Looking for help in Switzerland

[UserZer0]

It took mounting disputes between my wife and son, threats of sending my son away to boarding school, threats of suicide and divorce and the right search terms in Google to point me in the direction of BPD, but I really think that it applies to my wife.  I have equally read the book « Walking on eggshells » and it seems to confirm the conclusion that it is highly likely that my wife of 17 years suffers from borderline personality disorder.

Without going into details I can say that I know my wife’s reactions and know that it is highly unlikely that she will agree that she has a problem and definitely will not agree to therapy.

What I am trying to find is someone to discuss with in order to try to develop the tools required to better handle my wife before, during and after her episodes.  I am especially interested in any tools that I can discretely pass on to my two children (10 and 12) in order to help them deal with their mother when she is “activated”.

To be honest, I am also looking to put in place ways protect myself and my children (in case of divorce) from my wife’s possible reactions.  To be clear, I have no intention of divorcing and have never brought up the subject, but of late she has been using the threat more and more during our discussions surrounding our son “if I don’t support her way of thinking”.  If it does come to divorce I want to try to have as much chance as possible to have responsibility of my children, or at least ensure that I can’t be totally excluded from contributing to their care.

Does anyone know of any therapists and / or lawyers in Switzerland (French speaking region) who are expert in this domain?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi UserZer0,

I'm sorry for what brings you here, and glad you found the site.

There are a bunch of skills that can help prevent things from getting worse.

What are some things you notice happening before an episode? Maybe we can look at some specific behaviors and go from there.

One of the most important skills is learning to validate. This goes for your kids, too. Validate how they are feeling about the behaviors your wife displays. I have found that to be the most important form of protection for my son.

You're not alone, we are here to walk with you.

LnL