First Post

[g2outfitter]

I fell in love with a high functioning BPD.  I need some help to detach.

We met three years ago... .same old story as everyone else here.  She put me on the highest pedestal I have ever been on.  Stunningly gorgeous, charming beyond belief, vibrant - like I said, same story different chapter.  Long story short... .after 21 months she tells me she isn't happy and wants me to leave.  I was shocked - completely out of the blue.  10 days later I am out of our home as if the SWAT team came and woke me up during the middle of the night and took me to solitary confinement to spend the rest of my life.  Like I said, she is highly functional so there was rarely if ever external rage, no self-harm and at the time I had never heard of BPD.  I had no idea what just hit me.  A few weeks later I found out about the affair and the new guy.  Again, devastated.  I went into a deep depression... .couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and my every thought was about her.  I went to counseling... .was introduced to BPD for the first time.  Again, devastated - but at least some things started making sense.

Three months later she wants me back with the guise that she made the biggest mistake of her life and never realized what she had until I was gone.  Foolishly, I went back (against the wishes of every single family member and friend that I had known)... .I loved her like no one I had ever loved before.  Her three month old daughter... .had become my daughter because I assumed the lion's share of raising her.  I am the only ":)addy" she ever knew.  Things were going even better than before because I know had a better understanding of why she did what she did and how to communicate with her.  She kept telling me how happy she was and how much she loved me.  I LOVE YOU TONS! text out of nowhere on a Tuesday, another one on Friday... .she goes on a girls weekend trip and comes back Sunday to tell me it's over, again.  Two weeks later she is flying to a Caribbean country to meet a man she only met on the internet.  As before, I was discarded with the weekly trash.

I'm hurting... .again.

[Attic]

That is brutal.  Very similar to my story.  Almost a year after our initial breakup, she told me how she had changed and how much she loved me.  We got back together, we had fun. Few months later I was discarded via txt in the morning with no discussion or any expected type of closure or conversation.  Future talks about it were met with her disdain at my having experienced any pain or hurt from the breakup.  Following that I was the one to blame for everything and it got worse from there.  These types of humans are very unhealthy to attach to.

It is very, very painful to be hurt like this, I hope you take good care of yourself and use these forums and other support to heal.  In my case I chose to completely ignore her until i'm fully healthy again and i'm open to the idea of never communicating with her again if it is in my best interest.  I find myself surprised that I have this strength.

Let yourself feel the pain and acknowledge the full scope of what happened.  I'm sure you went back with good and honest intentions.


I look at it like this.  Fish in a tank:
-The fish can exist in the tank
-*They will never end up in the ocean

... .
Borderlines are in the tank, you want yours to be in the ocean.  It is not going to happen, they just can't get there.


You will be stronger for this experience, and I encourage you to enjoy the challenge.

*Yes, there is a chance they can get to the ocean.  Though it's very unlikely, and it will be thier own journey, not yours.

[g2outfitter]

Thanks for the reply Attic.  I really appreciate what you had to say.  I’m sorry you had to have a similar experience.  It is truly brutal to be so madly in love with someone who never truly loved me at all (she even said as much as I was packing my things for the second time.)

I wanted to expand on my first post…

I met my exBPD through an online dating site in June 2014.  After a week of exchanging emails and eventually phone numbers and texts we arranged to meet in person.  Yes, it was love at first site for me but not just because I thought she looked like an angel from above, but because she was as charming and had the best personality of anyone I knew.  Within 10 minutes it felt as though I had known this woman my entire life.  She felt like home.

Soon the red flags started showing up but with me, being a co-dependent, white knight, giver of all – the more red flags the better because of course, I was going to be different than all the others and I was going to save this extremely unfortunate angel that had valiantly overcome so many obstacles in her life.  I truly admired her strength (anyone heard that before).

So let’s just list the red flags (in my defense, I had never heard of BPD) as they appeared to me.
1.   She had a three month old daughter whose father had committed suicide 13 days before we met.
2.   She had a six year old daughter in which she lost custody of during her third divorce.
3.   Eight days after we first laid eyes on one another, she tells me she loves me (21 days after her previous boyfriend, and father of her 3 yr old daughter had  just killed himself).
4.   Thirteen days after we met we became intimate and yes, it was incredible.
5.   I moved into her apartment three weeks after we met.
6.   After three months she was handing me engagement ring brochures, taking me to houses she wanted to buy together, and then took me to her bank so I could be added to her checking account (I did not ask for that).
7.   She told me SHE proposed to her second husband after dating for three months.  They got married three months later, had a child and two months after that were divorced.
8.   She took a variety of anti-depressant and anxiety medication daily (which I thought was to get her over the recent and sudden death of her last boyfriend).  The medications never stopped.
9.   After her first marriage at 19, she claimed that she was so physically abused and traumatized that she started dating women.
10.   She had been married four times previous to meeting me, once to a female.
11.   She despised her second husband (father of her older daughter)…everything was a battle when trying to make arrangements for visitation. I thought he was a nice guy after I met him.
12.   She would often times spend the entire weekend in bed – mainly when her oldest daughter would come to be with her on the weekend.  Life was too overwhelming during those times.
13.   She met her last husband after he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  She was in a legal fight with his family over the assets of his estate (I didn't know the estate wasn't settled until after we were together for a year).
14.   She kept thousands of painkiller pills that were prescribed to her terminally ill husband in her bathroom.  I made her flush them down the toilet (she is a nurse) but later found out that she had kept most of them hidden from me.
15.   Three months after the death of her terminally ill husband she conceived her second daughter with a man she had worked with.
16.   She became very jealous after a phone conversation I had with a previous female co-worker of mine – someone I had become very close friends with but never, ever intimate with.  The phone call was on speaker while I was driving and she was in the passenger seat.  Obviously I was not hiding anything.  She requested that I end any and all contact with my female friend and questioned me every day for a month on whether we had spoken.  I would never be unfaithful to anyone and never gave her any reason to believe otherwise.
17.   Her first husband was abusive, her first wife was a b*%$h, her second husband was controlling, her third terminally ill husband was perfect even though they had broken up two previous times (but his family was evil as they tried to recover all his assets that was in the six figures), her next boyfriend and father of her second child had cheated on her.
18.   She drove like a maniac.
19.   Very impulsive purchasing of high ticket items.  She would also go get pets from the pound when I was out of town (to offset her anxiety of being alone)... .then never take care of them after a few weeks.
20.   For such a young, vibrant women she was sick almost daily.  Either a stomach or headache.
21.   She was constantly adjusting her diet blaming her stomach problems on gluten.
22.   When she would rage, which was rare, it was usually always directed towards her 6 year old daughter for being too demanding (well she is 6).
23.   On our second date we go dancing…the honky-tonk we go to has a bikini contest.  She enters the contest and basically leaves me to myself for the most of the night (she got second to a 21 year old co-ed.  She beat out the other 25 other 20 something co-eds).  Again, second date.
24.   She was obsessed with her body…she had breast implants, indicated she needed a face lift (she was 37 when I met her, 40 now), needed a butt lift, nose job, said her arms sagged.  Seriously, she probably had the most flawless body I had ever seen that was not strutting down the Victoria Secret runway (although she could have easily pulled that one off).
25.   Her mother was (and still is) a life-long drug addict and her father spent most of her childhood in jail.  She was raised by her grandparents.
26.   She claimed to have been raped at 13 by a stranger at her mother’s apartment complex, raped by her first boyfriend at 14 (he was 20), and molested by her grandfather.  I have no reason to believe any of this happened except for the fact that I eventually caught her in a myriad of lies…oh the lies!
27.   She basically left the duties of raising her 3 month old daughter to me.
28.   Her resume was 10 pages long from very short stints at all her past jobs.
29.   She had no close friends.

These were just some of the things that gave me reason to be concerned but as we all know, a co-dependent like myself and a beautiful, charming BPD is a moth to a flame scenario.

I think it was worse on me because she was so high functioning.  She was never violent and showed aggression in any way towards me (except one time she hit me after what I thought was a playful horsing around session in our kitchen – it was a very hard hit that truly made my head spin. She apologized and never did it again).  I was definitely in love because I fell hook, line and sinker during the idolization stage.  She gave me attention like no other, she made me feel like I was like no other.  Of course I contributed to this belief because I treated her like a Queen constantly putting her needs above my own, so how could she not think I was like no other?  I would never abuse her, try to control her, be mean in any way, or never ever consider cheating on her like all the others.  Seriously, how lucky am I to have the most beautiful woman I have ever met be so compatible to what I like?  She loves to dance and we did it very well together, she loves to fish with me, she loves the same kind of music, the same kind of food, rides horses with me…the list went on and on.  We lived what I thought was a great life.  Sure I had to deal with her depression (but her last boyfriend committed suicide and her last husband died of cancer), and her mood swings were very extreme (but she had very painful and heavy menstrual cycles), and her diet was always a pain to deal with but nothing that a man dedicated to his SO couldn’t handle.  I was in it for life.

