BPD wife celebrating divorce on FB w/ replacement? (it haven't started?)

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Quick background. I always suspected my wife of having BPD (waif undiagnosed), silent treatments, push/pull behavior/ false allegations/ gas lighting, black n white thinking, abandonment issues etc etc, we had 7 years marriage, 3 kids. wonderful marriage for 6 years. last year when the big problems started out of nowhere. she was withdrawn, bored, extremely argumentative, stubborn, and her mom (witch BPD) fueled the fire. i got tired of the behavior, so i told my wife i would divorce her (wrong move, even though i didn't mean it). she cut her face, called cops, i got in trouble. we reconciled, and now i was dealing with a monster (different person), she was cursing, being hostile when things didn't go her way since she knew she can use the law against me. she was trying hard to control me. she harassed me daily with jail threats

she did it again in 2 months, called the cops, said i would harm her, boom got in trouble again unfortunately. bad thing was i had no contact order, so i couldn't speak to her directly which broke my family. she left me while pregnant while in jail for 3 days. she initially went to shelter, then started living with boyfriends, friend house in 2-3 weeks started posted pictures with replacement like i never existed, and how much she loved him. i was so shocked, i didn't see it coming that there was another guy in pic, i was heart broken, depressed, and a broken soul.  anyway, in 2months she was low on money, she contacted my family, that she wanted to come back, went out and ate, my sister bought her clothes, food, etc etc. she said she didn't want divorce and whatever happened is the past, lest move on. but once got all the help, she disappeared again. she said not to text her for few days if boyfriend writes or calls them. my family got worried and started texting are u ok? she didn't respond until later, cause she posted a pic of herself kissing the guy, my family said u should take take a pick, the guy or ur husband, and start divorce process since she is pushing all limits to be with a  guy while being married. she started sending very vindictive texts and saying divorce can happen anytime, and how much of a bad husband i was etc etc.

she moved in together with replacement, around the same time. its been 5months all together she has gone. she has posted 1-2 pic of soundspan and new baby. here is where her behavior getting really weird, i need you guys to help me make sense of it cause i sure can't.


Its so strange, My wife made a post on Facebook talking about "its a big day, feeling so happy, i am all yours forever"? the guy friends questioned her what are you celebrating? the BF jumps in and say "her divorce final"... then she commented "let the party get begin" the bf been pushing me to send her divorce paper in the past. he's kinda like a hostile, loser jerk, with nothing to offer. The part thats confusing, i haven't been served with any paper, its been a week. why would she be celebrating when the divorce never started? yet the replacement is saying the divorce is final? What the heck?  

she mirroring the replacement, she did a complete identity makeover, skimpy clothes, posting pics kissing the replacement, drinking alcohol (keep in mind she wasn't like this before), new friends from boyfriend side she probably don't even know, basically she moved in with a guy who is from a different race, culture, language, religion, its so weird. i don't understand how she is even surviving, and she moved with my kids, and think this guy is family. the guy in return, wants to play the "father role" and really believe her 1 side story like she's some victim. i really believe she had him under the wings ready to go, she was possibly feeding him lies from internet how she is some victim. I'm wondering if he has some sort of PD himself to break up a family and eating it all up (her stories). not sure where he conned her from, possibly from FB... she is emotionally gullible.

on every post, she obsessively tells him that she loves him, and the happiest she has ever been and showed her the true meaning of love. keep in mind guy, her own family don't approve of this relationship and behavior since she comes from a  conservative culture. her family alienated her or don't want to be involved with her any longer due to her poor choices, behavior (infidelity) and they think she think is a terrible mother by putting the kids in this predicament. Nobody believes her anymore that she was a domestic violence victim cause they now think, she set me up to get with this new guy, and this was ongoing. 

2 das ago, the boyfriend cousin got irritated with her FB posts cause she kept on interfering in their personal jokes. the cousin go, i know how my cousin found you, i know the whole story on you, he saved you from the streets streets, anyway they argued back n forth, the boyfriend started threatening his own cousin over this girl... .

Anyway today she posted a video of some random woman, who was forced to marry a older guy, and was forced into a marriage. she said this is what happens when you are forced by your parents to marry a guy instead of the person you love. i know FOR SURE she is lying, she fought her mom to marry me. We knew each other for good 1 year, before getting married. I was her ticket to marriage and a stable life. she told me numerous time her father said, make sure this is the guy you want otherwise don't come back to us if you have problems later. ... anyway, i thinks he puts up this video is to play the victim role, she is some poor girl who was forced to marry someone,  to possibly appeal to the friends of the boyfriend as someone innocent, so people feel pity for her and treat her better if she feels out of place? I'm just taking a guess.

this woman is in idealizing phase and treating this $hit guy like he is some prince charming and her savior. its been 5months it appears to be smooth sailing for them so far. she is drop dead gorgeous, so i guess he's showing everyone off that she is some trophy girlfriend.

i actually love the girl and have compassion for her but i realize she has become dangerous for me. my family fought her and tried to bring her back. everyone try to talk her out of leaving this man and returning to family and she refused and pushed us away further. she tells everyone she hates me and some delusional stories about how i was abusive. its her who comes from broken family, she used to tell me her father used to beat her mother.  i just wish she didn't just get up and leave me and destroy these children lies. i wish one day she can come to some sense and get some therapy. i guess its wishful thinking  cause it clearly looks like she has moved on. anyway guys. help me make sense of this behavior. especially the divorce thing. what she doesn't know divorce is coming her way regardless, cause she can't alienate my kids from me. its gone be a tough one cause i have jump through a lot of hurdle to prove my innocence.

