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Author Topic: Realistic to seek being drug free?  (Read 406 times)
Lollypop
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« on: February 18, 2017, 02:56:53 AM »

Hi

My BPDs26 texted me to tell me that he's ready to see a doctor. This is good news but I'm also realistic as he's made promises before and hasn't kept the appointment. It does show that he's thinking about his situation.

I'm scared about this potential next step.

With many failed attempts by him in the past to get through a GP there's a lot riding on this. My BPDs did get a direct referral for a mental health assessment via A&E and this is on his record and I wonder if my son should go straight for that route. But the right way is through the GP and, IF he could get the right support from them, it would make such a huge positive difference. Our GP is our family doctor and has seen the physical and emotional strain I suffered over the years; he's a direct and no nonsense type of man and isn't empathetic but a highly experienced GP.  We discussed my BPDs diagnosis and the GP said he felt my BPDs main problem was anxiety and that he preferred not to look at the label. He refused to refer him for a mental health assessment or for a talking therapy. His manner and directness was difficult for my depressed BPDs to take and of course there were consequences in the way my BPDs perceives him. My GP was unhappy I took my adult son and firmly told me not to do so again.

I've stepped back from trying to force my BPDs into treatment and have waited until he felt ready. Whenever my BPDs has opened up about how he felt it difficult to cope I've gently encouraged him to seek treatment.  I think that time is coming and I'm now fearful it all go wrong.

My BPDs is stable and mentally stronger as his confidence has grown. I've questioned his self medicating with MJ and his non prescribed diazepam. The consequence of my interference is that my BPDs reduced his diazepam (with an aim to being drug free eventually), he's found life and sleeping more difficult as s result. I ask myself if I should have just kept quiet.

My BPDs so much wants to live a drug free life. His addiction tendencies are s problem. There are always side affects and he's reluctant to hand control over and this is why he resists I think.

I just can't see my BPDs ever given the opportunity to see a clinical psychologist in the uk.

He's functioning since being home and quiet. I'd even say mild when I compare to some stories on the forum. Of course my BPDs feels he's severe, given his own experiences and challenges that he finds it difficult to cope and that's real enough for me.

There are therapists who list BPD on their interests and also EMDR. There's one experienced DBT therapist but is £200 ph.

So if my BPDs asks me for my advice: should he try his family GP who may just see this time to listen, ask to see another GP who doesn't know him well and most probably will give him a leaflet and anti depressants, or try to bypass the gps and seek a direct assessment?

Has anybody with BPD managed to eventually be drug free in the longer term?

Thanks

L
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     I did my best. He told me I wasn’t good enough. White
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Gorges
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« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2017, 07:06:59 AM »

While, not diagnosed with BPD, I would describe myself as "intense".   I have tried xanax and wellbutrin but did not like the side effects.  I have a healthy diet, exercise and meditate.  I do have a large amount of self-control, until I loose my control if that makes sense.  Anyway, I have found these things especially the meditation to be helpful.  Another great thing has been helpful is the "paleo" diet and lifestyle.   You can google it, there are lots of good on-line resources and books. 

I also have tried therapy.  DBT is great, one on one therapy never really helped.   They allow you to wallow too much and validate a narrative of poor me. 

Oh another great thing is Buddhist mindfulness "Shenpa"-detaching from your thoughts and going to your breath when you are hooked.   

For all of these things though you need to be motivated to change.   You need to not find interest and energy anymore from drama.
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Lollypop
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« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2017, 08:06:27 AM »

Hi Gorges

Thanks so much for this and I find it very interesting.

I've been wondering myself about my approach to my BPDs. It's almost like, at times, too validating allowing him to wallow. He's in his room at the moment on a very low day. I've offered to talk if he wants me. I'm leaving him to it. He's been more down than up since reducing his diazepam. This is a good thing because, he has to want to change the status quo and seek his own healing.

Shenpa is something I haven't heard of before.

I have BPD traits myself and would say I too am "intense."

 I've found that going back to education as a mature student amazing as I'm able to channel my energies into creative activities. I love learning and my life has an art driven focus now that I'll keep When I retire.

I read "balance in all things"  from your post. Wise words.

I think my BPDs can get there but, as you say, he has to want it himself. So he can do nothing, seek natural therapies or seek clinical help.  Motivation will only come when he feels he can't go on as he is.

I'll look into the paleo as I need to address my own health issues. I need to lose weight so I can be healthier. Exercise 

L
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wendydarling
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« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2017, 12:44:11 PM »

Hi LP

I understand you are fearful and scared, this sounds like towards a break though!

The irony is, after all your brilliant work LP you know your son better than anyone and can help him walk the path, if he chooses to.  The road is not linear as we know, your son’s stepped back in the past, the route is not easy as you explain. Taking it slow and easy is the way, just like you have over the last years. I hope you are at a good crossroad LP, one where you can use your skills, knowledge and courage to help navigate the mental health system (we are here to help), barriers and choices that work for you and your son.

Is your son ready to see a Dr for drugs or for his BPDx, everything? 

