She's In Therapy...

[Depression = 72% of members]

In spite of me causing a major incident this Friday my wife went to an in-patient partial hospital therapy on Friday.  She's there for four days and then home for two.  Initially they took her phone, but now let her have it before meals and for an hour in the evening.

I know few details about all this other than knowing where the hospital is... .so I have no idea if it's CBT/DBT or which approach.

The interesting thing for me has been how much she is relying on me now.  It feels good for her to "need" me.  She initiates all contact either through a phone call or message.  Tells me about her day, the therapy sessions (not details)... .and how much she wants to come home.

Apparently yesterday they had to sedate her... .she said that during her afternoon session she had an emotional outburst that led to her getting a shot... .and her doctor said it was both typical and about time this outburst happened.

One thing I would like is to be able to talk to someone familiar with her therapy to tell me what to expect and how to react.  When my ex-wife was hospitalized I was able to do this... .in fact I got a call from her counselor first asking me to allow my ex to come home (she did a disappearing act after an argument and went to NYC for three weeks), then explaining the therapy my wife would undergo and how I could best ease her transition home. 

One of my wife's big issues is that I don't trust her (and I do over-react sometimes).  I really want to know how best to help my wife when she's home, but don't want my wife to think I'm "checking up" on her.  I didn't even know the name of her counselor until Friday. 

I know I need to keep things calm when she's here, be supportive, not ask a lot of questions about what's going on... .any other suggestions?

[daverisk]

In spite of me causing a major incident this Friday my wife went to an in-patient partial hospital therapy on Friday.  She's there for four days and then home for two.  Initially they took her phone, but now let her have it before meals and for an hour in the evening.

I know few details about all this other than knowing where the hospital is... .so I have no idea if it's CBT/DBT or which approach.

The interesting thing for me has been how much she is relying on me now.  It feels good for her to "need" me.  She initiates all contact either through a phone call or message.  Tells me about her day, the therapy sessions (not details)... .and how much she wants to come home.

Apparently yesterday they had to sedate her... .she said that during her afternoon session she had an emotional outburst that led to her getting a shot... .and her doctor said it was both typical and about time this outburst happened.

One thing I would like is to be able to talk to someone familiar with her therapy to tell me what to expect and how to react.  When my ex-wife was hospitalized I was able to do this... .in fact I got a call from her counselor first asking me to allow my ex to come home (she did a disappearing act after an argument and went to NYC for three weeks), then explaining the therapy my wife would undergo and how I could best ease her transition home. 

One of my wife's big issues is that I don't trust her (and I do over-react sometimes).  I really want to know how best to help my wife when she's home, but don't want my wife to think I'm "checking up" on her.  I didn't even know the name of her counselor until Friday. 

I know I need to keep things calm when she's here, be supportive, not ask a lot of questions about what's going on... .any other suggestions?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[heartandwhole]

Hi daverisk,

I know I need to keep things calm when she's here, be supportive, not ask a lot of questions about what's going on... .any other suggestions?

This sounds like a good plan to me.  You might wait for her to initiate the conversations about her treatment, and then really listen with empathy. Letting her know that you are here for her, without trying to solve her problems (she is responsible for engaging in her treatment).

I know it's easier said than done! Let us know how things are going.

heartandwhole

[daverisk]

Heart,

This is essentially what I've done, any conversations about things that have happened, or her treatment, have been initiated by her.  Thus far we've been able to keep things pretty calm.

I have started to realize how much stress I've added to her life with my "sniffing around" (her term).  While it would be easy for me to say I wouldn't do that if she didn't give me reason, it's not right for me to do it regardless.  She does have a personality disorder, but I have truly upped her stress by my own behavior... .and it feeds on itself in a vicious cycle.

She volunteered information about some things I suspected, and a few things I didn't know... .admits to an emotional affair with the cousin, but not a sexual one... .at this point... .as long as she is addressing the problem... .I think it doesn't matter.