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Author Topic: Is it or isn't jt?  (Read 357 times)
dancingnancy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1


« on: March 17, 2017, 06:00:49 PM »

We're exhausted! We adopted our 18 yr old son 5 years ago when he was 13. He's had behavioral issues for at least as long as he's been in foster care-destructive, impulsive, manipulative, and deceptive. He likes drugs but is a addict of opportunity, he doesnt really seek them out but will use whatever is available. Over the past three years he's also had inappropriate sexual behaviors; stealing panties, soliciting nudes from lower functioning or much younger girls, video taping a woman nude without permission and masturbating in inappropriate places. In October we experienced the suicide of a young family member and one week to the day after he died our son took 27 pills then wanted to go to the hospital. He has three charges pending for an incident at school. He isn't especially aggressive towards others but he's kind of small so that may be part of the reason he isn't. His relationships with females are so over the top-hes on love with girls he's talked to a handful of times, wanted to get his girlfriend of a week pregnant, etc.  He doesn't really have make friends.  He is on his cell phone 24/7 and talks to mutliple girls at a time, sends around 50 shirtless selfies a day. Some doctors have said borderline, some say histrionic and one says antisocial. We've tried all we know to try and are lost... .
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Lollypop
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1353



« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2017, 04:05:33 AM »

Hi there Dancingnancy

I want to welcome you to the forum. I'm sorry you're feeling lost but glad you've found us.  It sounds like there's a LOT going on with your teenage son.

I've an adult son, who is 26 and was diagnosed at 24.  To be honest, he was always tricky and his behaviours got much worse at 15 or so.  I can really empathise with you. I took each incident and, despite getting that feeling of something is not right here, I'd explain it away Always able to put it down to hormones etc.  Combined together, these incidents, were telling me something.  At 18 I just couldn't see if the behaviours were caused by the drugs or in fact there was something underlying. It was a rollercoaster and I was very very focussed on him and his problems.  There's been gradual improvement and it's taken longer for him to mature than average. I wish I'd had my skills earlier as I prevented him developing; hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I encourage you to read up about BPD. Take a look at the top right hand side of this page and you'll find loads of information.  Regardless of your son's diagnosis the communication skills and validation skills will help you enormously.  They've changed the way I interact with my highly emotional son in a very positive way, there's a calming influence and validation skills are amazing.  I use them on my non-BPD son 16 years old as he tries to cope with all the stuff teenagers naturally go through. Its hard being a parent!

What sort of support or treatment does your son have?

Do you have other children?

There's help available here for you.

You've come to the right place.

Big hug

LP
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     I did my best. He told me I wasn’t good enough. White
micWel

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 7


« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2017, 11:40:36 AM »

Hi,
First, very brave of you to adopt your 13 year old son. By 13, a lot is set in place. I'm sure that my 28 year old son is BPD (we adopted him at 2 1/2) and some of what describe matches up with him pretty well. On the other hand, I spent almost all of my career as a middle school educator and must say that some of your son's behaviors seem to be "pure middle school." So, I probably haven't helped a whole lot to narrow anything down, sorry. Best wishes,
micwel
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7babies

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
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« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2017, 06:22:51 AM »

What I am learning is that diagnoses come fast and furious and it is hard to know who or what is " right". Treatment does have to begin though, so starting with realizing it's a problem and working on behavior is a start.
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