For 21 months I was in bliss…then she called and wanted to have lunch.  We met and halfway through I could tell she wasn’t acting right.  I asked what was wrong…she said she wasn’t happy and wanted out of the relationship.  I NEVER SAW IT COMING - my jaw was on the floor.  There was no further discussion and there was no changing her mind no matter how much I tried to convince her.  She “needed space”.

I moved out the following weekend.  A week later (she later told me) there was another man in my bed.  She had been having an "emotional" affair for two months with a co-worker of ours (we worked at a large company together – different departments).  She was laying the groundwork before she cut me loose.  At first she told me she had met someone else and it happened to be a girl…that she was dating women again.  I eventually found out the truth from my boss, who found out from another employee.  I was completely devastated and humiliated.  She had set such high standards and told me many times that cheating was the ultimate moral violation.  She always seemed to live by a different set of rules than I had to abide by.  Anyway, I was a mess.

I started going to counseling to see if I could find a solution to the deep depression that had overcome me.  It was the first time I had ever gone to counseling.  It was during my first session when my counselor first told me about BPD.  She told me that we would work on me but that she wanted me to do research on my own. 

All her actions following me moving out followed the typical push-pull behavior.  For the first couple of weeks I was gone she would text me telling me how much she missed me, while she was sleeping with the new man.  Then when I would push her about us seeing one another again she would become distant and would treat me with great disdain.  She invited me over on Father’s Day to go swimming with her, only to withdraw her invitation when the new guy showed up at the house unexpectedly.  She was stringing me along making sure I was still around in case the new guy didn’t work out.  I guess after a few weeks she concluded he was going to work out so she stopped all contact with me.  A few weeks later the new guy shows his true colors by turning the tables on her, he cheats.  She kicks him out of the house (because what moral person would EVER do that to HER) and then the courtship with me starts back.

I loved her and against what I knew I should do - and what everyone else told me not to do…I went back. My counselor said I would even though I insisted I never would - I hate that she was right.  Anyway, things again seemed great.  She gave me a card telling me how foolish she was for ever leaving me and happy she was again.  I constantly asked her if she was happy…and she always responded with a yes.  I re-dedicated my life to her and things again were going great…until the second shoe dropped.  On a Thursday night we made passionate love and she told me how much she loved me and was totally committed to me.  Saying what a wonderful man I was to forgive her for what she did and that she finally knew what unconditional love was all about.  It was something she always wanted but never received as a child from her parents, or as an adult from anyone else.  She then leaves Friday morning to go on a girls weekend trip.  She texted me Friday night telling me again how much she loved me.  Then on Saturday I didn't hear from her until late that afternoon.  Said she had been sleeping most of the day.  She then tell me she will be home on Sunday afternoon at 3:00.  She finally arrives at 8:00 pm.  We get into an argument about how she arrived 5 hours after she said she would... .even though I get the third degree if I show up anywhere 15 minutes later than I say.  Ten minutes into what I thought was a very mild argument, she looks at me again and says she isn't happy.  She wants to end it.

Two weeks later she is spending six days with a man from another country that she had only met online.  Before she left for her trip she changed the locks on our house and I couldn’t get my things out while she was gone (I had temporarily moved out and made plans to move while she was gone).  I haven't seen her now for three weeks and haven't communicated in 5 days.  I will never get my questions answered except to know that I got caught up in the BPD storm.

I have read thousands of articles on BPD and have come to grips with my fate.  I brought a lot of it onto myself because of my co-dependency.  Nonetheless, it really stings.  In the end she told me that she loved me like no one she had ever met, but that she was not “in love” with me – and probably never was.  She said she was no longer attracted to me physically and that I never satisfied her in bed.  I guess she needed to pulverize my nuts on the way out.  I treated her like a Queen, I treated her daughter as I had my own and raised her as such.  Her family loved me and told me that I was by far the best thing that had ever happened to her.  Her own sister told me that she wasn’t worth it and that I needed to run as far away as possible. 