[icesoul]

Quick background. I always suspected my wife of having BPD (waif undiagnosed), silent treatments, push/pull behavior/ false allegations/ gas lighting, black n white thinking, abandonment issues etc etc, we had 7 years marriage, 3 kids. wonderful marriage for 6 years. last year when the big problems started out of nowhere. she was withdrawn, bored, extremely argumentative, stubborn, and her mom (witch BPD) fueled the fire. i got tired of the behavior, so i told my wife i would divorce her (wrong move, even though i didn't mean it). she cut her face, called cops, i got in trouble. we reconciled, and now i was dealing with a monster (different person), she was cursing, being hostile when things didn't go her way since she knew she can use the law against me. she was trying hard to control me. she harassed me daily with jail threats

she did it again in 2 months, called the cops, said i would harm her, boom got in trouble again unfortunately. bad thing was i had no contact order, so i couldn't speak to her directly which broke my family. she left me while pregnant while in jail for 3 days. she initially went to shelter, then started living with boyfriends, friend house in 2-3 weeks started posted pictures with replacement like i never existed, and how much she loved him. i was so shocked, i didn't see it coming that there was another guy in pic, i was heart broken, depressed, and a broken soul.  anyway, in 2months she was low on money, she contacted my family, that she wanted to come back, went out and ate, my sister bought her clothes, food, etc etc. she said she didn't want divorce and whatever happened is the past, lest move on. but once got all the help, she disappeared again. she said not to text her for few days if boyfriend writes or calls them. my family got worried and started texting are u ok? she didn't respond until later, cause she posted a pic of herself kissing the guy, my family said u should take take a pick, the guy or ur husband, and start divorce process since she is pushing all limits to be with a  guy while being married. she started sending very vindictive texts and saying divorce can happen anytime, and how much of a bad husband i was etc etc.

she moved in together with replacement, around the same time. its been 5months all together she has gone. she has posted 1-2 pic of soundspan and new baby. here is where her behavior getting really weird, i need you guys to help me make sense of it cause i sure can't.


Its so strange, My wife made a post on Facebook talking about "its a big day, feeling so happy, i am all yours forever"? the guy friends questioned her what are you celebrating? the BF jumps in and say "her divorce final"... then she commented "let the party get begin" the bf been pushing me to send her divorce paper in the past. he's kinda like a hostile, loser jerk, with nothing to offer. The part thats confusing, i haven't been served with any paper, its been a week. why would she be celebrating when the divorce never started? yet the replacement is saying the divorce is final? What the heck?  

she mirroring the replacement, she did a complete identity makeover, skimpy clothes, posting pics kissing the replacement, drinking alcohol (keep in mind she wasn't like this before), new friends from boyfriend side she probably don't even know, basically she moved in with a guy who is from a different race, culture, language, religion, its so weird. i don't understand how she is even surviving, and she moved with my kids, and think this guy is family. the guy in return, wants to play the "father role" and really believe her 1 side story like she's some victim. i really believe she had him under the wings ready to go, she was possibly feeding him lies from internet how she is some victim. I'm wondering if he has some sort of PD himself to break up a family and eating it all up (her stories). not sure where he conned her from, possibly from FB... she is emotionally gullible.

on every post, she obsessively tells him that she loves him, and the happiest she has ever been and showed her the true meaning of love. keep in mind guy, her own family don't approve of this relationship and behavior since she comes from a  conservative culture. her family alienated her or don't want to be involved with her any longer due to her poor choices, behavior (infidelity) and they think she think is a terrible mother by putting the kids in this predicament. Nobody believes her anymore that she was a domestic violence victim cause they now think, she set me up to get with this new guy, and this was ongoing. 

2 das ago, the boyfriend cousin got irritated with her FB posts cause she kept on interfering in their personal jokes. the cousin go, i know how my cousin found you, i know the whole story on you, he saved you from the streets streets, anyway they argued back n forth, the boyfriend started threatening his own cousin over this girl... .

Anyway today she posted a video of some random woman, who was forced to marry a older guy, and was forced into a marriage. she said this is what happens when you are forced by your parents to marry a guy instead of the person you love. i know FOR SURE she is lying, she fought her mom to marry me. We knew each other for good 1 year, before getting married. I was her ticket to marriage and a stable life. she told me numerous time her father said, make sure this is the guy you want otherwise don't come back to us if you have problems later. ... anyway, i thinks he puts up this video is to play the victim role, she is some poor girl who was forced to marry someone,  to possibly appeal to the friends of the boyfriend as someone innocent, so people feel pity for her and treat her better if she feels out of place? I'm just taking a guess.

this woman is in idealizing phase and treating this $hit guy like he is some prince charming and her savior. its been 5months it appears to be smooth sailing for them so far. she is drop dead gorgeous, so i guess he's showing everyone off that she is some trophy girlfriend.

i actually love the girl and have compassion for her but i realize she has become dangerous for me. my family fought her and tried to bring her back. everyone try to talk her out of leaving this man and returning to family and she refused and pushed us away further. she tells everyone she hates me and some delusional stories about how i was abusive. its her who comes from broken family, she used to tell me her father used to beat her mother.  i just wish she didn't just get up and leave me and destroy these children lies. i wish one day she can come to some sense and get some therapy. i guess its wishful thinking  cause it clearly looks like she has moved on. anyway guys. help me make sense of this behavior. especially the divorce thing. what she doesn't know divorce is coming her way regardless, cause she can't alienate my kids from me. its gone be a tough one cause i have jump through a lot of hurdle to prove my innocence.