It’s a good reminder GPs are not mental health experts, we learnt like you for a decade, their role is to refer. I’m sorry to hear your GP was unable to empathise, taking your son to A&E (if I’ve understood that correctly your GP said no) is why you are in the better place now than you were, a diagnosis brought you here! Once my DD was ‘in’ the mental health system she was provided a dedicated GP (in the same practice) who understands and during her visits for a repeat prescription they have a good catch up, the GP is part of her support system, understands, listens and VALIDATES her efforts and her recovery. So, yes moving GP maybe worth considering.

As a first step how about calling the assessment team and say your son is ready for the assessment offered last year and they can expect a call from your son to set the appointment. See what they say, hopefully yes, if not back to consider the options. You may explain to them you’ve both worked together over the last year to arrive here. Explain it needs to be a face to face assessment rather than phone.

We often talk here about taking on responsibility to be well, we guide our loved ones and we take on our wellbeing. Navigating the health system, barriers and options is tough, it’s where you may feel you are, not knowing what's ahead. Standing side by side, he's ready, being with him, ensuring he is heard and if there are barriers, invalidation and yes there will be, walk through the challenges together, we did and it worked for us. My DD would not be where she is now without sharing with her MY motivation, our joint desire and goal. She's doing the hard work.

Prescribed medication can validate the journey, doing the right thing under good guidance.

Big hugs to you and your son. Sounds like he's in pain, confused, wallowing upstairs.

WDx
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Be kind, always and all ways ~ my BPD daughter
wendydarling
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« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2017, 01:23:15 PM »

Reflecting on our sliding doors LP  Smiling (click to insert in post)

14 months ago:
You worked at supporting your son into work, teaching financial management towards living independently  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post) and have gently encouraged your son to seek treatment.  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post)
I worked at supporting my DD into treatment, she did it   Bullet: completed (click to insert in post) she was working. Bullet: completed (click to insert in post)

Today:
Your son is working, training, paying rent,  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post) perhaps at a point of taking responsibility to recover.  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post)
My daughter is in treatment,  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post) gave up work December for a period to concentrate on her recovery. No rent    that's ok with me, I'll take that.  Bullet: completed (click to insert in post)

It's good to see how far we and ours have come.

WDx

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Lollypop
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« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2017, 01:47:39 PM »

Thank you WD

yes we've both come far. It's good to take stock and remind ourselves.

I hope and pray he's at the point to commit to treatment.  The GF turned up late this afternoon and we managed to talk for the first time candidly.  Turns out they both went to A&Ee last night but the Dr didn't take him seriously nor my BPDs worries about coming off diazepam.  "Coming off diazepam won't kill you".  In my BPDs' head he feels in great danger of a seizure. He's successfully reduced .5mg per day.

The GF would like to borrow my books and I offered her some guidance. She's so young and doesn't really understand the complexities but her heart is in the right place. She has plans for the next 6 months and hasn't understood that he just doesn't have the headspace for 2 month travelling trips or her own problems in going to uni etc. She's excited, he's in despair.

I've spoken to BPDs and suggested he could change his GP and also for me to call the assessment team as you suggested. I told him that there's going to be obstructions and crap invalidating professionals along the way but we will always be there with him while we work out a way together; he's not alone. . He just said "I know all of this, I can't think about this today, thanks for the offer of calling". 

Positive crossroads?  Time will tell.

I've no idea how you've both managed to get so far WD. It's quite amazing.

L
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wendydarling
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« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2017, 02:40:56 AM »

LP I hope he's ready too    and gives you permission to make that initial call, you can add the A&E visit and you might ask how long the wait is to see a psychiatrist, as they deal with this everyday this info can be expected to be available, it's good to know what's ahead. I'm sorry to hear he is suffering and is able to manage his way through the withdrawal of diazepam. To the point of your post realistic to be drug free, is this what he's aiming for? For my DD prescribed meds help depression and anxiety as we know there's no meds for BPD, that's where DBT or other treatments come in. Does your son self sooth, practice mindfulness?

I understand GF is young, it's important she learn and understands the truth, faces the facts.

How are things today?
WDx
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Lollypop
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« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2017, 05:57:57 AM »

Hi WD

I'm tired to be honest.

BPDs does little to help himself. He'll hole himself in his bedroom and sleep and I guess pops a few diazepam. Whenever I've mentioned mindfulness, apps, techniques he resists "I'm not ready for that". 

The GF helped him this weekend get some balance this weekend and he cleaned out his car (a first).

He wants to be drug free and manage his BPD himself. Contradictory, he does not seek help on how to achieve self soothing. He seeks support for drug withdrawal from A&E rather than his GP. Of course, A&E suggested going for drug counselling. He's done that "already" and it didn't work and as his anger and frustration rises he loses the plot and goal of why he went in the first place with unrealistic expectations of the A&E staff there.

I think this is just a minor crisis and he's not ready,

I'm tired but not caught up in his drama. I'm learning!

Thanks for the support.

L
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