Even with all the research and understanding I now have about BPD, it still stings and I still find myself asking the question…”what if I would have just done____”.  “What if I had tried harder”…even though I know there was nothing else I could have done.  I really hate feeling this way…missing someone that was not good for me, that didn’t ever appreciate me or appreciate what I did for her and her daughter.  I gave her everything I had to give and it was never enough... .it would have never been enough.  I was the longest relationship she had ever been in.  I just thought I would be different.  I thought wrong.

Life stinks right now.

Thanks for reading…it really is therapeutic.

[g2outfitter]

Attic... .how many times during the year you were apart from your exBPD did she contact you? You said that almost after a year she got back in touch with you... .did she contact you anytime before that?

[Attic]

Thank you for writing out your experience.  Makes me feel in good company   

She would get in touch every couple weeks to check in on me.  I was not over her, so this made me sad and hurt.


When I got in a new relationship, she actually came after me in a strong manner.  I broke it off that relationship to be back with her.


Honestly, I saw red flags from our second date.  I made a conscious decision to absorb her faults and be patient and understanding and completely accepting of her.  None of this has ever been reciprocated.  I mean she spoke a good game, but her actions were a different story.


I know how bad it hurts, and I imagine you may hurt deeper than me.


Sometimes I cry, sometimes I hate.

I have noticed that for me, when I hurt really bad missing her company, that I get obsessive thoughts that try to sheild me from hurting.  The thoughts are typically a fantasy of how she would understand if we spoke more.

It is counter productive for me.  I have to simply hurt with her absence and let it be.


The obsessive thinking for me after these breakups is the most challenging part for me.  I'd encourage yourself to really let go of her and let yourself hurt and feel that pain.

[g2outfitter]

Thank you for writing out your experience.  Makes me feel in good company   

She would get in touch every couple weeks to check in on me.  I was not over her, so this made me sad and hurt.


When I got in a new relationship, she actually came after me in a strong manner.  I broke it off that relationship to be back with her.


Honestly, I saw red flags from our second date.  I made a conscious decision to absorb her faults and be patient and understanding and completely accepting of her.  None of this has ever been reciprocated.  I mean she spoke a good game, but her actions were a different story.


I know how bad it hurts, and I imagine you may hurt deeper than me.


Sometimes I cry, sometimes I hate.

I have noticed that for me, when I hurt really bad missing her company, that I get obsessive thoughts that try to sheild me from hurting.  The thoughts are typically a fantasy of how she would understand if we spoke more.

It is counter productive for me.  I have to simply hurt with her absence and let it be.


The obsessive thinking for me after these breakups is the most challenging part for me.  I'd encourage yourself to really let go of her and let yourself hurt and feel that pain.

The emotions you are feeling are so similar to what I felt (and still somewhat do) for a long time.  I too had convinced myself that if we could just communicate better or more that we could make it work.  I always thought no matter what, we could make it work.  That actually scared her... .that I would never give up on us.  I came to realize that was a fantasy - because like you said, she could never walk the talk.  The obsessive thinking is my biggest demon as well.  It has a very adverse affect on everything I do... .my job, my hobbies, etc., and that scares me.  I pray in time that will ease.

As much as I hated going through it the second breakup almost seemed necessary for me.  After the first one hit me so unexpectedly I just thought it was a temporary phase she went through... .everyone makes a mistake.  The second time is when I realized that it's truly a pattern that she can't control.  I was no different than the others.  This time is easier for me so I don't think I'm hurting any more than you (although the first time was almost unbearable).  The first time I could not sleep, could not eat, my hair started falling out, I cried every day for three months.  I'm not experiencing any of that this time because I no longer blame myself.  Nonetheless, I do allow myself to feel this pain because I had to let go.

I miss her dearly because in a way, she was my best friend.  I miss her daughter because I raised her as I did my own children and to her, I was definitely her ":)addy".  I miss hearing... .":)addy... .I love You!", that's what is heartbreaking to me.  I wish I would have never fell in love with her because she is someone that I could have been a friend with... .albeit not a close friend (she isn't capable) but someone I could go out with now and again to see a movie or go dancing.  We enjoyed each other's company and we made each other laugh a lot.  She just couldn't handle a stable, normal life... .it was too boring for her.

