Thoughts on small breakthroughs

[Depression = 72% of members]

Not sure about therapy but I'm definitely thinking about it. I don't want to ruminate in an office about  the same story that goes on over and over in my head. It's about me now if I want healthy post relationship life and I know that's the point of therapy,  yet... .
 I believe I may go so there is that, and I've pinned down enough to work on to know there is a concentration and reasoning issue due to the strange interactions I faced daily during this r/s. To be told you said or felt things you didnt or tried to make someone happy or content when their feelings on everything kept changing will wear on you as you realize you were accepting madness. A psychologist friend told me that he was perplexed that such abnormal behavior had a reaction outside of disengaging from such treatment,  but with the easy way she cast me aside then wanted me back like she needed me again, that a control dynamic had set up that my own issues took to. Trauma bonding eventually. A communicator and a feeling first,  assumption action taker. I was accused of everything she did which were all things I stated were deal breakers. My mind was off balance and I didn't care.

Reading outside of relationships and BPD is nearly impossible still. Watching things don't click. I could use suggestions and/or experiences of your next step, if you are that far. My best days are still bad.

[Octy]

Not sure about therapy but I'm definitely thinking about it. I don't want to ruminate in an office about  the same story that goes on over and over in my head. It's about me now if I want healthy post relationship life and I know that's the point of therapy,  yet... .
 I believe I may go so there is that, and I've pinned down enough to work on to know there is a concentration and reasoning issue due to the strange interactions I faced daily during this r/s. To be told you said or felt things you didnt or tried to make someone happy or content when their feelings on everything kept changing will wear on you as you realize you were accepting madness. A psychologist friend told me that he was perplexed that such abnormal behavior had a reaction outside of disengaging from such treatment,  but with the easy way she cast me aside then wanted me back like she needed me again, that a control dynamic had set up that my own issues took to. Trauma bonding eventually. A communicator and a feeling first,  assumption action taker. I was accused of everything she did which were all things I stated were deal breakers. My mind was off balance and I didn't care.

Reading outside of relationships and BPD is nearly impossible still. Watching things don't click. I could use suggestions and/or experiences of your next step, if you are that far. My best days are still bad.

[roberto516]

Hey Octy,

I feel the same way. Well my ex tried to recycle me this week, and although I resisted I contacted her way too much so that I haven't allowed myself to move on this week.

But the small breakthroughts weren't doing anything for me until I accepted that this is what it is. I didn't need to "figure it out" because I was obsessing. I just needed to accept that, even with this recycle attempt, we will never be together again or ever happy with one another. Which was/is a bitter pill for me to swallow.

The small revelations didn't help because it kept me searching and searching. The first real breakthrough I had was when I spent last weekend doing what I wanted. And it was fun! Hope this made sense/helped.

[Octy]

Still searching for that one wake up were groundhog day in my mind is over. Why would I except more than my share of the mistakes? She was planning two weddings at the same time. I just couldn't handle how much I caught. He even knows she cheated on him with me. It's so obvious she's a mess and absolute trouble. Still no mind reprieve. I know better but that has not worked yet... .