newby

[jeepers]

Getting started here, dealing with pd ex wife. Trying to feel better, less lonely, accepted. Feel like a total failure and my life has been wasted. Had to divorce as my ex would not let me walk away from fights. She would get in my face, actually tell me and coax me to hit her and say I am not afraid of you. Never did I touch her. As soon as money got tight and she had to work she left the bed and got her own checking account. We have 4 kids together one with special needs. The special needs 11 year old son has a convention every year that she refuses to help pay for. He loves these as he gets to be the normal one for a week. She wants her way at all costs and I think she is the type that wanted to get married not BE married. Her sister committed suicide saying in the note that God was calling her home. Looking to find a place to get advice feel wanted/better.
Thanks

[Panda39]

Hi jeepers,

You are most definitely not alone!  Welcome to the BPD Family   You have just found a whole group of people who have been there and "get it".

I'm here because my SO (significant other) has an uBPDxw (undiagnosed BPD ex-wife) and I can totally relate to the ex having her way at all costs.  It's all about them.  I've described my SO's ex as both indulgent and neglectful... .she would buy her daughters jewelry when they needed a winter coat for example. She has never been able to put in the work needed to be a good consistent parent to their daughters.  Sounds similar to your comment about your wife and marriage.

I'm sorry to hear you feel like a failure and your life has been wasted.  What I see from your post is someone that took his marriage vows seriously and did his best to make his marriage work (this is not wasted time and you can not help someone that denies they have problems). I see someone that realized that he was in an unhealthy relationship and got out (totally rational decision if you ask me - and telegraphs the message to your kids that you don't have to stick around for abuse).  I see from your post that you love your children and can put their needs before your own.  I see someone that left a bad situation in the past and now has a wide open future.

Can you tell us a little bit more about your story?  How long were you married? How many kids and their ages? What is your custody schedule like?  How would you describe your relationship with your kids?  Your ex's relationship with the kids? What does your divorce decree say about paying for your kids activities (if anything)?

I know other members will be along soon to welcome you too.  I'm so glad you've found us, the members here are great for support, ideas, and tools that can help when dealing with the person in your life with BPD.

Take Care 
Panda39