Outing them.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

if you have honor, do you need to defend it to this person? is retaliation honorable? shed probably make the case she was defending her friend. she took it too far. you retaliated and felt badly - thats indicative of your values. live your values.

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.

wise words. good value 

[once removed]

if you have honor, do you need to defend it to this person? is retaliation honorable? shed probably make the case she was defending her friend. she took it too far. you retaliated and felt badly - thats indicative of your values. live your values.

In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.

wise words. good value 

[hurting300]

That's true... .

[JaxWest]

I wouldn't touch it. Outing them does not seem to usually help you. It only hurts you. I outed the first BPD and it made me look crazy... .I talked to police and a counselor about some weird phone calls, messages and etc I was getting. I had to hold onto receipts. Both the police and counselor said she is stalking me. I had to change my phone number. I mentioned this to people and they defended her. She is too sweet to do that. I lost contact with people, she sought out the ones that still talked to me. They shared their concerns and fears about being around her.

The 2nd one was crazy. Everybody saw that. Same thing, I talked to 2 counselors and they both agree she has stalker qualities. Even though people know she is weird, a few defend her and just say she is weird, but likely harmless. Yes, they have seen her empty stare and the weird things she has done around me, but they defend it.

[Idsrvt2]

Sadly,  This is also how I feel now.  It was not how I felt a few days ago however, or after he dumped me so coldly or after how he filed the PO on me.  I was hurt and my ego was letting me know loud and clear that it wanted me to get back at him.   I read something the other night and it hit me that If i outted him to his job that it would prove to him how horrible I was and I want him to realize one day that I never was some horrible person and I only was trying to help and got hurt in the process.    My X once sat on his steps and told me that one day I would look back and say wow he must have really suffered and ya know what he does.  Im much like you are now, I know he suffers enough, he let me go, i know he is feeling that loss and beating himself up about it and he may joke with his family im a crazy person, but when he is at home he knows.    He has no life, is a recluse and lays on a floor next to a computer, plus he supposedly was in therapy and if i outed him to his job he would loose it all.  He needs help and despite him hurting me, I cannot do that to him.   

Also, and I feel very strongly about this, they have to live with their own dark cold empty and very frightening space that is the inside of their very being. They would not choose to be this way, who would. Some function enough to recognise it and get help, some never can and so appear evil.  We inhabit their world for a period of time, live with the pain and confusion it brings, we can get OUT. I hurt for my ex partner as much as I hurt for me. If being this way and doing those things is what it takes for his survival then as deep as my grief is I understand and pity him. Ironically, that understanding and pity would enrage him but it's mine, not his, I own it and feel it. This is a terrible terrible mental illness and I pray they will find something to help it as much as I do for cancer or any other terminal illness that inflicts our society. I would not, could not out him. Sorry, this is just me.
Love from
Sadly xx

[GlitterBug]

I find that outing and saying anything related to the truth just makes you look like you're the crazy one.

So if anything, you would just be reaffirming the lie.

unless you had a lawyer saying on your behalf

I've asked myself a similar question many times; I know that I have been the subject of a smear to campaign with pretty much all mutual friends - some of the closest mutual friends stopped talking to me completely and blocked me from social media (despite them often being subject to her rage and bullying).

Just days before the big argument which finally ended our 20yr friendship/codependency, my pwBPD was really ripping into our mutual friend to me on the phone (she was her room mate) and was complaining that she doesn't pull her weight around the home, doesn't pay her way ect and that she was on the verge of kicking her out.

This is just one of the many many times she would call me to ___ about the other friend - I never said a word and just said have a quiet word and explain how you feel in a decent way.

To this day, this girl still doesn't know all the awful things that were said about her over many years and they are thick as thieves now whilst I have been left isolated.

I thought about outting the pwBPD, I have so much to say which would probably cause great damage but I figured that these people will find their own karma eventually and so I thought it best to keep my dignity and move on with my life.

[Frustratedbloke]

Well,  I took the low road. I did it. I sent screenshots of all her messages, all her dating profiles, everything, to the man that she was secretly engaged to for the whole year she was seeing me. I pointed him at this board and several other articles and told him that the cheating was the least of his worries.

She got  in touch and told me I need Jesus, I should go to church, then she told me to  check my voicemail because the police had left a message for me informing that any further emails would be  met with further  action.

In the UK, the police don't leave warning messages. It's either a crime or it isn't. You're arrested, or it's  a civil matter. They  don't do 'warning phone calls'. And also, the number had been disconnected six months previously when I moved to the Caribbean. So even if it was a crime, and they'd phoned, they'd need an international arrest warrant for exposing someone's cheating and lies with their own messages.

It was so utterly delusional that honestly it made me walk away. How can you actually mess with someone like that? They're so utterly cray cray that you can't hurt them more.

Besides, even though he might be totally sucked in, when the crazy starts then he'll start to understand and research. So I guess this might be the slowest, most toxic poison I could have given her.

Do  I feel good about it? Not really, is the honest truth.

[hurting300]

Well,  I took the low road. I did it. I sent screenshots of all her messages, all her dating profiles, everything, to the man that she was secretly engaged to for the whole year she was seeing me. I pointed him at this board and several other articles and told him that the cheating was the least of his worries.

She got  in touch and told me I need Jesus, I should go to church, then she told me to  check my voicemail because the police had left a message for me informing that any further emails would be  met with further  action.

In the UK, the police don't leave warning messages. It's either a crime or it isn't. You're arrested, or it's  a civil matter. They  don't do 'warning phone calls'. And also, the number had been disconnected six months previously when I moved to the Caribbean. So even if it was a crime, and they'd phoned, they'd need an international arrest warrant for exposing someone's cheating and lies with their own messages.

It was so utterly delusional that honestly it made me walk away. How can you actually mess with someone like that? They're so utterly cray cray that you can't hurt them more.

Besides, even though he might be totally sucked in, when the crazy starts then he'll start to understand and research. So I guess this might be the slowest, most toxic poison I could have given her.

Do  I feel good about it? Not really, is the honest truth.

I humiliated her friend that embarrassed me . I do feel bad about it but she deserves it.