FallenOne, this is a different form of the same question you have been asking, which is essentially "why does she seem to hate me, why cant she let it go."
youve received psychology based answers to that question. i know they are a small comfort. it is a painful, conflicting feeling, to go from being lovers, to feeling like this person is your enemy. its hard. its surreal. it is a shock to the system.
disorder based psychology aside, the two of you fought hard. its difficult (perhaps impossible in this case) to get to a place of civility given how things ended. and unfortunately it may be a greater obstacle for her than it is for you.
have you looked into Radical Acceptance? it is clear that the fallout and the restraining order are painful for you, understandably so. Radical Acceptance means that we don't necessarily like reality, but we accept the limitations on our ability to change it, and put our energy toward what we can change. you cant change her feelings (doesnt mean they will not eventually change). you cant change the circumstances now, or in the past. when we accept reality as it is, though painful, and something that many of us must grieve, we let go of the wounds that drive that desire to change what is not within our power; that drive that really prolongs our suffering, and we can move forward, productively. this doesnt happen over night, of course, but its a worthwhile direction to move toward.
more on Radical Acceptance here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0