[heartandwhole]

Hi icesoul,

This sounds really difficult. In your shoes, I'm sure my head would be spinning. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Have divorce papers been filed by either of you? Are you preparing to do so?

It sounds to me like your wife is scrambling to create a situation where she feels safe and okay about herself. If that means distorting "reality" to suit her needs, then maybe that is what is happening. If she has BPD, there could be a lot of pain and shame driving this behavior.

What are your next steps to recover from this, icesoul?

heartandwhole

[icesoul]

Hi icesoul,

This sounds really difficult. In your shoes, I'm sure my head would be spinning. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Have divorce papers been filed by either of you? Are you preparing to do so?

It sounds to me like your wife is scrambling to create a situation where she feels safe and okay about herself. If that means distorting "reality" to suit her needs, then maybe that is what is happening. If she has BPD, there could be a lot of pain and shame driving this behavior.

What are your next steps to recover from this, icesoul?

heartandwhole

Very very difficult, does got my head spinning, the whole situation is a freak show. American justice system sucks. How do they put no contact between family with kids is ridiculous, not even text. maybe , just maybe I would of brought her back, if there was no order.

I havent been served yet so i think she haven't filed. I know she dont have much money so I'm not sure how she's would. Maybe govt services help with divorce in domestic violence situations ? I doubt it. She was always dependent on me, and her boyfriend is broke and a low level punk, was living with his mom and straight moved in with her for some action. What kinda loser breaks up a home with kids. He had a nerve to tell me they are soulmates, once when I spoke to him asking to see my kids which she refused ofcourse.

Initially I didnt want divorce. My family, even her family tried their hardest trying to talk some sense into giving up this affair. In return they were met with harsh exaggerated verbal attacks of how terrible I was. Everytime she's asked about the guy, she jumps on me in return like a wounded cornered animal...

I guess I don't have no option but to file since she is alienating my kids. She left me without any sort of closure. I just didn't think she's walk away from a solid relationship with all these kids. Only last year there were problems or circular Arguments but never thought she had a back up or would she stoop to that level. I actually did get some closure from her friend who spoke to my wife 2wees ago. Her friend tried to convince her to return one last time for sake of kids... She told her friend "can't he see my pics on Facebook, i know he checks it all the time. Why everybody gets the point except him", she said "I have moved on" from what her college friend said who was on my side. Her friend felt sorry and said leave her she doesn't want to rerurn. This was enough clarification for me and helped me in some ways wanting to stop holding on to hope and her memories

U think she scrambling to feel ok? Good observation that makes sense. I feel bad for her, she's definetly feeling shame. Cause all she have been met with is rejection from everyone including all her family and friends but they asked her nicely to rethink her behavior. Only person on her side is her  a crazy mom who said somehow all of this is my fault  I cause I pushed her so far. Bul$hit

Her pics werent supposed to reach her family . She put it up online as a fictitious name but somehow family found out and she must be really embarrased. But she try to justify it. She was telling my family last time, she is not backing out, she's facing everyone and not running away from thia. I think it's a week attempt to show her self as a strong person.

She defenetly is BPD bro. Her moods shifted so bad within hours. We would do eat and had a great family time and I'm an hour shed argue about something new, it was so weird. Unfortunately I didn't know how severe her issues were or how far she was going to take this...

If she is truly in pain, why u think she's openly DRInking (which she accused me btw before)) wearing revealing clothes or acting premiscous, living with a guy with no marriage , worst still married to me. It's a no-no in our culture. She is pushing all boundaries, knowing her family is going to seriously disaaprove but she knows they can't do anything cause they are in another county. She has created a circus for them. She should know better. Or is it possible with the disease, she just cant stop with their impulsiveness? I don't understand it. With me she was different

My recovery is fighting for my kids and get them out. I'm hoping to win custody but it would be difficult, she told her friend I will die paying her child support. She took the kids for strategic reason for govt assistance... she cares more about her affair than her kids. What's so confusing like I said, she was a wonderful person over 6years which turned into a monster using the flawed justice system.

Do BPD not remember the past? Be I'm split black. From what I read they don't, and only focus on present . It's a very sad situation but I'm finally starting to accept it that it's reality, painful but true

[icesoul]

Hi icesoul,

Have divorce papers been filed by either of you? Are you preparing to do so?

