If I absolutely had to, yes. But me and my immediate boss and service chief know that isn't real. So I just avoid. Maybe one day? I'm unsure how. It became a giant deal at work. They'd be dumb to push that.
I have no need or want to update or talk which is why it's annoying that people act like I should do that.
My response is "I simply don't want to be around her".
I'm doing as good as I was before her. Very fit. Focused. I just don't want to explain why it makes sense why I don't want to give her access to me. They don't know or see "her". Although it's coming to light.
That's completely fine. It's your business and I'd want to keep that out of the workplace as much as possible. You aren't obligated to explain. The other statement could be used if you felt cornered. This is your job, keeping this personal business out of discussions is your boundary.
For the coworkers too. Work relationships have their own boundaries. Although over time, we do know about each other- who their partners are- or families, if someone is out of work with an illness or a good event, like a wedding- still- we don't pry into someone's personal business. Saying you don't want to see her is enough of a response.
You don't have to make an attempt to see her. Some relationships are completely over, and that's it- and that is what this is. For some people, it can't have this separation- such as if they are coparents, or related. In your case- it's entirely possible, and acceptable, to have no reason to see her.
Why this is becoming a topic at work- it's hard to really know, but if I were to guess, people may have asked her- and she took victim perspective. Victim perspective avoids accountability, and shame. If asked, she may have said something like "I don't know why he doesn't come talk to me, I didn't do anything to deserve this". This also enlists kind people as rescuers- fixers- who then come to you to ask, wanting to help smooth things over.
If you respond with the truth, you become part of this triangulation as persecutor, "saying bad things about her" and it reflects poorly on you. You don't want to be part of this Karmpan triangle drama and have it affect your work. To stay off this "drama triangle" you need to see it for what it is and keep your boundary of not discussing this at all.
Will others "see" it?- maybe, maybe not. That's between them and her- and it will go however it goes. My situation was different from yours, it's a parent- but even so, there were similarities with only a few people outside the family ever "seeing" her issues. Most didn't. If I had said anything, I'd have been seen as the disrespectful person saying "bad things about her" and let them have their own experiences with her.
It's even happened with a friendship. I know a person who is disordered and some people have mentioned they think she has BPD. A mutual friend of ours thinks she's just wonderful but he hasn't gotten as close to her as some other people who have seen her disturbing behavior. BPD affects all relationships but it affects the closest ones the most, so the behaviors can vary in different circumstances.
Your focus is on your well being and that is exactly where it should be. Your co-workers will have their own experiences with her- and you don't have to explain anything to them.
