I absorb the negativity & guilt trips like a sponge- first post- introduction

[WifeOfProbableBP]

Intro/background:
8 year relationship with common-law probable BP husband. We are in our mid-30s. After worsening conditions at home threatening to affect my job, I decided to move in with my parents for a while. Husband & I are attending regular couples and individual therapy. Therapist seems doubtful that we are getting benefit from therapy. Husband feels abandoned, hurt, and betrayed at my decision to stay at my parents'.
His common behaviors that bother me are: guilt trips, constant calling, spying and tracking me with GPS, rage, tantrums, yelling, cursing, throwing things, false accusations, frequent negativity, and slamming doors. Some examples of his less common, but more severe behaviors include: disabling my car, physically preventing me from leaving the house, threatening to smear my name on social media, threatening to blackmail me with nude pictures, picking locks or breaking down doors when I lock a room to be alone, punching holes in walls, breaking windows of house and car, delusions/paranoia/psychosis.

What I would like to learn to do is to avoid soaking up all of his constant negativity. It causes me to feel paralyzed with anxiety, fear, & depression. Recently it's the guilt trips that have really been getting to me. I think I'm made a good decision to move out, so I could be in a more stable environment to work on rebuilding my mental state. However, my husband constantly makes it clear that he does not think I am doing the right thing & that I'm abandoning him. I know how intensely BPs feel emotion, & it eats me up inside to see him hurting. How can I learn to stop internalizing his negativity, so that I can work & focus on rebuilding myself?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome WifeOfProbableBP:  

I'm sorry we seemed to miss your introductory post.     I can see you have jumped right in and started to get acquainted with other members.  Sounds like you are going through tough times with your partner.

Intro/background:
8 year relationship with common-law probable BP husband. We are in our mid-30s. After worsening conditions at home threatening to affect my job, I decided to move in with my parents for a while.

Husband & I are attending regular couples and individual therapy. Therapist seems doubtful that we are getting benefit from therapy. Husband feels abandoned, hurt, and betrayed at my decision to stay at my parents'. . .  Recently it's the guilt trips that have really been getting to me.

Is there a point, where your common-law marriage will be recognized where you live?  You shouldn't feel guilty that you took steps to physically protect yourself.  It might be helpful to read about FOG

. . .Some examples of his less common, but more severe behaviors include: disabling my car, physically preventing me from leaving the house, threatening to smear my name on social media, threatening to blackmail me with nude pictures, picking locks or breaking down doors when I lock a room to be alone, punching holes in walls, breaking windows of house and car, delusions/paranoia/psychosis  

Those examples are rather scary.  How recent are some of those behaviors?  I'm thinking that a combination of some of the above behaviors led you to go to your parent's house to live for awhile.  It can be very important for you to have a safety plan, if you visit your partner or decide to move back in.  This article on SAFETY FIRST, can help you develop a plan.

What I would like to learn to do is to avoid soaking up all of his constant negativity. It causes me to feel paralyzed with anxiety, fear, & depression. Recently it's the guilt trips that have really been getting to me. I think I'm made a good decision to move out, so I could be in a more stable environment to work on rebuilding my mental state. However, my husband constantly makes it clear that he does not think I am doing the right thing & that I'm abandoning him. I know how intensely BPs feel emotion, & it eats me up inside to see him hurting. How can I learn to stop internalizing his negativity, so that I can work & focus on rebuilding myself?

Have you tried meditation or mindfulness exercises?  They are good ways to clean house in your mind.  The information below could be helpful:

Finding Alternative Thoughts
www.dbtselfhelp.com/FindingAlternativeThoughts.pdf

MINDFULNESS EXERCISE - FROM BOOK" HAPPINESS TRAP"
https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Informal_Mindfulness_Exercises.pdf

The information at the links below can be helpful with gaining control over ruminations and your memory management:
MEMORY MGMT. - RUMINATIONS

WORKSHOP - DEALING WITH  RUMINATIONS

[WifeOfProbableBP]

Thank you so much for the response & links to those resources 

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey WifeOfProbableBP:  

Keep us posted on how things are going.  It can take some practice to tame our thoughts.