I could easily just break the protection order

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I just can't stand this much longer.  No closure... .I regret not answering the phone when he called me five times two days prior to taking out the PO on me .  He texted he wasn't going to and then did, texted asking what he could do.

I wish I had said meet me in person and properly end this the right way.

I said a lot of mean things to him after he coldly broke up with me on the phone... .all because I texted I wanted a break because it seemed like I was always dropped home early so he could go online ...

What I wished I had communicated was that I was having a good time when out and missed him... .All I wanted was to spend time with him and be like a real couple, sleeping together and cuddling. 
I regret the way I handled all of it
I will never get over this that I do know
The hurt is tremendous and it's not getting better
It's been one month and five days since he dumped me via phone

To break the PO all I have to do is go outside while he's delivering the mail

I just wish he knew that the reason I always texted him was because I just wanted to be with him, I just expressed it poorly.

I see him again in July at the court hearing, maybe I will get closure then
He's in therapy now... .maybe he will get help

[Idsrvt2]

I just can't stand this much longer.  No closure... .I regret not answering the phone when he called me five times two days prior to taking out the PO on me .  He texted he wasn't going to and then did, texted asking what he could do.

I wish I had said meet me in person and properly end this the right way.

I said a lot of mean things to him after he coldly broke up with me on the phone... .all because I texted I wanted a break because it seemed like I was always dropped home early so he could go online ...

What I wished I had communicated was that I was having a good time when out and missed him... .All I wanted was to spend time with him and be like a real couple, sleeping together and cuddling. 
I regret the way I handled all of it
I will never get over this that I do know
The hurt is tremendous and it's not getting better
It's been one month and five days since he dumped me via phone

To break the PO all I have to do is go outside while he's delivering the mail

I just wish he knew that the reason I always texted him was because I just wanted to be with him, I just expressed it poorly.

I see him again in July at the court hearing, maybe I will get closure then
He's in therapy now... .maybe he will get help

[heartandwhole]

Hi Idsrvt2,

I'm sorry that you are feeling regret about how you handled your ex's phone calls. So many of us have been there, and it is really hard.   Please keep in mind, that even if you had done everything "perfectly," things may have gone sideways. It's just the nature of relationships, especially ones that feature BPD/immaturity/emotional instability issues.

The lack of closure can be very painful. Many members here can relate. Sometimes we have to make our own closure.

Do you have supportive people whom you can lean on and talk to? Are you taking good care of yourself? I can imagine the urge to break the PO is strong. If you can, try to breathe through it and distract yourself with an enjoyable or high-focus activity.  You don't want to add legal troubles onto your already hurting heart.

Have you seen this article? When I got here, I felt shattered and confused about what I was dealing with. This article helped me understand my feelings better.

Surviving a Breakup When Your Partner Has BPD

Keep posting. It helps to get your thoughts and feelings out. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Idsrvt2]

It is strong to break the PO because the courts allowed him to still deliver mail because my attorney at the second hearing said we can't force him not to... .so feeling trapped as he walks around freely is getting to be too much.
He started all of this and I'm still not sure why he said he wasn't getting one and did.
His attorney claims because I sent a text after that... .well my text was nice... .

This x warned me and I should have listened ... he told me quite a few times to watch what I put in texts he also warned me about a restraining order.

Why he did this all to me knowing all I was dealing with is beyond me.

In court he wanted it dropped and mine against him dropped too... .it made no sense... .other than maybe his family told him to do it.  It seemed they really influenced him.
Thing is I get no closure u til July as I have to see him again and everything gets ripped wide open again... .He obviously also thinks him stopping at my house etc whole delivering mail was normal.

I don't have any friends really, not much support... .For four years he often was the bright part of my day would talk and flirt with me and make me laugh... .I thought he was normal .

He knew what he was doing and that is what is most upsetting, it's like he was two different people... .one warned me about him and the other sucked me in.

So today in a few hours he walks around this small complex for four hours and I'm trapped... all because he wanted to hurt me further and the in court say he felt terrible for the breakup.

My only satisfaction is that I hope he has no guns ... although his family probably gave him one back as they seem very disordered themselves

How a family can sit and support someone that is so mentally unstable is beyond words.   My x even admits he needs help, but thought court time was better I suppose.   I saw him slip majorly , I even contacted his mother and he said that was harassment... .the mother blew me off basically... .that I do not get

It's like I was the only one trying to help him... my x sleeps on a floor next to a computer in the fetal position and hears voices telling him how horrible he is ... .and they sat in court instead .    Then they would not agree to six months they wanted one month only.    Nothing makes any sense at all.

[Idsrvt2]

work is slow today and so here it is almost time for him to be walking around with the mail...   last year at this time i would have been outside chatting away with no clue what was ahead with him. 

I still dont know how im left in practically a ball of tears daily that he is able to walk right on by my house to sort my mail etc daily as if all is well.   

how can a person that is supposedly overly empathetic be able to still be around... .and its getting nicer and i am going to be outside more... i cant keep being trapped in here as it makes me feel worse.  this is where i live.    he did this as he knew what he is,... .

a normal human with compassion doesnt slam someone already struggling with a PO.   this is horrific.   Im posting here because i just feel like running out there and asking him why?  why he had to go and get the court involved.    Why did he fear me and listen to the sister that i was some horrible person.   his sister supposedly said I would burn his neighbors house down.  who says that to someone?

how can he just up and walk out and get the PO and go on with life.  its just not right.    I hate that i miss him and our time together... each time I think of a nice time... i now think of all the bad times
him dropping me off early
him running home without a care to stay and hold me while i was upset at him for telling me yet again tht the sister thinks we should break up

him breaking up with me so coldly with no care and then saying I dont know what the voices are saying right now

him lying to me that he wasnt all the mean things he said he was, then come to find out he says he has depression and a personality disorder

him not cuddling with me and saying things like he knows he should be but he just cant
him needing beer to the extent both our fridges were stocked with my fav growler of beer because in the end it came out that he cant be around me as i make him aprehensive

how even though i stuck by him he did not care, i wasnt allowed to be hurt

if i could i would ask him why he did this after saying he wouldnt

he obviously has no clue what this does to a person

[GlennT]

Trapped? No! You are just as good as anyone else is in this world, and it is your Constitutional right to walk anywhere out of your complex doors as innocent and hopeful as a child again. Never, ever, put yourself in a position of feeling trapped by anyone with a serious mental illness. Simply Just Avoid his toxic presence outside in your life, and all you think is wrong with yourself, and all will be well in time. Your spidey sense instinct already told you how to react towards this person, and it wasn't cruel or wrong. It was needed and good for you. Maybe you will realize this twenty years from now or less.

[Idsrvt2]

Thank You GlennT-  its so tough to walk outside when I know he is walking around right within feet of me.  I get angry with my attorney for refusing to have them move him... this isnt some grid layout like most areas near me... this is a mentally ill person walking around and around near me daily, except Sundays.   

What do you mean by my spidey senses?  Do you mean the way I msg him the night he dropped me home early that i needed a break since he seemed to only want to rush home and go online?  or when i sent too many msgs because i was so distraught and in physical pain and he dumped me?
im just trying to work thru all of this.   because i could have just agreed to drop the PO and had a life.   how on earth does he walk like all is well.  argggggh

Trapped? No! You are just as good as anyone else is in this world, and it is your Constitutional right to walk anywhere out of your complex doors as innocent and hopeful as a child again. Never, ever, put yourself in a position of feeling trapped by anyone with a serious mental illness. Simply Just Avoid his toxic presence outside in your life, and all you think is wrong with yourself, and all will be well in time. Your spidey sense instinct already told you how to react towards this person, and it wasn't cruel or wrong. It was needed and good for you. Maybe you will realize this twenty years from now or less.

[FallenOne]

Rather than breaking it why don't you just go have it removed? If you're the one who got it, you can easily do that.

Breaking it is not a good idea as you could be fined for doing that, even if you got it... Better off just going back to the courthouse you went to and filing to have it removed and saying you no longer consider him to be a threat.

If that is indeed what you want?

[Idsrvt2]

Oh wow, now that you have given me that option ... .it's odd but suddenly I'm not sure that is the right thing either ... given I'm not sure if the corrupt family cop gave him his guns back ... .and if not than its best he does not have them as he was not right in the head and on a steady decline, plus he has one on me as well and he already wanted that dropped if I would drop mine

But if I drop it and then god forbid he does something I would never forgive myself.   
It's odd how the urges to break it get to be so strong And yet I stay inside unable to go outside when he's delivering.   

If this was just an xBPD with no guns and weapons I probably would have dropped both and agreed with him... .but because I was trying so hard to get him help and to help him... .I guess I have to just view the PO as that... .me keeping everyone safe until July.   
I just wish I could stay in hate mode .but I go back into I wish I didn't get so angry and hurt when he dumped me mode.   

I was the only one besides himself that was helping him . He started therapy and I was getting him out of the house

  Thank you for making me see the option I think I want isn't an option at all.

Rather than breaking it why don't you just go have it removed? If you're the one who got it, you can easily do that.

Breaking it is not a good idea as you could be fined for doing that, even if you got it... Better off just going back to the courthouse you went to and filing to have it removed and saying you no longer consider him to be a threat.

If that is indeed what you want?

[FallenOne]

plus he has one on me as well and he already wanted that dropped if I would drop mine

What state are you in? I wasn't aware two parties could have PFA's on one another? Does that vary by state and county?

Who had one first?

Also, how do you know where he stands with this stuff? How do you know he's willing to drop his if you will drops yours if there is no contact? Are you still in contact with each other even though there's a protection order in place?

[Idsrvt2]

He got his first only because I didn't want to make him angry and was believing him when he was letting things be. I filed mine the next day

I know all of it from two court dates and his attorney relaying info to either myself or my attorney of what he wa saying including him feeling terrible for the breakup etc.

First date he wanted it dropped. 2nd he only wanted a month... .they were  mad... they meaning his side that I wanted more than two months

This is a temp order that my atty said was weak  and usually is thrown out in court but since we both had one usually what they do for one they do for both... .it's common I was told to have dual pfa. 

I had to get one as the day he filed his he was walking on  my property again... .I knew he would try to draw me in or worse. So I filed and my family and a family friend that knows the court system helped me get a longer protection... .in court max is six months on a temp order.

I got four
Haven't spoke to him since he dumped me via phone early March last text convo was a few days after.

Saw him in court a few weeks back

What state are you in? I wasn't aware two parties could have PFA's on one another? Does that vary by state and county?

Who had one first?

Also, how do you know where he stands with this stuff? How do you know he's willing to drop his if you will drops yours if there is no contact? Are you still in contact with each other even though there's a protection order in place?