Not prepared for the "dull" yet

[Octy]

I got some interesting advice the other day

I'm a BPD magnet.

 If a partner has me feeling or acting like a buck smelling a doe in heat... .run. That my best matches will probably never make me feel that way. That it might help if I use the same route in DBT to address the stress that this ex caused me.

Passion is so scarce,  and I know it was so unhealthy that I was in a million pieces as it ended. But, but, but

I also am of a different ilk in that during the r/s and now I remember all of the bad, rather than the good, so a burned note wouldn't help. I just couldn't save her because I lost myself and became the caricature that all her exes had become to her

[infjEpic]

I got some interesting advice the other day

I'm a BPD magnet.

 If a partner has me feeling or acting like a buck smelling a doe in heat... .run. That my best matches will probably never make me feel that way. That it might help if I use the same route in DBT to address the stress that this ex caused me.

Passion is so scarce,  and I know it was so unhealthy that I was in a million pieces as it ended. But, but, but

I also am of a different ilk in that during the r/s and now I remember all of the bad, rather than the good, so a burned note wouldn't help. I just couldn't save her because I lost myself and became the caricature that all her exes had become to her

I think everyone has the capacity to be a BPD magnet, until they examine themselves and their own actions/behaviours in a failed BPD relationship. After this, you may still get into an unhealthy relationship - anyone can be tricked by a high functioning abuser - but not for very long!
You'll be much surer of your boundaries, and won't tolerate abusive behaviour.

You had an interesting point about you 'lost yourself'.

Did you feel lost in some way before you got into the R/S?

[Octy]

My boundaries were laid out quite clearly to start which I had never done before(Intuition?).  I made it very clear I could walk away and just stay friends if she couldn't decide between me and one particular ex(I say one because of the fun house of exes that came into play). I even withheld most physical intimacy until she could make her decision to move forward. She immediately blurred those lines after she said she had made her decision(me) and kept it a secret until caught with an "oops I didn't believe you really meant it" (the beginning of me being called untrustworthy) . Since we were so new and not official I went forward. Lies everywhere so often I started to question myself., and it was hard to believe people who "love" you can be so cruel.

Was I lost to begin with? It was my first real love with a future in mind... .I was in a susceptible place to be convinced we were communicating but the forgetting and dissociation mixed with outright lies were new to me. Also there was a age gap. Small town girl that interpreted everything as she wanted. She admitted to people she had stalked me a few times but If I came into our mutual work I was overbearing. I'm more lost now than ever in my life though, and I'm embarrassed to say when it ended and she accepted another man's ring(we were ring shopping for eight months but she was never satisfied with what we found, the carrot just out of reach) six weeks later,  I reached out while drunk to her fiance and although I live 1500miles away in my home state currently,  I became the crazy unbelieved angry ex in that town. She had physically cheated locally, but when I found her and her now husbands communication on fb(because of her saved password on my computer)  at the very least I didn't become one of her shamed exes that took all of the blame onto themselves. I feel I am humble(enough), truthful, and I did not cheat, but I may have narcissistic traits from my upbringing. The lash out was pitiful on social media to the point of nervous breakdown, but I was so pent up with the cruelty and excepting multiple triangulations when the truth came out my reserve got turned off. I know she destroyed her past r/s partners egos healthy or not,  and we all have a part in r/s's but I felt like a toy after being a much more sure person to begin with. With all the work I'm doing, I am trying to use this chance to be self reflective but the hangup is how bad I'm realizing it was. Missing extreme dissociation is scary. I can see how people may have used that before me without knowing what it was. I just accused her of being somewhere else. We both ended multiple times until I couldn't anymore no matter the treatment. I still keep it in until I flood, so I'll end with this for people who feel crazy when they speak of these r/s's

Joanna Nicolas site states this... .and this is where I'm at some days still

"For people who have not experienced the extraordinary path of destruction these women leave in their wake, even a reliable and accurate historian’s account of his experiences can come off as the incoherent or exaggerated ramblings of someone who may have anger or even mental health issues of his own."