D19 moved back home and I thought things would get better...

[Jnel921]

After almost 2 and a half months my D19 decided to leave her abusive BF and come back home. We replaced her glasses and ordered another SS Card so she can look for a job I am allowing her to use my spare phone as well.

Since being home she has been emotionally unstable. She wont eat although we have served/bought her food that she barely touches.

She now has an issue if I stalk about the EX, and I feel at times she defends him although he destroyed her. I took her to dinner last night and she really hurt me with her behavior. She didn't like that restaurant and complained about the food. Started telling me that she went through things over these last weeks that she is sure I never experienced and that she was not going to go to therapy. Therapist don't know ***t according to her. I told her I wanted to help her. She said that I couldn't. She says she has been bullied all of her life and she will not take anything from anyone.

I told her that she was angry and taking her emotions out on me. I didn't deserve that. Things got a little better at the end of dinner but she still would not agree to therapy.

This morning I saw some messages come through to her. She was discussing doing something illegal to get some quick cash. I got upset and went to her room before I left for work and confronted her. She claimed that she didn't have to do anything except recruit the people who would do the riskier stuff but I told her she could still get in trouble none the less. I told her I was not happy knowing this and I left.

She called me later in the morning to ask for $. I had given her $20 on Tuesday so not sure what she spent it on because she doesn't eat. I asked her what for. She wanted to go see her friend and take a cab. I said no, but your SF can give you money for a bus. After I said this she full on went into a rage.

She told me that she would not be taking any buses and that this is why she needs to get money any way she can. Then she tried to make the EX sound like a savior saying he'd give her $200 before she went out into the street. Which is obviously a lie since she has more today then she did last week.

I told her she should humble herself and not forget how I have helped her. She said she already humbled herself and that she is grateful but that she cant sit at home broke and she needs to go out and get money.

I didn't like this attitude or dealing with the worry of how she is getting this money. She is trying to be manipulative. I held strong to saying no but she left on foot anyway to her destination.

I am not sure what to say when I see her or how to handle. I am not equipped yet with any tools to communicate anything with her. When I talked about BPD traits with her she only reacted negatively and refused to hear me.

I don't think she will last very long in my home if she feels she is not getting anything out of it. She needs to get a job and deal with her pain by going to therapy. I am lost here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

I know your fears.  It is scary to think how they can get money.   We try to protect them so they won't make these mistakes.  What was your daughter like before she left your house?  Is there a history of BPD behavior?

[Jnel921]

Thanks for that. She was diagnosed with BPD traits and abandonment issues. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I am trying to convince her to go to therapy and she is not agreeable right now. She also smokes pot and has told me she has stopped but i know this is a lie.

I am limiting what I will do for her as I need to keep my own sanity and health. I am avoiding arguments right now by backing off. I know the anger is not about me but still very hurtful