Idk what to do from here

[Kelela23]

Hi everyone,
Currently, my husband and I are separated. I suspect he has BOF. Sometimes he's lucid and he reminds me of the man I fell in love with. Other times Hess angry, blames everything on me (even my mosocarriage, cheated on me while pregnant, gaslights me, emotionally abuses me, and manipulates everything such that I couldn't take it anymore. He's father my two kids from a previous marriage and we have a baby together. When he's lucid he know he needs help but I don't know what to do. I'm reading walking on eggshells and I find almost everything it says relevant to my situation. Of course he's not diagnosed and when I told him about stuff from books when he was lucid he now uses it against me as if I'm doing everything. I don't know what to do. Should I just cut him out of my life or work on this? What if he does really get help. He sees therapist after therapist but is so manipulative he never takes onus. Help?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Grey Kitty]

Hello, and welcome. You've found a community of people who know what you are going through.

Just knowing that you aren't nuts, that everything he's telling you isn't true is an important step toward improving your life.

I'd suggest next steps would be working on how you deal with his abusive and manipulative behavior. With a shared child, you will probably be dealing with him for years no matter what, so learning better tools for it will help you no matter the outcome of your separation.

You say you are separated right now; what does that look like? Do you have the kids all the time, or are you dividing up custody? Are there open legal issues regarding the separation?

What sort of contact are you having with him now, and are there specific aspects you are having trouble living with and want to change/avoid?