To Everyone,
I came here almost two years ago now in desperation for help, for someone to listen. Yet, I was terrified of anyone knowing my situation, especially a bunch of strangers who I knew I couldn't trust. I ran away and came back a few times before I decided to stay. Even after that, I almost deleted my account multiple times because I felt like I was taking up space that the people who had "real" issues needed. (Shakes head)
I have come such a long way from the beginning.
When I first got here I didn't know that I would learn so much about myself in a way that wasn't telling me I had to fix myself so he would work on himself. I wasn't being told that it was all my fault or that I was a horrible person for the stuff I struggled with. I didn't know it was difficult for people to post about their faith and their view in that way until someone told me because it's so dear to me it's like another invisible body part. I had no idea it would lead me to being able to let my ex husband (still married, not sure what to call him yet) go and not desperately try to keep us together, but to realize that both me and my son are much better off without him and he's the one that is truly losing. Not like a win or lose to make me feel better, but more of a death and life type of thing. Something is surely dying, has been for years, but life will come from it I'm sure. I just don't know what yet.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
I've read so many heartbreaking stories, I've posted some of my own, and it really helps to not feel isolated and alone. I'm already a completely different person than I was two years ago. I can't even believe I was so down then. I thank God for leading me here for all the healing I've been able to accomplish. I know I've still got so much more to go, but now I know I can do it and it's possible.
I had a hard time at first because I wanted to leap ahead and
Kwamina pointed out so nicely that I needed to take baby steps, which used to go against my natural way of things. I had quite a few failures before I put it into practice. Today, I am doing so much better. I'm not extremely depressed everyday. I can smile and laugh and try to be myself again without worry that I'll get made fun of for being me. I can play a game and win and not feel guilty because of it. (My ex used to get so mad that I was better at games than him. Video games) I'm still trying to learn the balance of work and play, since all I want to do is get stuff done that I've been so far behind on, but I know I'll get there and I keep working on it.
I just wanted to say thank you for all those that have shared their stories, that have replied with help, that help keep this site up. It benefits many others than me, but I'm grateful, truly grateful. My heart is breaking for the last time over him and as I read your stories and identify with your pain and recycles, it helps me to stay strong against going back there. So, thank you, thank you all.
Purekalm