I just want to get to the point that I don't cry, or hate.  I just want to feel indifferent towards her.  That's my goal.

[Attic]

   Many similarities.  Silly!

I fell in love with her children right away too!


You know that feeling you got when you were with her?  Where it just seems right, and you smile?  That is a part of you, a very good thing.

I've realized that I still have that, even though we are not together.  I think it's great, that I am aware of that feeling and that having it awakened, it stays there.

No contact has really helped for me with the mental health.


I dated a pwBPD when I was in my early 20's, and following that breakup I nearly fell off a ladder to my death.  The thoughts and feelings were so intrusive, tugging, heavy on me that I couldn't focus well for months.

Much love your way.

[alwayswrong4]

No offense to the gentleman in this post but do you ever ask yourself before getting involved with single mothers if the reason they are single mothers is because of selfishness or bad decisions... aren't those red flags. Why would you open yourself up to being so willfully cucked by a woman focused on self destruction. Did you really think that a woman who left the father of their child would treat someone they have no kids with better? wouldn't you think that a good person would exhaust every effort to make it work with the father of their child and if they didnt then it just proves how selfish they are. Even if the father was a psycho, bad decisions including choosing men to reproduce with is deal breaker for me.

[Huh?]

Your story makes me wonder; what did pwBPD do before the Internet and social media?  I guess probabaly the same thing, but on a smaller scale.

It seems like the Internet and social media are like a buffet for pwBPD... .never ending supply.

[Huh?]

No offense to the gentleman in this post but do you ever ask yourself before getting involved with single mothers if the reason they are single mothers is because of selfishness or bad decisions... aren't those red flags. Why would you open yourself up to being so willfully cucked by a woman focused on self destruction. Did you really think that a woman who left the father of their child would treat someone they have no kids with better? wouldn't you think that a good person would exhaust every effort to make it work with the father of their child and if they didnt then it just proves how selfish they are. Even if the father was a psycho, bad decisions including choosing men to reproduce with is deal breaker for me.

Sometimes, you have to learn the hard way.

I personally, have never dated a single mom, or a divorced woman for that matter... .for the reasons you have stated above.  Just not for me.

But as far as red flags... .and my God, in this case written there were a lot of them... .sometimes you have to learn the hard way.   I know I have.  Hopefully the OP has learned from this experience and realizes to RUN the next time those red flags pop up because if not, this is where he'll end up again.

I know it took me dating three disordered women in a row, beating my head against the wall, to finally learn my lesson... .to realize I'm done... .I'm doing my own thing moving forward.  I don't have the energy to deal with the constant chaos that is running rampant in modern dating... .social media, the internet with its limitless options for the disordered attention seeker;  it's a losing battle.

OP, don't be like me.  Learn your lesson from this experience. Grieve, heal, and move forward putting yourself first.  She'll probably be back... .be strong enough to walk away... .put yourself first.  You can't rescue someone who is constantly throwing themselves overboard, looking (online) for their next victim to drag down with them. 

Best of luck!

[redriver]

Dude,

You are preaching to the choir. I’m a year out form a quite borderline ex-girlfriend, I’ve spent so much time thinking how I could be happy with her, only if she would give me that chance. She moved on form me almost the same as yours. One day everything was great, the next day “II don’t think we should be together” She left out the Tinder and POF accounts she had set up a week or so before. Since that day I have watched her meet a new guy “I love at first site” Move in with him by week two or three. Sex would have been on the first date that was how she is. Told me she was going to marry him. I found out during that time she was not taking any birth control and she was marking her calendar to when she was ovulating. Six months into her new guy, she has just told everyone that they are expecting,  but it was not planned.

So much time has been spent on what I could have done what I should have done. I have lived in fear of everything because I have such doubt in everything thing I have ever done. I have been spending almost all my time trying to figure out “what happened”, if I could just figure out what snapped then I could somehow fix it. I just and I men just today realized I’m trying to find a rational answer form an ill rational person. I can feel your pain. Lots of what your said about your echoes in mine. I know the pain, I still have it. Just keep talking, just keep going.

If you need private message start a dialog. DO what you need. We are all here because we know what it’s like.

