Whacky out the door conversation as my wife left..

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Whacky transcript of an "out the door" conversation as my wife was leaving for work.  Apparently angry she was kept out of the loop on my grad school plans.  I was perplexed.  Just another day.

No big deal or purpose here, other than to show what "normal" is once we've gotten rid of affair accusations and other "big stuff". 

Thoughts?


FF wife

So... .um... (ff wife friend) mentioned that you were going to start taking classes at (name of university) for your masters and (s16) read  me an email last night about you taking classes

FF

Uh huhh (agreeing noises)

(pause)

I don't get to know because ?

FF

Honey... you've already known... .

FF wife

Ohh... .no I haven't... .

FF

We discussed that in counseling honey... .

FF wife

(bit of a laugh)

Soo... .you've been taking classes since counseling... .

FF

No... .I didn't say that at all... .

ff wife stomps away door shuts...

(end transcript)

[formflier]

Whacky transcript of an "out the door" conversation as my wife was leaving for work.  Apparently angry she was kept out of the loop on my grad school plans.  I was perplexed.  Just another day.

No big deal or purpose here, other than to show what "normal" is once we've gotten rid of affair accusations and other "big stuff". 

Thoughts?


FF wife

So... .um... (ff wife friend) mentioned that you were going to start taking classes at (name of university) for your masters and (s16) read  me an email last night about you taking classes

FF

Uh huhh (agreeing noises)

(pause)

I don't get to know because ?

FF

Honey... you've already known... .

FF wife

Ohh... .no I haven't... .

FF

We discussed that in counseling honey... .

FF wife

(bit of a laugh)

Soo... .you've been taking classes since counseling... .

FF

No... .I didn't say that at all... .

ff wife stomps away door shuts...

(end transcript)

[love4meNOTu]

Hi FF -

I called a local university with questions about taking some evening classes, just curious as to how much and when, if I could take online, etc.

They called back and I answered the call in front of xhwBPD.

That precipitated a rage so fierce that it was the end of the marriage. From accusations of cheating on him, thinking I was better than him, I can't even recall the rest of it.

I don't have advice. I just know that everything I did was so threatening to him.

What makes her feel secure?

[formflier]

What makes her feel secure?

Being in control of everything... .knowing everything first.

In this case she actually was the first to know... .but likely forgot.

FF

[byfaith]

that is what I was going to say is that maybe she forgot. My wife forgets what day it is many, many times.

[formflier]

that is what I was going to say is that maybe she forgot. My wife forgets what day it is many, many times.

I'm sure this is it... .however, it can be maddening that their lack of knowledge... .or remembering... .is due to someone else "not letting them know".

This has been a common topic of conversation for almost a year now... .that I was proceeding towards this MBA goal... .

In my mind... I wonder what she was focused on when I was talking... .obviously not listening and understanding.

FF

[Lucky Jim]

Hey FF, Maybe both of you are correct?  She didn't forget and you didn't mention it outside of counseling?  In any event, it's another example of how isolating it can be in a BPD r/s because it's such hassle to do anything independently that -- sigh -- sometimes one cancels plans in order to appease one's pwBPD.  I finally decided that I was going to do some things, like have a beer with a friend, come "hell or high water."  Yet I caught a lot of flak doing it, but it was worth it to me.

LuckyJim

[formflier]

I "know" for sure of several times we discussed it.  No recordings... .no way to "prove" it... .so no reason to bother.

It is a part of my life that I share freely... .I don't push it... .but have never "filtered" that for any reason.

But... .no reason... or advantage... .to forcing my wife to accept my point of view.

FF