Help!

[AuntAnnie]

I don’t even know where to start.
My 74 yr old sister was just diagnosed with cancer treatable only by chemo and life expectancy 6 -24 months.Her daughter, my 43 yr old niece, has been diagnosed but never treated. Both are also hoarders. They live 3 hours away. My first visit I just went up to get a lay of the land. 2nd visit we started cleaning “extra” stuff out, but only my sisters. My niece goes off the wall if we even touch her “stuff” including over 150 bottles of nail polish (she doesn’t use). I just finished reading Stop Walking on Eggshells but this coming week we are going to have a more serious talk. I am staying in a hotel because I am afraid to stay in their house for safety reasons and for her getting in my face and screaming which she has done 1x before. I honestly don’t even know what I am asking for. This is my first post and I am overwhelmed (ie, I am 69).

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wantmorepeace]

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. What a combination of circumstances!  One piece of advice I have is to decide what you have to get involved with and what you don’t. What are he implications for you or your sister, for example, if those bottles of nail polish are there? (I’m not saying there aren’t but just want to point out that you should ask yourself if there are.  Pwbpd generally dont change so it’s not worth addressing things that affect only her.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family!  The dynamic sounds very stressful but at least they live several hours away and you don't have to deal with this daily.  Or are you planning on staying longer due to your sister's sickness?

Also, what would your "more serious talk" look like?  Talk that out a little bit so we can better understand your goals in that conversation.

With mental illness, your niece will only get help once she realizes that she needs it on her own.  Nobody can force her or convince her of anything, not even professionals.  She has to actually want to change and heal before signifigant progress can be made.

While it would be great to get your sister's house cleaned out and organized, it might not be possible.  And that's okay.  Do what you can, don't argue about any of it, and they'll decide what and how to maintain the home.

I'm so sorry about your sister as well, I will say a prayer for her now.