Reaching Out

[MesaDaddy]

Hi. I believe my wife is suffering from BPD. All symptoms and our life fit the descriptions exactly. I keep thinking that we have hit rock bottom and life just keeps getting worse. I just know life shouldn't be this painful. We have two kids. I am self employed. Things have been getting worse for years now. Who knows maybe they have been bad since the start of our marriage and I don't know any better any more. I know that I now feel the need to ask permission to do anything alone. And she is so mean. She is confusing and manages to make everything my fault. She doesn't appear to care about me anymore.  I continue to try to make her happy but I am running out of steam. My business is just treading water. I only work and parent and husband. She is just fine watching me shrivel into a shell of the person I was when we met. As long as her days are easy. I cannot put the time I need to put into my biz because I feel that the kids need more than she gives them. So I am either working and feeling guilty or parenting and feeling stressed. I'm not sure what else to include in a first post about this. I am a loving a kind man who is confused, tormented and tired of being pushed to my worst. My kids deserve better than they are getting from us right now. I have managed to get her to seek treatment but it has not helped and she seems to leave more confused than when she arrived. Somedays I think it just has to be over. Other days I feel hopeful and see her old self and hope for our future. I don't want to be stuck like this.
Any advice, compassion, support would be incredibly helpful right now. Lost. Thanks. Drew.

[formflier]

   

You have found a safe place to share, learn and take control of your life and marriage.

I know that I now feel the need to ask permission to do anything alone. And she is so mean. She is confusing and manages to make everything my fault. She doesn't appear to care about me anymore.  I continue to try to make her happy but I am running out of steam. My business is just treading water. I only work and parent and husband. 

Few things.

Can you keep your life the same for a few weeks, while you learn about ways to make it better?  Many of the things we will teach you need to be applied consistently.  Applied inconsistently they can actually make things worse.

Can you give us a he said she said example from the last argument you had... where you tried to keep her happy? 

start learning about what you may be facing.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913187#msg913187


FF

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Drew/MesaDaddy, Welcome!  It's easy to get burned out in a BPD r/s.  I ran myself into the ground, which I don't recommend.  Care-taking a pwBPD often means neglecting one's own self-care.  Suggest you shift the focus back to yourself and your needs.  What are your gut feelings?  What would you like to see happen?  Let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim