Multiple people in your x

[statsattack]

Has anyone ever saw a few different people inside of their x body

[vortex of confusion]

What do you mean by this?

Are you asking about multiple personalities or something more simple like acting differently in different situations?

If it is the latter, ex was really good about acting like the doting father and husband when others were around. Once everyone would leave, he would go back to acting like a teenage boy and bury himself in his computer games and get huffy if interrupted. There were definitely times when it seemed like he would change his personality based on the situation.

[Idsrvt2]

Yes my x had three diffeeent personalities and even names for each of them.

[UnforgivenII]

Uhm. No. Mine was just a very good actor. He lied. He had this public persona of the left wing human rights fighter.
Then he was the one laughing in front of my pain and enjoying it.

These were his two personalities.

[marti644]

My ex has two distinct personalities, with two different names, identities,  and character traits. Really sad coping mechanisms for survival. Poor girl.

[earlyL]

A mutual friend recently said to me that my ex had the vulnerable side and the strategic side. Strategic and selfish have come up a lot when talking to other people about her. I feel sad that is how she is portrayed, I am not sure if she would even understand why people see her like that.

[Larmoyant]

I noticed this too. My ex seemed to have a few different ‘personas’. I came across Schema Modes (look up Schema Therapy for BPD) which helped explain this. I recognised a number of these modes in him, including the 'angry child', times when he became enraged,  the 'vulnerable child', times where he appeared needy and lost, the ‘detached protector’ mode where he became withdrawn and emotionally distant, and the ‘punitive parent’ where he’d blame or be abusive. This information really helped me understand what was going on.

[Dutched]

What you see is most likely a switch into several modes.

The healthy adult

The detached protector
The punitive parent
The abused child
The angry / impulsive child

Can’t find the topic on the Board, however this link for Youtube explains it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6owMR1hSY

[Pretty Woman]

Mine would take on a different personality if we were around specific people from her past. I had chalked it up to "mirroring". These were usually people she had dated previously or close family members. She would almost take on their speech patterns and mannerisms. It was subtle at first but if we were with these people for any period of time they would become more pronounced.

The funny thing is some of these people she left me for during our relationship. I think the mirroring should have been a  but I didn't know as much about the disorder at that time.

[Sadly]

I wonder how much of a person is simply fabricated by others. None of us see a person in the exact same way. We bring ourselves into the equation. So an individual is never really an individual?

Sadly

[Idsrvt2]

I'm so thankful I found this site... I did not think that my x fit into the narcassist bucket although he did call me one.

Mine said he was transgender, he even was the female persona for years   Totally came out , took the hormones etc.  then he said towards the end he became self deprecating because of all the drama around him.

He often said he wished I met him six years ago before he became so reclusive.  He is trying to buy land and just live alone and hunt because his family does not fully accept him as female... .ironically the one person that doesn't is a cop and was in court at one of the protection order hearings.   

When he was what he calls his female persona we would have a lot of fun, he supposedly said when he was her he was always like that... .and he hates, hates the male persona as that is the nasty one.

One time he dumped me and said she is dead... .meaning the female.

It sux they cut me off the way they did and sux that I pushed them when I just could not take it any longer... I'm under extreme stress in my own life... .and threatened to report them to their work... .I wish I had answered their call the day before they filed the PO on me... , then again I wish a lot. 

[statsattack]

I noticed this too. My ex seemed to have a few different ‘personas’. I came across Schema Modes (look up Schema Therapy for BPD) which helped explain this. I recognised a number of these modes in him, including the 'angry child', times when he became enraged,  the 'vulnerable child', times where he appeared needy and lost, the ‘detached protector’ mode where he became withdrawn and emotionally distant, and the ‘punitive parent’ where he’d blame or be abusive. This information really helped me understand what was going on.

This is similar to mine

[statsattack]

So with mine she told me she had PTSD and would act scared around me after she told me and I told her we are going to get through this together.

One night I was out at a bar with her and she wasn't acting like her scared self. Within a few hour period I saw her talking to a guy which led me to having a flashback of her getting raped , then after the flash back it wasn't her scared self it was this evil person/ a lying politician. It freaked the crap out of me when I saw two diffrent people in one night that I've never seen before.

[Larmoyant]

It freaked the crap out of me when I saw two diffrent people in one night that I've never seen before.

Hi Stats, I think what you were seeing was her shifting affective state. The modes represent alternating states of thinking, feeling and behaviour which makes it seem as if you are dealing with different people. It helps explain the Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde we hear so much of around here.

