Do I tell my mom?

[Eggysquash]

Hey, everyone!

In my 29 year journey to find who I am as a person, I've found myself now working in public mental health and surrounding myself with a community of people with knowledge on BPD. I've had a handful of professionals tell me within the past couple years that my mom sounds like she has the disorder. I'm absolutely convinced she does and am also recognizing my own borderline traits due to my upbringing. I'm doing lots of work on myself!

My dilemma right now: do I tell my mom I believe she has BPD or that she needs help? Her black-and-white thinking (splitting) is intense and she admits to having a distrust of all people. She says it's too late for her to change or find people she can trust.

I appreciate any advice on surviving life with a BPD mother who is resistant to treatment!

[Turkish]

Hi Eggysquash,



It's great that you are finding answers and support in your life 

My mother admitted to me that she had BPD. Though she accepted it,  this is a hard diagnosis,  and to a large extent,  she used this (and other diagnoses) as a justification of who she was.  Knowing what you have learned,  even sans an official Dx, is more helpful to you in order to both understand the way in which she views the world,  and also to learn communication tools which can help your relationship.  Take a look at the suggested reading at the top of the board. 

It's not always clear for mental health professionals to diagnose their patients with BPD. One of my mother's therapists gave her something like a subtle, back-handed, suggestive Dx, but my mom was smart enough to pick up on it. 

Perhaps this article might help give some perspective.  Tell me what you think. 

1.05 | Telling Someone You Think They Have BPD

One of the core emotions of someone with BPD is shame.  It's hard not to trigger this without becoming the target of their defense mechanisms (anger,  projection, splitting, depression).

Turkish