Broke up with ex with BPD, unsure of my decision

[guywithatattoo]

Hello all,
I (25M) broke up with my BPD, OCD, autistic ex (21F) back in June after 8 months together, and through those 8 months it was a huge rollercoaster. I had never felt closer to someone before in my life, and we ended up becoming very close and I had some of the best times in my life in that relationship. I had never been with someone who was so loving, caring, thoughtful, funny, and frankly attractive. Over time however, things began to creep up such as a lot of codependency from her side, and needing me to quash her feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, jealous, sadness, and over time I began to feel like I was in a relationship with someone who was mentally a child and I began to realize that I had become a therapist for her whenever she split, and had to ground her almost every time we were together for some reason or another. It would usually be over something silly, like not knowing how to use chopsticks in a restaurant and thinking the employees would make fun of her. I had attempted to set boundaries at certain points regarding being her therapist, and they'd be respected for a bit, but something would happen and I'd break them and then it was like they had never been there.

She was/still in therapy the whole time we were together however it seemed like there wasn't much progress being made there in terms of her self-soothing as it just seemed to get worse overtime. We had planned a big trip, and about a month before we were supposed to go, I had all but decided that we should break up but selfishly I wanted to go on this trip and decided to do it after the trip. However over the course of the trip, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and we mostly had a good time, save for some reassurance every now and again. When we returned home, I debated my decision and ultimately decided to let it ride. After a couple days she got upset with me for hanging a phone call up early, and all of a sudden everything clicked. For about a day or so I didn't reply to her texts and she texted me and told me how she knows how poor she's treated me, and that she knows she has to get better and she can't lose me but at that point I had kind of just become numb and I met up with her and broke things off and enforced no-contact. During no contact, she had a lot of car trouble which she needed my assistance with as she wasn't able to afford to get her car professionally fixed which I assisted with. Every few days she would text me late at night telling me how much she missed me, and one night at 3AM she texted me that she had had a really strange night and missed me and that text drove me crazy for a few days until I replied and told her I needed to block her number and that I was sorry.

2 months on, and I go back and forth on my decision. All I think about is how amazing she was to be around, and how she cared about my hobbies and interests, and got into them herself, and I loved her hobbies and interests and she got me into hers. I miss her so much it aches, and I've attempted to dip my toe into meeting other people but I just don't click with them the same way I do with her. I keep thinking about what she said about wanting to be better for me, and I keep rereading this letter she gave me the day we broke up about how much she loves me and cares for me and wants to be the best version of herself for us. And I feel like I didn't sit her down and tell her that we were at a boiling point until it was too late, and that maybe I should give it another shot.

I feel like her case of BPD is very mild compared to a lot of others that I've read, she never called me names, hit me, was unfaithful, made rash decisions, threatened to harm herself or anything of the like, and I'm just unsure if putting hardline boundaries and really sticking to them and being honest and open whenever I'm overwhelmed from my side, and her working hard on her need for self reassurance could in fact fix most things and make the relationship as good as it could be.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.