[g2outfitter]

No offense to the gentleman in this post but do you ever ask yourself before getting involved with single mothers if the reason they are single mothers is because of selfishness or bad decisions... aren't those red flags. Why would you open yourself up to being so willfully cucked by a woman focused on self destruction. Did you really think that a woman who left the father of their child would treat someone they have no kids with better? wouldn't you think that a good person would exhaust every effort to make it work with the father of their child and if they didnt then it just proves how selfish they are. Even if the father was a psycho, bad decisions including choosing men to reproduce with is deal breaker for me.

No offense taken (I've learned after being with a pwBPD not to take offense to anything anyone says, ).

You make some good points - but you also make some generalizations.  I know many women who exhausted every effort to make it work with the father of their children but it just didn't work.  And they are still very good people.  My co-worker's late husband committed suicide and left her with two children to care for.  She is a wonderful lady and was not being selfish by any means to create that situation. I believe all relationships have certain dynamics that are specific and it does an injustice to pass judgment on all women because of the actions of a few.

I guess it's pretty easy to read my story and wonder "WTH were you thinking?"... .I ask myself that same question, many times.  

When I met my exBPD her last boyfriend had just committed suicide.  I had no idea the particulars of that situation or why he took his life (I didn't find out the truth until much later).  At that time, I sure wasn't looking to point the blame at my exBPD for being self-destructive, selfish or making a bad decision - I truly believe she had no indication that he was suicidal.  My initial reaction was empathy for the newborn child and the newly single mother.

I also had never heard of BPD.

Looking back, there were many red flags that I chose to ignore and I have no one but myself to blame.  There were many times in which my gut was telling me that things just weren't right but I refused to leave.  Unfortunately the more I discovered as time went on, the more I thought I could make a difference for the better - ride in with my suit of armor on my big white horse and save this poor damsel from the troubles that has been inflicted upon her during her entire life.  Little did I know that the majority of those troubles were self-inflicted.  I also learned that it isn't my responsibility to fix other people's problems, especially if they don't want to fix their own problems.

I learned a lot about myself during this experience and have come away with some valuable lessons.  For that I am grateful.  I also learned how dangerous it can be to blindly trust people... .I'm also grateful for that.  I wish those were lessons I did not have to learn but unfortunately they were.

[Attic]

Day by day.  And be easy on yourself!


Haha, after I wrote my last post I got hit with waves of hurt a short time after.  I was really surprised by this.


What I'm realizing in my recovery is that there are some issues in me that I need to address.  I asked myself why did I do this to myself again?, why do I keep choosing these women?  

Yes, caretaker mentality, but also in my case low self worth.


You can try writing a letter or speaking into a recorder to this woman about your feelings and state of mind, and then deleting.

[g2outfitter]

Sometimes, you have to learn the hard way.

I personally, have never dated a single mom, or a divorced woman for that matter... .for the reasons you have stated above.  Just not for me.

But as far as red flags... .and my God, in this case written there were a lot of them... .sometimes you have to learn the hard way.   I know I have.  Hopefully the OP has learned from this experience and realizes to RUN the next time those red flags pop up because if not, this is where he'll end up again.

I know it took me dating three disordered women in a row, beating my head against the wall, to finally learn my lesson... .to realize I'm done... .I'm doing my own thing moving forward.  I don't have the energy to deal with the constant chaos that is running rampant in modern dating... .social media, the internet with its limitless options for the disordered attention seeker;  it's a losing battle.


OP, don't be like me.  Learn your lesson from this experience. Grieve, heal, and move forward putting yourself first.  She'll probably be back... .be strong enough to walk away... .put yourself first.  You can't rescue someone who is constantly throwing themselves overboard, looking (online) for their next victim to drag down with them. 

Best of luck!

Thanks Huh? for the comment... .I appreciate it. 

I have learned a lot from this experience, a lot about pwBPD but more importantly why I was attracted to that, and why I stayed for so long.  I have never been more determined than anything to never repeat my mistakes.  After a while I viewed her as being mentally unstable and instead of running, I wanted to help (I have an autistic son so that attributes to my empathy for all persons suffering from afflictions).  I was wrong because ultimately I ended up sacrificing my own happiness for hers. I have grieved, I am healing and I will move forward... .and yes, I will put myself first for a change.  I don't anticipate I will ever hear from her again but if she does I will definitely be strong enough to stay away.  It's nothing but toxic for me.  I know if she contacts me again it won't be for my benefit.

Thanks again for your comments and for the best of luck wishes!