Ah ha

[7885]

Hello, 

Married for 16 yrs to a BPD wife.  Felt like I could never do enough, the right thing, in the right timeframe.  Always felt she hated my character, became very depressed and withdrew from her.  She then had an affair with my best friend which she claimed was my fault.  Divorced, I walked away from a business and my home.  I know I'm a good Dad and I have my kids an average of 20 days per month (overnights most weekends, otherwise after school until bedtime) I cook for them, take them to church, play and draw with them.  No matter how much I have them I am accused of not being a good Dad.  After the divorce she is asking me for an ideas on how to handle things that come up.  When I offer up an idea she either just says "no" or criticizes my ideas.   There are always two wrong answers and she is impossible to argue with, a debate master with the ability to twist any scenario into something that points 10 finger back at me.   Sound familiar?   

[Mutt]

Hi 7885,  



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I completely understand how frustrating it is when we get blamed for everything. BPD is a persecution complex, a pwBPD believes that their circumstances are not caused by themselves, it's caused externally by others. She'll blame you or say that you're not a good dad because she's saving the kids and casting as persecutor and the kids are victims, that validates that she's a good mother to her. A pwBPD have dependency issues and rely on others to do things that an adult should really be doing themselves, if you're divorced you're not obligated, you didn't leave what types of things that she's asking of you but if it's for the kids, i'd do it for them and i'm sure that you would too.

It helps to share what you're going through with people that have walked a mile in your shoes, you're not alone.

[livednlearned]

After the divorce she is asking me for an ideas on how to handle things that come up. 

What kinds of things come up?

What are some examples of how you respond?

Maybe we can help you think of ways to get her to take responsibility for her own problems, and solve them herself.