Always wants to talk in person...

[Ragnar1982]

Hey everyone. I don't think I've ever posted on this board, but I have a question. I'm letting go of the anger I have experienced with my ex gf who displays BPD traits. I've noticed many times in the past when we have broken up, she always wants to talk about things, regardless of how bad the breakup was. The catch is, she wants to talk in person all the time, and she stonewalls me on the phone or through email. I emailed her last night and put some of my thoughts about our relationship out there, kind of to give myself my own closure. She replied this morning telling me she was thinking of how to respond, and then a few hours later that she thought it would be best to speak face to face. Now I know this is ideal for abnormal relationship, but in the past when I have agreed she usually will start spinning tales or providing "alternative facts". I get almost spellbound by it and usually we end up having sex and sweeping it all under the rug before I know it. I have changed my approach now. I told her today I will only speak to her in person if her situation changes. (I just found out she has been actively keeping me on the side of her marriage. She led me to believe for a VERY long time that they were apart. I'll spare the details... .)

In any case, has anyone else seen this withholding of dialogue unless fave to face as a form of manipulation to be sure she has the upper hand? I mean, she definitely knows I can't resist her.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[WifeOfProbableBP]

What is it about her that makes her so "irresistible?"

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Ragnar1982   

I just found out she has been actively keeping me on the side of her marriage. She led me to believe for a VERY long time that they were apart. I'll spare the details... .

Sounds like she may only be available for an affair.  Is there something about an unavailable woman that intrigues you?

I get almost spellbound by it and usually we end up having sex and sweeping it all under the rug

Perhaps she wants to see you in person just for the purpose of sex?

[enlighten me]

My exgf didn't like to talk over the phone or email. I think theres a couple of reasons behind it. Firstly if its written down theres no denying it . Secondly pwBPD are very good at reading people (or at least they think they are). If you talk face to face they can adjust what they say in relation to what feed back they feel they are getting.