Multiple breakups - was the partner with a PD normally responsible?

[Riguez]

During my relationship with my girlfriend who had BPD/NPD traits, we broke up at least 6 times.  Each time, it was her that pulled the plug.  It seemed to be a control thing to her and then she would recycle me when nobody better came along.  My question for people who were in relationships with personality disordered individuals that broke up multiple times is:

'How many times did you break up and how many of those times were you discarded?'

[FSTL]

Lost count (at least 10), but it was always a control thing. One and only time I dumped her, she managed to turn it around and dump me and I ended up chasing (soo embarrassing to think about it... .).

With the exception of the last ending (which has lasted 5-6 weeks, with very low contact), she always came back, usually when I gave up chasing her. The one exception is where she had no one to go to... .I keept chasing and she came back anyway. Last contact from her was a week ago. As usual, she dangled herself in front of me with BS contact about nothing material. I have learnt to not engage and just go back with admin level of communications and not ask her how she is doing, etc. Seems to work in avoiding any entanglements in a situation where we have to have some contact due to work.

[Aesir]

Most of the time (not the last time) it was she that initiated it. She would get frustrated with her life and use me as a scapegoat. No responsibility at all and with crazy expectations.  The worst thing is that the breakups were unforeseen and completely caught me off guard.

[Riguez]

The worst thing is that the breakups were unforeseen and completely caught me off guard.

Yes, Aesir, I should have put this in my original post.  I never saw any of the breakups coming although if we had an argument over the weekend I would dread her phone call on Monday evening because she liked to breakup at arm's length as it were.  I think that geographical separation made it easier to do so.  If we were physically together, her abandonment fears might be triggered.

I guess that if I was fearing her call then I had developed abandonment fears of my own (through projection?).

[GuySmiley]

Initially when we broke up about 15 years ago I was recycled about 5 or 6 times, until it was me who eventually blocked her when she started sending irate voice mails when she found out I'd starting dating someone else.

Truth is the number of times they come back and recycle and then dump you is only the amount of times that you let them.

[JaxWest]

Interesting post.

With my BPD ex, we had one break up. However, since we were in close quarters due to work, we had several cases where it seemed like we were getting back together.

2nd female (more of the waif variety), never dated... .I made a move, got shot down. That led to a constant flow of her giving me signs that she was interested, but then retreating. She has been back and forth with her ex several times though. She pinned it all on him, but who knows.