BPD contacts family member

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

 Please help me. It has been NC with a BPD friend for over four years now - she was extremely manipulative, triangulation, black white, idealization, severe silent treatment and then bang did not want to be friends after 3 decades and would not pick up any of my calls, etc. fast forward 4 years... .she is trying to contact family and friends through their facebook accounts... .some of them 30 years younger than her that were not her friends... .what advise can you give? This is triggering old emotions for me, betrayal, etc. and I wish the family members would understand it is upsetting to me and not answer her - her messages to the friends are all lovely, love filled messages... .and even closing statements of "send love" (to me) "give a hug" to me! HELP! THANK YOU!

[acknowledgement]

 Please help me. It has been NC with a BPD friend for over four years now - she was extremely manipulative, triangulation, black white, idealization, severe silent treatment and then bang did not want to be friends after 3 decades and would not pick up any of my calls, etc. fast forward 4 years... .she is trying to contact family and friends through their facebook accounts... .some of them 30 years younger than her that were not her friends... .what advise can you give? This is triggering old emotions for me, betrayal, etc. and I wish the family members would understand it is upsetting to me and not answer her - her messages to the friends are all lovely, love filled messages... .and even closing statements of "send love" (to me) "give a hug" to me! HELP! THANK YOU!

[AustenJ]

I can see how this is upsetting behavior for you. It begs the question, are our exBPDs ever done with us? I have had friends on FB post on their own feeds to block a particular ex-spouse or stalker... .or crazy disordered person. I would think most friends/family would do this for you with no questions asked. You could also message your contacts on FB messenger alerting them to this toxic person.

Good luck! You got this! We are happy to help!

[acknowledgement]

THANK YOU for the answer... .as you know this is exhausting and I thought it was so far behind me... .my own sister answered the BPD! and with a loving "forever in my heart" and "I wish I could see you again" when I asked her why she would do this she said "the past is the past" and "her message was nice"... .she is aware of the betrayal and maltreatment/emotional abuse this BPD put me and my husband through... .is there something to say to my own sister to have her understand the level of toxicity... .and why would she even answer her in the first place? She said to "relax" when I told her it is all recycling, triangulation, etc. attempts to contact me, etc... .

[Skip]

I asked her why she would do this she said "the past is the past" and "her message was nice"... .she is aware of the betrayal and maltreatment/emotional abuse this BPD put me and my husband through... .

She doesn't share your hurt - it's understandable.

It's all very superficial stuff that will likely go away... .you can change your settings so that she can't peak into your Facebook posts... .

Is it really a threat? Or is it just annoyance?