Examining how we fit so well

[DesertDreamer]

Hi all,

Today I feel the want to more deeply look at how I participated in my last relationship and stayed so long, even though it was intense beyond my capabilities. How do y'all think about the way your own personal histories, tendencies, and wants in a relationship wove together with a pwBPD?

Here are some I'm thinking about for myself. I wonder if any of them resonate with y'all:

  - Many people on here talk about being a caretaking type, and I am definitely that. I prided myself on being able to
do a "difficult relationship", which I think got in the way of me seeing that I really wasn't as able as I thought.

  - I was the quiet, calm child in my family's system, who took care of herself. I ended up on the sidelines of family
conflicts, and perversely wanted to be included in the yelling and screaming, just to feel a part of things still.

  - I hadn't been in a relationship longer than 1.5 years before I met my pwBPD. As our relationship continued, I figured that it was difficult because I just hadn't done a longer one before. I found it really hard to get insight into what would be considered "healthy" or "normal". Also, there's so much societal conditioning telling us that a romantic partnership is necessary and key. All of that meant that I  pushed past doubts and pain to keep staying. Of course, I also really wanted to believe my partner when she promised that things would calm down.

  - I value the interesting people that I get to meet in this life. My wife was and is one of them. I have a hard time
saying goodbye to these precious connections, in the event they need to end. I never understand it when people say that you need to live for yourself. I get that I need to take care of myself, but live just for myself? Seems disconnected.

  - I let romance drive a lot of forward motion in my life. I don't necessarily value more traditional milestones, like a successful career, for example, which for me means that I'm more interested in feeling the movement of life, the mystery and chance of it. On the negative end, this manifests as a lack of direction, which partly led me to allowing myself to be subsumed in an intense relationship. Whoops.

  - I have depression, and having another person around can make life more bearable.

Okay, that's all for now! Would love to hear y'alls reflections on this topic.