Feeling sad today.

[Shedd]

Today is her birthday.  This time 2 years ago I was the happiest in love I had ever been and we were going out to the club downtown.  Now she feels so distant and I see on FB she has plans with friends on Friday to go out.  I saw her this morning at work and we actually talked a bit.  She recently quit, but came in to say goodbye to my boss who is retiring.  It felt nice to see her face to face. 

It's just sad I'm not part of her life anymore.  We talk, but not very much. I'm pretty sure she has a new gf and is just hiding it on fb.  On fb this girl that I think is interested in my ex posted to her "Happy Birthday beautiful." And I just assume they're interested in each other or dating.

The fact that they're going out on Friday and I'm not going with them is just a reminder she's my ex and I have no control over it.  I just feel lost in life right now not sure where I am going.  My life has been kind of on hold living at my parents house.  She seems to be doing a lot better than I am even with her BPD.  I wonder if she even tells people she has BPD anymore.   I wonder if I am the one who had to deal with all her bad stuff, and now she's just giving everyone else her good side. I just always feel like I have the worst of luck.  I feel like this new girl is going to be treated like gold compared to me since she's been through treatment and can deal with her stress better than when i was in a relationship with her.

It's all very sad for me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[acknowledgement]

BPD life always looks good on the outside and it a constant internal volcano. As is typical with BPDers, the "new" person will be idealized, for awhile, and then when she no longer meets the need of the BPD will be stonewalled, silenced, detached and discarded. Count yourself lucky that you got out - one day you will see it that way. Explore why you got involved in the first place, and perhaps will not repeat with another BPD - there is no calm or peaceful future with them, nor do I believe TRUE love... .except for their needs and wants.

[Shedd]

BPD life always looks good on the outside and it a constant internal volcano. As is typical with BPDers, the "new" person will be idealized, for awhile, and then when she no longer meets the need of the BPD will be stonewalled, silenced, detached and discarded. Count yourself lucky that you got out - one day you will see it that way. Explore why you got involved in the first place, and perhaps will not repeat with another BPD - there is no calm or peaceful future with them, nor do I believe TRUE love... .except for their needs and wants.

This helps so much for me, thank you. Reason i got in the relationship because she was my first relationship and I was just naive not thinking about the consequences of being with a BPD partner.  I kind of want to see this new relationship unfold as I have a feeling that it's going to happen about the same way it did for me. Thanks for that insight.  i guess I am glad to be out of the relationship now. I was such an emotional wreck in the relationship. I do feel a lot happier, but completely heartbroken for she left me with no real reason.  For the better I suppose. I'm just horrible at getting over people leaving my life.

[Herodias]

Don't feel bad... .It is truly, rinse-repeat. My ex is doing all of the things he did with me in high gear. What took us 9 years is taking them about 2. The new person is much more gullible than I was, so he seems to be getting away with more. Be glad you are out. Remember the hell you went through. I cry still at times remembering the good stuff... that part is hard to get out of our heads. Just don't for a minute think she has suddenly changed for the better.  Hope you feel better 

[acknowledgement]

Please remember this: YOU are not horrible at anything; YOU are a normal thinking feeling human. BPD are not. They take you in, with all of the intoxication, for a period of time to fill THEIR need- they deep down do NOT care, and hence, the good times are just that - good times. When your purpose is over, then you are over. Done. Poof. It is difficult for us to understand because we would never operate that way. The best thing that has happened to me from 30 plus years of a BPD friendship - (and yes, after 30 plus years she abandoned, discarded, painted black and stone walled silence treatment and would provide no final phone call, meeting, closure, etc even after repeated requests to do so... .) I CHOSE NO CONTACT and it has been the best decision - I have more focus, time and attention on friends I did not spend as much time with as the BPD was sucking me dry with drama and her need for attention and time. I realize I hung in there for all the wrong reasons - loyalty, thought I could change/fix/help her, thought I loved her, the good memories... .but I should have left 20 years or more ago... .after being NC for over 4 years, it is liberating, inspiring and I have SUCH good normal devoted regular loving no agenda no drama friends... .YOU WILL HAVE THIS TOO! make sure you analyze your own reasons for having a BPD relationship and vow never to repeat it - the red flags are blatant... .I promise with NC and dedication to yourself, and your healing you will come around and have other healthy relationships. Oh, and yes, she will definitely do this to her next victim - just tg it isnt you.