[stimpy]

Hi Stats, I think what you were seeing was her shifting affective state. The modes represent alternating states of thinking, feeling and behaviour which makes it seem as if you are dealing with different people. It helps explain the Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde we hear so much of around here.

And it helps explain why it is so anxiety inducing for us. I was never quite sure who I was going to deal with, the warm gentle kind fun person, the distant "not sure of our future" person, the lost lonely child person or the vindictive hurtful abusive person.  Looking back, it is an impossible situation, and the lack of predictability (which she knew about herself) makes it very hard for us to know quite what the hec is going on or what is waiting for us just around the corner.

[In a bad way]

And it helps explain why it is so anxiety inducing for us. I was never quite sure who I was going to deal with, the warm gentle kind fun person, the distant "not sure of our future" person, the lost lonely child person or the vindictive hurtful abusive person.  Looking back, it is an impossible situation, and the lack of predictability (which she knew about herself) makes it very hard for us to know quite what the hec is going on or what is waiting for us just around the corner.

All of the above, but she could go through all that in the space of an hour.
The worst was going from laughter to "what the f** are you doing in my house?  Get your shoes on and f**off out" like a switch and gone in a split second.
Mind blowing to say the least.
Then after she had had a sleep, could be an hour or the next morning she's texting asking where I've gone. She couldn't remember any of it and when told she'd say things like I don't know why I do it I don't remember and you will have to help me stop doing it.
Definitely some DID personality in there, that's what lead me hear, my research into split personality. One person to another in a second without warning and for no reason.

[Idsrvt2]

I can so relate to this.
The x would do this, but mostly when I would go to his house after he tried to end things, because I knew he really didn't want to and I really at the time was trying so hard to be there for him.
He would let me in the house and usually massage my neck or cuddle with me and give me closure to the breakup . Closure was him trying to explain why he felt he should be alone and not with anyone and just live in his room.
So then he would turn into anxious scared child... rubbing his arms and pacing and the last time I was there he said look you really have to leave now , I know I can't pick u up and grab you out of here and I don't want to call the police,
This argument we had was about him telling his mom that he would see her Monday so we could hang out that Sunday.
So I left there shaken up but he said odds are he would sleep on it n wake up next day feeling different and that's what happened and we had a great day out.

He knows he has a personality disorder and was getting help, and often said it's not fair to you that you don't know which me you will get  and I can't face hurting you again, what if I just breakup with you and do this all again.

Well cycle repeated and he did and thus here I am with a protection order that in a healthy ending one wouldn't need.   I know if I did not have it we would be back again together. 
I thought maybe he had bipolar or was a narc , until I googled and found this site.  My life is such now that I have so much stress I always reacted to him, but if I had known , well maybe things would have been different.   My one regret is not answering that phone when he called and reached out to me

I'm stunned he is staying in control and so far obeying the order, he most likely is on lexapro which gives him no emotions... .that's also scary to see.   

It's also scary how so many here have stories so similar... .all I keep doing is posting trying to get it all out. I miss him and that scares me.

All of the above, but she could go through all that in the space of an hour.
The worst was going from laughter to "what the f** are you doing in my house?  Get your shoes on and f**off out" like a switch and gone in a split second.
Mind blowing to say the least.
Then after she had had a sleep, could be an hour or the next morning she's texting asking where I've gone. She couldn't remember any of it and when told she'd say things like I don't know why I do it I don't remember and you will have to help me stop doing it.
Definitely some DID personality in there, that's what lead me hear, my research into split personality. One person to another in a second without warning and for no reason.

[statsattack]

Hi Stats, I think what you were seeing was her shifting affective state. The modes represent alternating states of thinking, feeling and behaviour which makes it seem as if you are dealing with different people. It helps explain the Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde we hear so much of around here.

How do I find out about BPD states

[statsattack]

Do they know they do this

[Larmoyant]

How do I find out about BPD states

Hi Stats, try this link:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=302771.0

[Larmoyant]

Do they know they do this

I can only speak from my experience with my ex, but I believe he was aware of his shifting moods/emotions at times. This 'awareness' only happened a few times, when he became enraged and lashed out at me, then seemed to get himself together and apologised. Not many times mind you, most of the time he was crazy mad and there was no controlling the rage. It seemed to come out of nowhere. A totally different 'persona' to the loving, funny person who was present maybe 5 minutes prior. The concept of Modes helps me understand now.

Schema Therapy aims to help pwBPD identify and change their dysfunctional schemas and modes. It’s not just pwBPD that operate within different modes though, we all have different aspects of the self that are active at different times. It’s just that theirs seem to be extreme mood states.