Struggling with some of the advice being offered

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I am ready to look at myself honestly. I am ready to accept my responsibility. If there is something I am missing, o truly believe it is because I cannot see it, not because I am not willing to.

My spouse is quite BPD. We have been together 15 years 3 kids.
Quiet BPD is so different for classic BPD based on the experiences I have read. That is not to say that issues were not obvious early on, just that the issues I thought I was accepting were not the ones I was actually accepting. So much is hidden with quiet BPD, but I find myself questioning how different. My level of shock about things that have been revealed in my relationship, and how sick my spouse really is, seems to be so different from everything I read. This makes it very difficult to find support or understand my experience. I am trying to make a decision about divorce, or at the very least understand how I feel and if I can move forward.

I recently read the following on this website:

“ BPD is a real mental illness and a person with this disorder will have a history of failed relationships.   However, an emotionally mature and grounded person does not get into such relationships and even if they accidentally fell into one, they would reassess their decision process and values, make changes - not get caught up in extended makeup/breakup cycles and come back time and time again.”


This is not my experience. Never have my wife an I broken up or even been close to breaking up. I believe neither of us have considered it, but quiet BPD so who knows. I don’t think she had any failed relationships, just a few standards one with standard breakups, no drama. I thought she was stable, smart, and had her life together more than I did. It actually always appeared like that to our friends and family. Is the advice for quite BPD partners the same as above or different? I feel like I knew there were problems, so I want to be honest with myself, but we just never had drama like what is suggested in the advice above. Maybe I just need to rearrange it to fit my situation? Maybe a mature person would not have put up with some of the things I did (it doesn’t have to be drama).

I guess what I’m asking is quiet BPD a different beast all together? For me and for my wife?

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