Introduction

[Attic]

 

Been dealing with the pain of a breakup with my ex who has BPD.

Painful and confusing and I am hurt when friends and family look at me with odd curiosity and judgement that I haven't gotten over it yet.  It's been about two months, though she had an abortion after the breakup for which I supported her.  Haven't had any contact for two weeks at this time.

It feels like there are roots of the relationship that are dug into my brain.  I have overwhelming feelings for her, both hate and love. 

I am in pain and I am sad.  Though I do surprise myself at the strength I feel through this time.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Attic, Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.  What makes you think that your Ex has BPD?  Breaking up with a pwBPD can be extremely painful, as you can attest.  My suggestion is to sit with your feelings and just observe, without the need to do anything in particular.  Suggest you allow yourself to experience your feelings and let them pass through you, like a lightning rod.  What led to a parting of ways between the two of you?  It's normal to feel sad and hurt after a b/u.  Do you have any particular questions?

LuckyJim

[g2outfitter]

Dealing with family that love me dearly has been difficult.  They just don't understand the dynamic of what I went through.  They too tell me "she was crazy, she treated you terribly, just move on", yada, yada, yada.  No matter how supportive they can be, I find myself fighting this battle completely alone.  I love my family but they have their own lives and they can't be bogged down along with me.  It's frustrating.

[Sadly]

Hi
So sorry about everything. Why don't you ask your family to read up on BPD. They will get a better perspective on what you are going through. Also look at it this way, you love your family and they love you, yes? If one of them came to you with the same problem, you would not feel bogged down would you? It's family, you all care, you are not alone, you have them and you have us, lean, no one will move out of the way.
Love from
Sadly x

[g2outfitter]

Hi
So sorry about everything. Why don't you ask your family to read up on BPD. They will get a better perspective on what you are going through. Also look at it this way, you love your family and they love you, yes? If one of them came to you with the same problem, you would not feel bogged down would you? It's family, you all care, you are not alone, you have them and you have us, lean, no one will move out of the way.
Love from
Sadly x

Thank you Sadly for your comments!  I have sent many articles to my family regarding BPD but they understandably can't truly grasp what I'm going through.  I'm not sure anyone can truly understand the effects of BPD who hasn't been intimately involved with it. I would have never understood the depths of the emotional turmoil of anyone exposed to a partner with BPD if I hadn't experienced it myself.

[Lucky Jim]

I'm not sure anyone can truly understand the effects of BPD who hasn't been intimately involved with it. I would have never understood the depths of the emotional turmoil of anyone exposed to a partner with BPD if I hadn't experienced it myself.

Well said, g2.  That's one reason why it is so isolating in a BPD r/s, because others have no frame of reference.  They try to relate, but have no idea what it's really like on the inside, because it is so far outside the realm of their experience.

LuckyJim

[Attic]

I believe my mother is a high functioning pwBPD, and I have some resentment towards her for how this impacted my well being since I was a child.  I've suffered from anxiety and depression since my early teens.   My father has never been there for me with any of my struggles.

I have a sister who I can speak with a bit, and I will reach out to her.

I have a hard time with some feelings, obsessive thoughts keep me from feeling things.  It's led me to be impulsive and unhappy.



I have guilt and sadness surrounding the split with my exBPD partner.   I would like to share this with her to move through it, though before I went NC I reached out to her to talk and it was a blistering barage tearing down me and our relationship.

What i've been feeling lately is sadness and a lot of anger.