Hello

[Kevalis]

Hi! I'm Kevalis, and I'm new to the board. My wife, a trans MTF, has BPD. She's currently suffering from a severe attachment she has with a friend (I believe the term is "Favorite Persons" and is trying to become less dependant on this person, as she genuinely wants to improve their friendship, and not lose such a close friend.

Right now, they have decided to cease contact for a week, and come back and try to work it out. While under normal circumstances, that sounds like a normal option, my wife is just heartbroken. She's bouncing from "I wish I could talk to her" to "I hope she realizes she's better off without me, and doesn't come back".

Unfortunately, my wife is VERY self depricating. It breaks my heart because she doesn't see that behind the mental illness is a good person with good intentions. She's the first person to comfort her friend, staying on voice chat until she KNOWS that her friend is ok. Her heart is big, she just doesn't see it. She hasn't accepted that she has the mental illness, but that it doesn't define who she is as a person.

Has anyone ever dealt with a partner who has an FP? How did they break away?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome to the boards.

I have never heard of the term Favorite Persons or the concept. Is it kind of like a best friend?

I think for anyone with BPD or not, it would be very difficult to lose a friend. Like many friendships that dissolve, time seems to be the best healer. Perhaps you could encourage your SO to find new hobbies, new friends, things to take the mind off the friend, etc. Basically just be there like you would be for anyone going through a breakup.

It sounds like the friend has realized their friendship has reached an unhealthy level and is trying to re-establish some boundaries of her own. This would be a great time to talk about your SO about boundaries in a validating way.

[Aurylian]

It sounds like the friend has realized their friendship has reached an unhealthy level and is trying to re-establish some boundaries of her own. This would be a great time to talk about your SO about boundaries in a validating way.

This sounds like a great idea.  It would help your wife now and also likely help in your relationship with her.

 

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Kevalis:    

A few months ago someone was posting about a "favorite person".  In her situation, there was a family friend that had designated her husband as the "favorite person".  From my understanding, when someone designates a "favorite person", it can become a situation with SPLITTING .  There can be a phase of extreme idealization, that can move to a discard phase (painted black)

In this other person's situation, the problems were with the family members of the "favorite person", as this family friend was jealous of others involved with his favorite.