First time addressing what I believe my girlfriend suffers from

[paulielafa02]

This is the first time I have ever sought support online for a variety of struggles. The most pressing that has kept my mental health and life hostage is what I believe is BPD displayed by my girlfriend. She has not been clinically diagnosed and would strongly oppose me even considering there be a flaw if that is the right word. How do I know for sure. What are some behaviors or traits that anyone else sees that may make it easier to diagnose and make sense of at least to myself. I attributed to rage but that is simply onenter of the

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi and welcome.

I wouldn't be focussed on the diagnosis. It doesn't really change anything. (Often a formal BPD diagnosis doesn't change anything because the BPD sufferer refuses to accept it or go to therapy).  Instead, look at her behaviours. My wife is probably BPD, but she is not diagnosed and she has no idea. But when I use the tools and skills I've learnt here - things get better. So that's a good result!

So learn about BPD behaviours - there is a lot of material on this site. Read "Stop walking on eggshells". Learn about Validation (link on the right). And learn about self care.

And keep posting!

[paulielafa02]

That brings up another question. How likely or responsive are people with BPD to therapy? As a result of my girlfriends behavior we are being asked to leave our apartment at the end of our lease. Management has given us plenty of warning and I knew this was inevitable. I always told her and myself that if it came down to this that I would not move in together with her. We are now looking for places and she said she would go to therapy. I have serious doubts because her behaviors seem so deeply engrained

[paulielafa02]

I didn't mention the reason for us being essentially kicked out is her rage. Her yelling, screaming, and absolutely uncontrollable behavior. Disagreements are not uncommon but the way she handles her stress or really anything that is not going she wants her behavior reverts to that of a child.

[ArleighBurke]

Yep. Childlike response to emotion is very BPD like.

YOU will need to decide whether to stay with her or not. Therapy is hit/miss. I think it CAN help, if the BPD sufferer works at it. YOU can also improve the relationship by working on your own skills. You can never eliminate the rages, but you may be able to make them less frequent. I would say that she/you can make the relationship 20-30% better. Is that enough to stay with her?

How long have you been together? How old are you?

[Freakedout66]

I think I'm in the same boat as you.  My girlfriend went through some  terrible experiences as a young girl and teen.  She hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but after reading Stop Walking On Egg Shells, I am convinced that she suffers from BPD.  The behaviors I've experienced are: (1) inexplicable rage; (2) accusations that I want to return to my ex-wife (whom I divorced over a decade ago); (3) twisting what was said; (4) parsing out portions of a conversation and blowing them up into as negative a picture of me as possible; (5) blaming me for her behavior; (6) obsessive eating habits; (7) odd sleep habits (she doesn't sleep much or call it insomnia).   

I found the book very helpful.  I'm not sure it's going to help save the relationship because I'm wiped out.