It sounds to me like your wife is scrambling to create a situation where she feels safe and okay about herself. If that means distorting "reality" to suit her needs, then maybe that is what is happening. If she has BPD, there could be a lot of pain and shame driving this behavior.

heartandwhole

i wish she could just come back but its wishful thinking so far. she just hates, hates, hates me at the moment (splitting). she is so focused new guy, how she used to be with me. i was initially hoping she return and i get her in therapy. but due to shame, i think she possibly went to deeper level of splitting if there is one

my family is confused, they are saying she never loved you, i try to inform them about the disease about idealization/ devalue, but sometimes its hard for people to accept when they never lived through it. anyway, this girl refuses to return,

divorce will be filed from my side tomorow. I'm hoping, once she gets the divorce paper, she wakes up and wanting to work things out, or it can be the opposite and she can even turn more hostile. i read few books where its said, high conflict women love the court n drama. she might be expecting it. her main focus is to punish me right now cause some how she "Feels" wronged/betrayed

i wasn't the easiest person to get along with but NEVER did i touch her. but i did stood my ground and laid the boundaries. Im not the codependent type. i might have some traits but i had pretty firm boundaries. i think what ruined our marriage was my divorce threat, which made her panic and start looking for backup, i regret it now. but at the time i didn't know what BPD was in depth, or what does abandonment do to people like her. she actually gave me a taste of what abandonment felt like which was horrible

[heartandwhole]

icesoul,

I can really understand your feelings about this, and it's normal to feel guilty and think about what would have been a better response to your wife's behavior. As you said, though, you didn't know about BPD at the time. I believe we do the best we can with what we know. When we know better, we can try to do better.

I'm not sure serving her divorce papers is going to make her want to come back. Are you legally separated? I know different regions/states have their own rules about this.

It's very hard to accept this, but with time and effort, things can get better. Have you had a chance to read our articles on the subject? This one helped me so much when I first arrived here, hurting and confused:

Surviving a Breakup When Your Partner Has BPD

I also recommend taking a look at the Family Law, Divorce, and Custody board. If this does progress to divorce, you can get some good advice there.

Keep posting. It helps to get your feelings out and gain some perspective on your situation. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[icesoul]

icesoul,

I can really understand your feelings about this, and it's normal to feel guilty and think about what would have been a better response to your wife's behavior. As you said, though, you didn't know about BPD at the time. I believe we do the best we can with what we know. When we know better, we can try to do better.

I'm not sure serving her divorce papers is going to make her want to come back. Are you legally separated? I know different regions/states have their own rules about this.

It's very hard to accept this, but with time and effort, things can get better. Have you had a chance to read our articles on the subject? This one helped me so much when I first arrived here, hurting and confused:

Surviving a Breakup When Your Partner Has BPD

I also recommend taking a look at the Family Law, Divorce, and Custody board. If this does progress to divorce, you can get some good advice there.

Keep posting. It helps to get your feelings out and gain some perspective on your situation. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

yea i do feel guilty, she pushed my buttons and i pushed hers, i feel like i lost everything over night, if i knew by mentioning divorce would make her do crazy things like involving the law, i would of never said it. i was just so frustrated with her and her arguments that i was trying to give her a slight scare to straighten her act but it backfired, didn't know she actually was going to take it to heart. i mean she is no angel, the girl turned into a cold hearted creature. she was baiting me in arguments, i guess its the push/pull behavior to test your loyalty, basically a $hit test that i failed. i knew something was off about her, but now is a whole different ballgame basically she acting like a skeeze online which is painful to watch. i am not sure what happened to her morals and ethics? it completely disappeared. you think she could of had a mental breakdown? by putting me in jail and just getting with this guy or is this typical BPD behavior? she change personality into a whole new person. i love her to death but at this time my priority is to save the children.

oh bro, after she put me to jail, she left the county and went straight to the guy, started living in his friends house right away and moving in with him in 2months, now we been separated for about 5 months altogether. she also gave birth to my child, disgusting she had relations with him during pregnancy, so unfair to the child. atleast i can say she is sick, but the guy is a douche. no worries, I'm covered on lawyers and stuff. my criminal cases are pending, they could try all they want, i have solid evidence to beat it. what I'm worried about is custody, she don't deserve them cause she is ill. hopefully i can nail her with the judge, the kids need a stable parent, they're innocent, she just took them for a meal ticket, she don't care bout them. she put her affair over them.

i read that article along with million others online. i been obsessed with the whole BPD for the last 5 months. i like to know the nature of the beast. any article i read, matches her 1000%. It helps, I'm definitely looking to gain some perspective on the situation. It helps understanding their behavior why they act a certain way. since she is over with me, i know things will never be the same. i was hoping a happy ending. like getting her treatment and one day she would become normal again, but i seriously doubt it. its so sad, cause someone thats so bright, humorous, can be that mentally sick.

[icesoul]

It's so stupid, they (replacement n wife) putting on a show on Facebook how happy they are with each other for quite some time now... .Replacement knew I wanted her back so he was putting In more work in relationship... .

they know I check her page  cause her mom told her before , ps she knows her family is watching too overseas. It's only them two commenting , she has noone left, Friends or family left due to her poor choices...   From her FB page atleast , it feels She seem unphased by meeting family rejection so far acting nonchalant like it's ok she can survive on her own.

The video like I said shows some abused woman who were forced to marry against her wishes n stuck In marriage. I guess she was forced and unhappy with million hickies on my neck on the wedding night and four kids later ...  she fought for our marriage like I said previously, it's so weird , I don't see why she rejecting our past or distorting it like we were a bad match.  She has already 5years worth of Facebook posts reflecting how happy she was (weirdo), i don't understand it...

ReplAcement comment : you don't have to live the stupid dumbass lifestyle nomore, ur with a real man (dude was living with mom before )

Wife: I'm in good hands, ur my hero, love how u treat me like queen,I love it

i know it's for a show but who is she convincing? Herself? me or maybe her family or past friends... ?

 it's strange they always show affection on Facebook when they live together.?. if somebody that happy they gota repeat same things online for  everyone?... .I guess she wants to make sure I suffer

In my 7years I never had to write once how happy I was... I guess to each his own

[heartandwhole]

Hi icesoul,

This really sucks. I'm sorry you have to go through it. And I wouldn't put too much stock in what appears on Facebook. Appearances are very, very deceiving. She might be trying to convince herself, she might be doing it for show. I suppose the reasons why people use Facebook are as varied as there are people in the world. 

Have you thought about not looking at her FB page for a while? I know it's not easy, but the more you get her out of your daily thoughts and activities, the faster you can detach. I know you have children, so your ex will always be a part of your life.

But she can be a smaller part. And the bigger part can be you thriving again.

heartandwhole

[kentavr3]

HI! I know what you are going through. I was in this situation in May of 2014. I had a restraining order. I published this situation many times here. You are going now through:
1'Legal problems. For this you wold better publish your situation on the forum about legal issues.
2. Financial.
3. Psychological.

Get a therapist. You need to talk to somebody. You need to take some antidepressants.
From my experience:
1. I tried to save a family. It didn't work. I was discarded a second time with immediate replacement.
 Ask questions , but one by one. I'll try to reply you.

[GaGrl]

As you move to file for divorce, you may want to capture screen prints of her Facebook posts, in case she attempts to block access or deny anything later.

[kentavr3]

how are your kids? Do you have custody? Do you see them?
 You have commit that she have adultery. Did you talk to lawyer?

[kentavr3]

"she said this is what happens when you are forced by your parents to marry a guy instead of the person you love. i know FOR SURE she is lying, she fought her mom to marry me.:

Happened to me. Looks like we were married the same woman. ) I know , that you don't get jokes now.

This is called "emotional heroin". For the beginning they pull us up to smash us down. The famous physiologist Otto Kenberg writes in his book, that BPD feeling are true at the moment.  yes, this is true that they loved us in the beginning and this is true that they hate us in the end. Who they are? The last one. They are initially broken. You'll have a long road of getting knowledge ahead. Focus on custody now. What country she is from?

[icesoul]

yea its weird i saw her at court this week. i had to pull the courage together to see her with another man. it wasn't easy, cause i still love her. it wasn't all smiles towards her BF. she always keep a straight face (pokerface), its very hard to read here. matter of fact they were both silent and sitting atleast a seat away. as soon as bf notices me,nowhe finally put his arm around her ...

i  am finally trying to convince myself i was with sick person, i have compassion for her no matter what she has done but she has to know somewhere in her heart what she is doing is beyond normal.  like not allowing me to see children or she's punishing me for things i haven't done. just cause we had disagreement, doesn't mean i deserve all this.

its actually good to catch her at Facebook lies. cause it will eventally play out in my family court. all of it, the affair, i hope i nail her in custody battle. she is overconfident right now that she got this. like she told her friend, i will die paying her child support. she told her friend, he should man up and stop crying like a girl, i have moved on. that closure right that, finally made me realize she is completely done, as ruthless the comment was, it made it easier for me to detach and convince myself she is no longer the person i knew.

Hi icesoul,

This really sucks. I'm sorry you have to go through it. And I wouldn't put too much stock in what appears on Facebook. Appearances are very, very deceiving. She might be trying to convince herself, she might be doing it for show. I suppose the reasons why people use Facebook are as varied as there are people in the world. 

Have you thought about not looking at her FB page for a while? I know it's not easy, but the more you get her out of your daily thoughts and activities, the faster you can detach. I know you have children, so your ex will always be a part of your life.

But she can be a smaller part. And the bigger part can be you thriving again.

heartandwhole

[icesoul]

yes it was horrible in the first 2 months, i thought i was going to die, i stopped listening to music and shut down. i had nightmares of her infedility and she gave me permanent treatment without any closure, i had nightmares that i would see her at a place and she wouldn't respond and walk away from me, it were horrible dreams.

1) legal problems she starting to have them already. so far ball was in her court with all the false charges. as evil as she is, she is sloppy. she is not the planner type, she is more impulsive and does damage and not think of consequences.
2) financial she basically made me a homeless, she sold all the jewelry, my business equipment, its ok though.
3) i did some seek some therapy, i might need more.

you were discarded twice? how did you save her the first time? did she cheat the first time? was there a replacement both times? did you try to get her in to therapy.

HI! I know what you are going through. I was in this situation in May of 2014. I had a restraining order. I published this situation many times here. You are going now through:
1'Legal problems. For this you wold better publish your situation on the forum about legal issues.
2. Financial.
3. Psychological.

Get a therapist. You need to talk to somebody. You need to take some antidepressants.
From my experience:
1. I tried to save a family. It didn't work. I was discarded a second time with immediate replacement.
 Ask questions , but one by one. I'll try to reply you.

[icesoul]

As you move to file for divorce, you may want to capture screen prints of her Facebook posts, in case she attempts to block access or deny anything later.

no doubt about that. screenshots are great, i definitely will so i can nail her inconsistencies ... s he will deny for sure, but she an backtrack her post. it will catch up.

the law is so screwed, they arrest men on word of mouth with no proof. but i have something solid for her when the times come.

its still sad though. its hurt you can love a person so much, even more than yourself, and they turn around and hate you and become your worst enemy. so hard to digest that

[icesoul]

how are your kids? Do you have custody? Do you see them?
 You have commit that she have adultery. Did you talk to lawyer?

what happened was, the she framed me once for domestic violence. i gave her a 2nd chance, she haven't completely discarded me at that time, maybe the replacement wasn't ready. she stayed away from me for a month, between that month she went on a distortion campaign against me with family. she took some of my faults and exhagerrated them to people like i was some demon then she returned. she said she was going to apologize to me mom for what she has done (never did). it started good again, then the problems started again with her mood swings.

now she has become extremely aggressive. she realized how easy it was for to manipulate the law agains the and threw me in jail when i had a clean record. so she was saying, any little arguments she was threatening me with jail. luckily i started recording her which she didn't know. one day she got upset again over something stupid, called the law on me again and made up a false threat, boom again i went to jail, she took the kids went straight to replacement. since then she never looked back, cause she is getting govt assistance for foodstamps so she doesn't have to do much. at 2 months mark she was low on cash, so my sister helped her with food, clothes, and money. she talked to them and wanted to reconcile . she really wanted to talk to me i refused cause i had no contact order, i was worried she might record me and if she had a relapse or if her feelings change with her mood, i didn't want to risk my freedom. i did wanted to talk to her but coudnt  maybe she felt rejection and disappeared afterwards. 

i don't if adultery going to matter or not in family court. depends on the judge, i hope i get a judge who is conservative. cause there is more than a few judges in our county. you can get a liberal one who wouldn't care about that, and would just say she has moved on. or if i get someone conservative, hopefully they realize this is morally and ethnically wrong, depends on luck, who i will end up with...

anyway, so far things were going in here way she has the upper until for months, until this week. someone body filed "neglectful supervision and neglect physically" complaint against her, that goes in my favor, worst part was she was avoiding CPS which she intially was trying to use against me. the plan backfired cause they started keeping tabs on her after she got me out the pic. now she will realize how they quickly they turned-on her.

so i saw her at court. she was there with replacement. they were both quiet. she me walk in, she just looked once and started looking in front of her where the judge was. no reaction. i thought she was going to try to make me jealous by acting flirty with the BF but no. she just a blank look on her face. all the lovey duvy stuff they post one Facebook wasn't there. or maybe she was concerned about her court appeararne and maybe was thinking whats she going to say to judge. worst mistake she came without a lawyer. they court ordered against her. that she needs to cooperative with the agency or she will be done as a caretaker for them. in a way all this helps me, i was so happy cause i know my kids need me, they are innocent and am sure miss me like crazy.


yes i finally go an excellent lawyer. we are starting to get started on the custody. hopefully we have enough to get the kids outta her and show court her inconsistent behavior. infidelity, the complaint against her with social service, which should weaken her case a lot. the only thing she have going against me is the false charges, which i am fighting, i know i will beat it no matter what, but all this stuff is extremely time consuming. maybe a year.

[kentavr3]

you remind me myself in 2014. Total agony. yes. all this chaos not understandable for the normal person. For BPD everything is intensive and show. So, you said "her new BF". Let's be physiologists a little. Forget about a BF. Call him "object". BPD can't love. They can imitate love by playing intensive. They try. I was also homeless. She fight with my 75 years old Mom and called police. I wasn't home even.  But 3 hours later I was kicked out by restraining order. 5 days later my Mom was kicked out. We lived 3 weeks at different friends houses. During this time I couldn't contact my daughter who I raised from the moment she was born. Oh yes! Forgot! ExBPDw had a child from the previous marriage. She left him in her country to her previous husband. She told me that previous husband was a devil (it calls "demonization". I trusted her. I thought that I was special. No. I wasn't. Now, looks like another object has been gong through the idealization stage.

[Huh?]

Honestly dude, having read your story... .this doesn't sound much like love on her part, it sounds like she is just about surviving right now.  She's just using this dude because she has no place to go and is working hard to sell it to him and everybody else.

This sounds very similar to a distant train wreck of a relative I have.  Single mom, in and out of rehab, multiple kids w/ different dads... .she recently did the same thing, broke up with her boyfriend... .had nowhere to go, moved in with her mom who kicked her out a couple days later... .next thing you know she's in a new relationship with a new guy she just met who is the love of her life... .for a few weeks, until she found a place of her own... .for now.

[icesoul]

wow sorry to hear bout your story man. thats exactly how it was for me too. i didn't understand what was wrong wit her, the behavior was so puzzling that the girl loves you one minute and hates you the next. i just couldn't figure it out, i only started searching for answers in the last year of our marriage. but till she sent me to jail, she was fine, then she turned on me afterwards and never been the same. i think mined did love me, cause before leaving me, during one argument she said my love for you is now dead, i no longer love you, so i think up till this payment she did but who knows, she is so hard/puzzling to figure out, only god knows. mine was going after my mom too during an argument, my mom is 80, she was in a rage, she said i want your mom dead, i hope she rots in grave with maggots (whoa)... .she said i wish you were dead too. with me she never really badmouth he told relationship. she just told me that he used her and didn't want to marry here... these people with this illness are dangerous to kids. she is doing more harm to her children not allowing to see me, she is out of her mind

you remind me myself in 2014. Total agony. yes. all this chaos not understandable for the normal person. For BPD everything is intensive and show. So, you said "her new BF". Let's be physiologists a little. Forget about a BF. Call him "object". BPD can't love. They can imitate love by playing intensive. They try. I was also homeless. She fight with my 75 years old Mom and called police. I wasn't home even.  But 3 hours later I was kicked out by restraining order. 5 days later my Mom was kicked out. We lived 3 weeks at different friends houses. During this time I couldn't contact my daughter who I raised from the moment she was born. Oh yes! Forgot! ExBPDw had a child from the previous marriage. She left him in her country to her previous husband. She told me that previous husband was a devil (it calls "demonization". I trusted her. I thought that I was special. No. I wasn't. Now, looks like another object has been gong through the idealization stage.

[icesoul]

i think you are onto to something. she told her mom, this guy is temporary and she wants to live on her own but she sure doesn't want to return to me    but u might be right she is just using him for a place to stay. the only people she knows in whole America is me and him. she is surviving on foodstamps and i guess waiting that i will be stuck paying her child support. that is so stupid, she got 4kids with me. the guy is freakin worried that he might lose her, he seems inconfident almost. he was playing this tuff macho role but in court he was quite as a church mouse. they both seem nervous cause social services are onto them, instead of worrying about children, they are worried about me.

i don't think she loves him either. she moved to the ghetto to be with him though. she's weird. the guy knows he can't get a woman better than her so he's willing to play that macho role that he's willing to do anything for her. guy is a straight clown.  also the idiot, just put up my picture and started his defamation campaign on his Facebook page cause i sent police to do wellfare check on children. he wrote on this pic on his page (got 5k something friends) about how i am this abusive, neglectful, controlling, pshycially abusive, lying person, i made her my sex slave  and how is much better man. now this imbecile doesn't realize she gave me 4 children, and spent 7 years with me, she can't really be that forced she got him so whipped that he wrote/thinks she met me on wedding night and forced to marry me haha. people on his page are commenting F' me and even my wife saying F' me and they are his new family   for god sake she met this loser from online. bunch of other crap he wrote that i don't even remember.

what are the laws guys on cyber bullying? its time i take this idiot to court.

you said it doesn't sound like love. but dont borderline idealizes any guys they can get their hands on? as cooping mechanism to fill that void? they are mutually love bombing each other for last 5 months. I'm starting to think if he is just as much personality disordered as she is. he is a weird dude. who takes over a family of 4, and start posting pictures with the kids from day one and start calling them "his family" ... the guy is something. he dresses as clown on birthdays for living but i guess he don't have no customers, sometimes drives taxi and cut grass over seeing mentally disabled people. she sure picked a winner

Honestly dude, having read your story... .this doesn't sound much like love on her part, it sounds like she is just about surviving right now.  She's just using this dude because she has no place to go and is working hard to sell it to him and everybody else.

This sounds very similar to a distant train wreck of a relative I have.  Single mom, in and out of rehab, multiple kids w/ different dads... .she recently did the same thing, broke up with her boyfriend... .had nowhere to go, moved in with her mom who kicked her out a couple days later... .next thing you know she's in a new relationship with a new guy she just met who is the love of her life... .for a few weeks, until she found a place of her own... .for now.

[icesoul]

ok this is turning ugly, the replacement just went on a vilification rampage on his Facebook page against me   guy seems to be super insecure, he trying to basically taunt me and assisinate my character online. maybe he is scared she might have change of heart, he secretly im'ed me and i said please don't write to me unless its bout to the kids, in return he said, please don't ever say to her you love or miss her (dude believes everything she tells him). this is how much of a immature sucker this guy is

he went on his Facebook page, took my picture, and posted on his page, and try to make me seem like I'm this evil malicious person. he claimed i mentally and pshycially abused her and children (he has the nerve to say this when they have open social services investigation against them for child psychical neglect and neglectful supervision). he said, she was my sex slave and servant. instead of the kids, these idiots are playing some highschool immature games. shows how unstable, her mind frame is, but she found her match.

all thee petty immature attempts to gain my attention is pathetic. i can understand she is vindictive but now i got a man willing to join in on the girly gossip. it slander, defamation and did stress me out to some extent cause its not fair, he can't throw my picture on there like that, I'm not sure what my legal options are. i guess he's upset cause i usually saw the law enforcement officer to do a safety check on my kids which is my right since she is alienating them, it my children.

people were starting to comment how i should get hurt and beat up, which he said yes. at some point wifey joined in and said, F him, this is my new family. the replacement continued to say that my BPD wife told him that there were gay men that sat on my lap for hours (wow) and she never saw me till wedding night that her mom forced her   (btw, i knew her for a year)

this guy really think we didn't have no sort of relationship in 7 years, and these 4 children dropped from the sky. the guy has no brain cells working, I'm starting to think he might just be as much PD himself and both mutually love bombing each other. he seem like the insecure type like he knows, she deserves better . He is putting on this clown tough guy show on net, to impress her, it might be working since it will possibly boost her damaged ego.

what do you guys make out of this? i think its an act of desperation. they are starting to make  a lot of mistakes, in a way this should help my case, to show their unstable state of mind. anyway, I'm sure she is loving the chaos and drama. whats even more odd that she is adding people from the replacement social media page that were part of this hate post, she probably thinks these people are "real friends" which is just a friends add. maybe she feels safe, she has friends now, whatever it is, the girl needs to be in pshyactric ward.

what do you guys think?

[heartandwhole]

That sounds really upsetting, icesoul. Remember, her new boyfriend is getting only one side of a story.

I think you should document as much as you can and stay cool. Don't take any bait. Don't react. Respond by gathering information that will help put your children in the best possible situation going forward.

heartandwhole

[icesoul]

That sounds really upsetting, icesoul. Remember, her new boyfriend is getting only one side of a story.

I think you should document as much as you can and stay cool. Don't take any bait. Don't react. Respond by gathering information that will help put your children in the best possible situation going forward.

heartandwhole

ur right, yea i know its a bait, but I'm not a fool to play these high school games with there are children in the mix. the more they act stupid the better, the more the court hopefully see this. exactly thats what I'm hoping for, when i see them in court for custody which btw will be soon by the way. i already have a emergency temporary hearing on the kids coming up. i hope these documents put an end to everything for both and game over.

[kentavr3]

She creates this show. All of them , I mean BPDs, needs negative show and your emotions. I now how hard is this,but try do not loot into FB. No contact. She knows that you go to FB. I know how this is hard! I know! From my experience, I would like to said you :DO NOT SHOW YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS!

[icesoul]

She creates this show. All of them , I mean BPDs, needs negative show and your emotions. I now how hard is this,but try do not loot into FB. No contact. She knows that you go to FB. I know how this is hard! I know! From my experience, I would like to said you :DO NOT SHOW YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS!

i know its for a show. she knows everyone watching, her family, my family, me so she has to show everyone she made the right decision and is very happy. she is all over him in pictures, just a 2weeks after she dumped me in jail (worst possible way to destroy someone life). but when i saw her at the court for hearing, she was quiet, almost sat at a distance from him and not cracked a smile once towards him (strange). initially i thought she was going to anything in her power to make me jealous. like i said, make she was worried about her case/judge.

 the replacement was slandering me, I'm sure she liked the chaos and joined in "F him this is my family now", but I'm sure any type of slander won't make her feel any better. As far as replacement, its sad that I'm on his mind  if i send the officer over there to check on kids, i have every right due to fact they have open case of neglect. in my religion and values, i was always taught to kill them with kindness and learn to forgive. so i made my own post (in case she checks which seems unlikely) wishing her well and thanking her for giving me beautiful children.

her illness possibly blinds her from any compassion or don't feel the pain of others, so I'm sure my message will go pass over her head. she doesn't realize she broke me as a person, but the pain shall pass, i am slowly starting to heal. instead of engaging in some negative BS anymore that she used to bait me in and my childrens come first. so i make sure I'm on my best behavior cause my kids are living with a stranger who could be a nut job, which he is acting the part.

i am honestly so ready to move on from this negative experience. as much as i love her, its not worth it anymore, i feel no hate, only forgiveness cause i realize she is ill and making irrational decisions, its not my right to judge her. at the end of the day she is only hurting her body and soul by giving it up to someone who is just using her for sex hiding under the false pretext of love.

she will know one day realize what she lost (or maybe she won't) when i find a woman that actually cares about me. right now she think she got the upper hand cause she has someone that care about her, and got kids and I'm alone with nobody and she knows I'm suffering. but i can live with being alone, its actually good. i don't need to jump in rebound relationship to prove my worth, thats really stupid.

[kentavr3]

As for the "sexual slave". ExBPDw said in the court on restraining order hearing , that I wanted sex 5 times per day! ) My lawyer looked at me with respect. Judge was Korean woman.  She denied restraining order against me and my Mom. )
 Do not think now about another woman that you'll find. Take care of yourself. Get divorced. remember that your kids need you. If you get involved to the relationship right away, you'll get the same. This already confirmed by many books that I read.

[icesoul]

As for the "sexual slave". ExBPDw said in the court on restraining order hearing , that I wanted sex 5 times per day! ) My lawyer looked at me with respect. Judge was Korean woman.  She denied restraining order against me and my Mom. )
 Do not think now about another woman that you'll find. Take care of yourself. Get divorced. remember that your kids need you. If you get involved to the relationship right away, you'll get the same. This already confirmed by many books that I read.

 mine can play the sex slave card. i was her sex slave  as you know sex is great/ very intense with BPD. crap i have 10s of videos of her being very affectionate towards me so she can't prove she was forced (BS).

imo, there is nothing wrong with thinking of next woman. i will be very very careful this time that someone doesn't love bomb me, cause it was definitely strange in the beginning.

i am really hoping, she loses custody. she is looking at the kids as a meal ticket. unfortunately that all they are. cause if she really loved them, she wouldn't make them suffer and broke a home like that. its sad but this sickness is harmful to everyone involved including small children.