Hello, I'm new here

[Believer02]

Hi
Am on verge of starting divorce proceedings after a 27-year-long marriage.  I have two children aged 22 and 17.  My husband has BPD I believe.  He is very selfish and difficult to get on with.  I have been very lonely for much of my marriage.  He wanted a divorce at the beginning of 2016 and later on I found out he was romantically involved with a colleague at work.  For the whole of last year he wasn't talking to me, (he moved out of the bedroom in early January, saying that he wanted 'peace'.)  I went on holiday with the children in December 2016 and while I was away he suddenly started texting me every day saying he wanted to reconcile.  I moved out of our home last October but was living in a cottage near home.  Before I left for the holiday he asked his company to pay his salary into his private bank account and since then, month on month, he has been transferring less and less to my account.  Therefore I moved back home in January.  If I need money for the children I have to ask him directly.  I am feeling extremely angry!  He is pressuring me financially while saying he loves me and wants to care for me.  I am at the point where I cannot abide him - it is awful I know.   My children are finding it very difficult.

[Mutt]

Hi Believer02,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this, you both have a long history together and separation and divorce can be very difficult on everyone, there's a period where we're emotionally raw, something that we can for ourselves is to stop the bleeding. The lessons are on the right side of the board --------------------> I suggest taking a look at step one, stop the bleeding.

What's your support network like in real life? What do you for self care? Are you seeing a T ( Therapist)?

I'm glad that you decided to join us, you're not alone.

[Believer02]

Hi!  This is actually my second post.  I don't really know where to put it.  Anyway, i have been married for 27 years to a person that I believe has narcissistic  traits.   My husband and I have a daughter of 22 who has ADD, and a son of 17.  I find it hard to say what has been happening; it is hard to explain.  Suffice it to say that I am on the verge of making a decision to get divorced, but my partner keeps saying he wants to reconcile.  Unfortunately I do not want this any more; he had an affair last year (whether just emotional or also physical, I don't know) and at that time said he wanted a divorce.  He is very emotionally draining and has never been emotionally supportive.  He does not believe in depression and I suffered from quite severe post-natal depression.  He has always done things like staying up very late and making a noise when coming to bed although I used to beg him not to wake me up.  He also can't stand it when I ask him to do things.  He is the bread-winner and has control of our finances.  He is very harsh in the things he says to our son and is very domineering.  He has always told me a wife must submit to her husband but has never really supported me.  He was ignoring me all last year but since Christmas has been saying he wants a reconciliation.  We initially went to a mediator but now I have found my own lawyer.  My husband now keeps saying we have to go together to get counselling help but I am beyond that now.  I was raise by a narcissistic widow who used to tell me I was useless (and still does, on occasion), and seem to have married a narcissist.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Believer02,

I'm sorry you are struggling in your relationship. I can really understand your feelings here. The emotional draining can really take a toll over time. And sometimes, it's not clear where we should post, especially when we are conflicted about what to do. 

The good news is that there is hope for things to get better for you, no matter what you ultimately decide. Our members have been in similar situations and will share their experiences with you. And the site has tons of tools and resources to help as well. You've come to the right place for support.

How are your children coping with things at home—do they know you have both been contemplating divorce?


heartandwhole