Ended again

[Is this hell]

I find myself at my wits end again. I find it hard to talk to friends and family as they have seen me so heartbroken because of my now ex. We were trying and went to counselling but then he started going back to how he was. He said he just cannot show me words of encouragement compliments or basically show me he loved me. I have been to hell with him. How do I end contact.

[Pretty Woman]

If you want to end contact you need to do it.

Only you can end contact.

1) block or change your number'
2) block his number in your phone
3) delete or archive any emails he sends (don't read them)
4) block him from your FB

NC includes checking his Facebook and social media accounts. If you are checking those it's still indirect contact and will prevent you from moving on.

These are just some ways you can eliminate contact. I can't tell you what do do but I can provide a non-judgemental ear and suggestions.

You have taken a BIG step realizing this is NOT good for you. You tried counceling and it did not resolve the situation.

Are you still getting counceling for yourself? That is very helpful, esp if you are taking this step to go NC. He may reach out to you and you need to stay strong. You need to build up your support system and that's where a therapist helps.

Try not to be upset with friends and family. I've been there. They WILL come around, they do love you. It's hard for people not in our types of relationships to understand the sheer toxicity and emeshment. We are very co-dependent and that creates a loaded bond.

Keep posting here and we will help get you through this. You are human. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been here and many of us went back for more abuse before enough was enough (I went back 13, yes 13x) until my ex left me coldly for someone else and is now engaged to that person. After four years of putting my friends and family through sheer hell watching me be her punching bag emotionally.

I promise you, your bonds with family and friends will return and may even be stronger. Keep the faith, you will get yourself back but you need to stick to your guns and have boundaries you don't allow ANYONE to break. Hold yourself to the highest standards, Girl. You. Got. This.

 

[allienoah]

Pretty Woman you are so helpful... I too want to go NC, I am in therapy to help me regain my sense of self after all of the gaslighting and verbal abuse. I just haven't found the strength to do it yet. I do know this is wrong for me and my family has shunned me as a result of this relationship. I know they love me-my children for heaven's sake!-and my sister, they only want me to be happy and healthy. I too have been broken up with more times than I could count, it's always for setting a boundary that my bfwBPD hates.
@in this hell-I too felt the shunning when we did break up as it practically gave me a nervous breakdown. My kids-young adults-do not ever want to see me in bed crying for days again, and they will not even see my bf as a result. We had tried therapy at one time, but he put all the focus on my kid's not wanting him sleeping over as the cause of his behavior. If they accepted him he wouldn't act this way. I don't believe that. It will always be something that triggers him. That is the hard part to accept. Maybe you can start to believe that it will always be something and the good times last only as long as nothing considered a trigger comes up

[once removed]

How do I end contact.

sweeping moves like cutting off/blocking all contact can backfire - it tends to induce anxiety in both parties.

can you tell us more, Is this hell? how long have the two of you been together? have you ended the relationship?