Past wrongs

[mamalynn]

My adult daughter (30 y.o.) has said she was mistreated by me as a child. I was by no means perfect, but she was never physically abused, and as a parent I made a point to never call my children names, and tried to be positive, affirming and encouragng. Love was expressed verbally every day and often. I'm sure I sometimes spoke from frustration, impatience, exasperation, erc.  I know I made mistakes and sometimes lost my temper.
Today she used an example of how I mistreated her: When she was four she was very petite. We called her our little peanut. We moved to a different city, and a year later, a family friend came to visit. Privately, she expressed concern because in one year, Jessica had gained a lot of weigh5 and she asked if I had taken her to a doctor to have her thyroid checked. I had not particularly realized quite how much she had gained - she was not overly bese, but she was defintely no longer petite. I didn't know anything about how the thyroid could affect weight, so I took her to a doctor to see if there were any issues.
Tonight, she told me that I had mistreated her by taking her to a doctor because she had gotten too fat for ⁵me and I was unhappy about it. She refused to listen as I tried to explain the actual reason. I know our BPD kids often have skewed memories from their childhood.
My question is, do I need to ask forgiveness for something I did not do? I absolutely did not care if my daughter was on the heavy side or not! It absolutely was not important to me except in so far as her health was impacted by it, or if it was an indication of a health issue that as a parent I should know about. If her perception is what is wrong, not something she claims I did that I know I didn't do, am I supposed to just suck it up, beat my breast and claim "Mea Culpa"? I can't honestly believe taking her to a doctor, even if it was because of a concern related to her weight.
I'm really struggling and annoyed about this. My conscience is clear that I never made fun of her, or called her names, or said she was fat. I seems ludicrous that I should apologize for her false memory.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders