Does it getter better?

[Hamlet22]

I've been married for 21 years and have two lovely daughters 14 and 16yrs. I suspect that my husband suffers either PBD/ NPD or maybe undiagnosed Aspergers.

Recently I have felt quite depressed about our relationship as I hate what seems like a relationship with two totally different people. A few years ago I discovered to my horror that my husband was addicted to porn and also paid for sex. He has promised that this is not continuing. I have 'forgiven him but I can't forget and so our intimacy is almost nonexistent.

I want to know if there is hope. My husband has been wriggling out of getting help for several years (apart from some half hearted CBT) as he finds blame and taking responsibility virtually impossible. Now he has started to see a psychologist but won't really tell me much about it. Please, from your various experiences, is there hope for recovery or should I leave now. I don't feel I can carry him for much longer - especially when we get periods when he's nasty to me, the children and others who slightly rattle his cage.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us. We help and support each other here. From what you have said I think you belong here; you will fit in; your situation is like a lot of the  other members.

As trite as this sounds, the short answer to your question is that as long as at least one of you has hope, yes there is still hope.

There are communication skills that will minimize the behavior of someone with BPD and these have proven successful for some of the members here. My relationships have changed because of learning to communicate in a healthier manner. Stopping argument before they begin or escalate to the point where things are uncontrollable has been one of the greatest assets that I've gained here.

What do you think is the right direction for you, and the best kind of help you hope to get here?

I know your life is difficult now, but knowledge will help you make the right decisions. Please read the articles and workshops - they will give you some good skills at communicating. I look forward to reading more about your situation when you're comfortable writing about it.