Before you walk into my life

[Sadly]

Once a year or so ago when he was struggling my ex gave me a copy of a quote he had found. He didn't do emotion too well or self examination, I don't think he dared to so I was very surprised. This is the nearest he has ever come to honesty about himself. I will write it out below. The scored line are the ones he crossed out as not applicable. It breaks my heart that he had to cut this out and give it to me, he was trying to make an effort to explain himself.

BEFORE YOU WALK INTO MY LIFE... .
you need to know something about me. You need to know that I am a very insecure person, I have a very low self esteem, I'm not perfect, I am everything but perfect. I find it hard to trust people now, I've made mistakes in the past and I've learnt to live with them, I've learned to accept people for who they really are, its not hard Sometimes I cant be bothered anymore, sometimes i don't even want to be alive, but, the thing is I have a million reasons to be alive and I just haven't found them yet. I miss the people I shouldn't even be thinking about anymore. I've liked I've loved and I have been hurt. I have hurt people. I am not perfect, but hey, this is me. And before you walk into my life you need to know these things. Because, if you walk into my life, you cant walk out of my life when things are getting hard, just like all the other people did.

And I did, I walked out of his life.

[UnforgivenII]

No. He made you walk out. it is completely different.

They force us to choose between us and them. It is not a choice that should ever be made. Noone should ask for it.
If we choose them they go away.
If we choose us we abandoned them.
It is a no win situation.

[Sadly]

I know sweetheart, I'm just unbearably sad.
Love from
Sadly x

[UnforgivenII]

Me too

I am figuring out a way to make a field of flowers grow from this mountain of BLEEP.
You should try too.
You write so well. Write, Sadly. Write a book to help other people out there

[vortex of confusion]

" Because, if you walk into my life, you cant walk out of my life when things are getting hard, just like all the other people did."

What reason did you have to stay in his life?

When I read the above statement, the first thing that came to mind was manipulation. Pure and simple. That is a passive aggressive statement that is meant to invoke pity and some kind of reassurance that you will always be there. It is a trap.

I may be putting my own spin on things here. If he had left off the last few sentences or stated them a bit differently, then yes, he was attempting to explain himself. When you look at those last few lines, that isn't an explanation. That is a manipulation.

Yes, you walked out of his life. There are no guarantees in life. I think most adults understand that unexpected stuff happens. People have limits. Recognizing your limits and honoring them isn't a bad thing.

I am editing to add that some of my sadness eased up when I was able to see more of the manipulation and passive/aggressive stuff. Sure, I was feeling sad. He was saying stuff that would pull on anybody's heart strings. When I was able to see some of his behavior for what it was, I was less sad and more mad.

[Sadly]

I know you are, I feel your pain.   I will try but right now not sure I could fill an egg cup with a daisy  . I hope we both make a flower meadow one day. Thank you for your words, I love to write but I am too emotional to write the type of book people need here. I have written several poems on previous posts about BPD but they are all sad. Funny, I have noticed there is no sad emoji on the bar, that's cos we are supposed to be positive I reckon. Well sometimes it isn't possible is it. Never mind, this will pass for us. I read the post about your date, sometimes people take longer than others, it's good you tried and the day will come when you will be ready. Meanwhile, we have our cats, well, I have one and she is lovely, every night she curls up into me to sleep. It's comfort.
Love from
Sadly x

[Sadly]

Hi Vortex, I hear you, but this wasn't something that he has written. This is an established quote that he found but the nearest thing he could give me to explain himself as best he could.

[Duped 1]

Interesting that he actually admits to fault. I don't think mine ever would.

[g2outfitter]

My exBPD has ended every single relationship she was in but voiced her concern many times of being abandoned. She felt abondoned by her parents. In time she 100% knew I was completely dedicated to her. I forgave her cheating and loved her as unconditiinaly as I did my own children. I wanted more than anything to show her a level of love and commitment that had never been presented to her. Our relationship lasted 3 years... .2 years longer than any other relationship she had ever been in.

Then she left me again.

I feel the constant fear of abondonment was just another tool used against my own love for her.

It's sad, for all involved.

[patientandclear]

For what it's worth, it became clear at a certain point that my ex wBPD appreciated that (he felt) I accepted him unconditionally and would not leave him no matter what. It became the glue btwn us. At some point when I first got up to and found a boundary--where what was happening did not work for me--he could tell I was uncomfortable and he made a comment like "oh, I see there is a line." He had thought there was none, that I would stay no matter what.

The relevant part for you, Sadly: before that point, when he thought I had no line ... .Bad things happened. I loved him as he was and I accepted his idiosyncrasies, and he doubled down on leaving me and taking me/us for granted. So I ran the not-leaving experiment (as I assume you did too). How did that go for us? A relationship you would never leave under any circumstances is a sick relationship by definition. The not-ever-leaving plan encouraged and facilitated some rotten decisions and behavior. You already tried it.

[g2outfitter]

A relationship you would never leave under any circumstances is a sick relationship by definition. The not-ever-leaving plan encouraged and facilitated some rotten decisions and behavior.

So true.  That kind of love and dedication when it is only valued by one... .is a recipe for failure.