Not sure yet

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi There,

I recently started going to counseling thinking that I was causing a lot of grief in my relationship. I take 50/50 responsibility in my relationship, however, for awhile any huge fight that occurred between my boyfriend and I was made to be my fault. I made the decision to go to counselor because I have started to have anxiety attacks when we fight and I was starting to feel crazy and not myself. My counselor said that it sounds like my partner has BPD. Obviously, it's not for sure, but a lot of the signs point to yes. I think he is a wonderful human and I love him a lot. He is what I believe would be called a high functioning BPD. I feel like I have my own set of problems and it's just been enhanced with this relationship. I would love to be with him and make things work. It just doesn't feel possible and I don't know.

[Mass]

Hi There,

I recently started going to counseling thinking that I was causing a lot of grief in my relationship. I take 50/50 responsibility in my relationship, however, for awhile any huge fight that occurred between my boyfriend and I was made to be my fault. I made the decision to go to counselor because I have started to have anxiety attacks when we fight and I was starting to feel crazy and not myself. My counselor said that it sounds like my partner has BPD. Obviously, it's not for sure, but a lot of the signs point to yes. I think he is a wonderful human and I love him a lot. He is what I believe would be called a high functioning BPD. I feel like I have my own set of problems and it's just been enhanced with this relationship. I would love to be with him and make things work. It just doesn't feel possible and I don't know.

[Mutt]

Hi Mass, 

I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us. A pwBPD can create a lot of anxiety in others from their emotional eruptions, I have anxiety too, I'm not a doctor, have you talked to your MD about medication that can alleviate anxiety symptoms quickly? The medication can be addictive, you have to be careful, has your counselor given you strategies or taught you skills to cope with anxiety?

I completely understand the ambiguity, we're here to support you, the decision making process can take time, we've all walked in mile in your shoes and understand the difficulty curve when your partner suffers from BPD, you suffer as well from anxiety, it's no picnic. You're not alone.

[Mass]

Hi Mutt,

Thanks for your reply. It's definitely not a picnic and it's funny how an individual and situations can pull out things like anxiety all of a sudden. I never knew that I really had anxiety until now. I have been talking to my doctor about it, but she would like me try breathing techniques and what not before medication. My counselor also is helping me work through situations. He has mentioned that I need to really take the time to think if I should really in this relationship. I can't help but think that it's always my fault, but I know that can't be possible. Anyways, thank you for the support and I am  happy that there is a place that I can reach out to.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mass, Welcome!  Your anxiety attacks, in my view, are a sign that something is off in your r/s.     I'm glad that you have an MD and  a T to help you sort through it.  No, it's not all your fault, though a pwBPD will try to convince you otherwise, in order to foist the blame/guilt on you to get it off his/her plate.  Suggest that you decline to take it on.  Whether to stay or go is a decision only you can make.  In the meantime, we can help you to find the right path for you.

LuckyJim

[Mass]

Thank you! Yes, it is a tough decision. I have tried to open up a discussion with my significant other... .It's the first time I tried and I want to see how it goes. I just would love to learn skills on how to approach that sort of conflict differently.

I am hoping with finally speaking out and sharing my feelings that it will get better. But who knows... .I assume that both of you must have given multiple changes to your partners and they always reverted back to their usual ways?