Suspected charming/stalking by Proxy - How to continue detachment

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

its really about a set of entrenched poor methods of coping. thats what youre observing and dealing with.

radical acceptance is a great tool not only as you learn about BPD, but i find it very freeing to have learned to let go of things i have no control over (and focus on what you do have control over): https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0

Very well put - I think the whole r/s was one of "entrenched poor methods of coping" which is why we ended up where we did. I suppose its a bit silly for me to expect that to have changed in the aftermath.

I have done some reading about radical acceptance before, I think part of my problem has been (for everything rather than this) is that I try to solve problems rather than accept them, even when I cannot fix them.

My ex is a problem I can't fix so I spend too much time ruminating/analyzing to make up for it. It's a bad habit.

impossible for any of us to know what impact therapy is having on her, but important to know that a lot of DBT is centered around emotional regulation skills and tools.

Does this mean that it won't be helping with the "coping methods" part of the problem? She told me she cannot regulate her emotions and is extremely "emotionally vulnerable" so I suspect DBT focuses on these aspects.

[getfree]

its really about a set of entrenched poor methods of coping. thats what youre observing and dealing with.

radical acceptance is a great tool not only as you learn about BPD, but i find it very freeing to have learned to let go of things i have no control over (and focus on what you do have control over): https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0

Very well put - I think the whole r/s was one of "entrenched poor methods of coping" which is why we ended up where we did. I suppose its a bit silly for me to expect that to have changed in the aftermath.

I have done some reading about radical acceptance before, I think part of my problem has been (for everything rather than this) is that I try to solve problems rather than accept them, even when I cannot fix them.

My ex is a problem I can't fix so I spend too much time ruminating/analyzing to make up for it. It's a bad habit.

impossible for any of us to know what impact therapy is having on her, but important to know that a lot of DBT is centered around emotional regulation skills and tools.

Does this mean that it won't be helping with the "coping methods" part of the problem? She told me she cannot regulate her emotions and is extremely "emotionally vulnerable" so I suspect DBT focuses on these aspects.

[once removed]

we teach DBT skills here like Wisemind, Radical Acceptance, etc. i would certainly argue that the practice/mastery of those skills leads to greater self awareness. we all have blinders, and can make ourselves victims, and a personality disorder is a unique obstacle to self awareness.

radical acceptance, like any of these skills, takes practice. i would bet there have been difficulties in your life that you have had an easier time accepting than others - it helped me to try and draw from that. we can change bad habits and we should; we tend to have our own entrenched methods of coping.

id be frustrated, too. her beliefs are harmless to you. its the actions and what you can and cant do about them that are in your control.

[getfree]

id be frustrated, too. her beliefs are harmless to you. its the actions and what you can and cant do about them that are in your control.

This is true. I know what happened and have greater insight than before (thanks to this forum to a large extent) as to why it happened.

I have to now accept reality for what it is and pay attention, as you say, to the things that I can control. The final step for me to take is to become indifferent to it all and get on with my life