Filed for divorce

[jonmnemonic]

Finally filed the paperwork to start the divorce process and I feel like a giant a*.  I'm divorcing her because she broke the marriage covenant and I know what I'm doing is right but I still feel horrible.  I guess it's because I know what all of this is costing her.  I signed up to be her provider, protector, encourager, lover and now I'm packing all that up and taking it with me.  She's going to have a hard life whether or not she finds someone else and that makes me sad.  Goodbye to what should have been.  Goodbye to what could have been.  Goodbye to what actually was.

[infjEpic]

Finally filed the paperwork to start the divorce process and I feel like a giant a*.  I'm divorcing her because she broke the marriage covenant and I know what I'm doing is right but I still feel horrible.  I guess it's because I know what all of this is costing her.  I signed up to be her provider, protector, encourager, lover and now I'm packing all that up and taking it with me.  She's going to have a hard life whether or not she finds someone else and that makes me sad.  Goodbye to what should have been.  Goodbye to what could have been.  Goodbye to what actually was.

Sounds very tough jonmnemonic.
Sorry to hear, but happy that you moving forward.

Regarding your pain - in modern Western Society, we tend to forget that the correct decision is frequently the hardest one to make.

i.e. we tend to think sensible decisions result in good feelings
But they seldom do.
At least not initially.

The step you've taken requires courage. And it will require moral fortitude to hold to it.

The flip side you ought not forget, is that not holding to the correct decisions alleviates pain up front, but backloads it exponentially.

Have you begun grieving? Or do you still feel in shock?

[jonmnemonic]

Have you begun grieving? Or do you still feel in shock?

I started grieving the marriage long before we separated.  It's just different now that we're actually separated and every step I take brings more finality.

[Sluggo]

I signed up to be her provider, protector, encourager, lover and now I'm packing all that up and taking it with me.  She's going to have a hard life whether or not she finds someone else and that makes me sad.  Goodbye to what should have been.  Goodbye to what could have been.  Goodbye to what actually was

Reflection is so true.  It is sad.  The what ifs, the I wish it woulds, etc.  All those shared memories -- many will not be not be told as they will be lost.   

Yes I feel you and understand.  I also know it was the right thing to do, and as a few people have said... .it may have been the most loving thing to do.  That doesn't mean it doesnt hurt though.  It does.  Although I am a year after initial filing hoping to be finalized next week, my pain is much less than what it was before.  I am playing with my kids now and able to be the father I wanted to be.   

Never wanted it to be like this or end up like this.