First time here

[ineedaspace]

I am the only daughter of a single mother with BPD/narcissistic characteristics. She has used me and manipulated me my entire life and I am at a point where I must take responsibility for allowing her to do so. I now have a daughter of my own, and I need to be able to stand up to my own mother, so that my sweet little daughter doesn't get used the way I did. I am just looking for some support. I have good friends and a lovely beau, but I'm looking for a community with a unique understanding of this particular dynamic. Thanks for listening!

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome ineedaspace:  
Good to see you join the community!  It must have been difficult for you to grow up with a single mom with traits of personality disorders.  

I'm glad that you have a lovely beau and good friends.    You can't change your mother, but you can make things better by setting some boundaries and using specific communication skills to make things better for you and your daughter.

Take a look around.  The large green banner at the top of this page, contains a "Tools" menu. That can be a good place to start learning some lessons.  There is also a "Lessons" thread towards the top of this message board.

If you are able to share some specifics about some of the problems you have with your mom, we can guide you to some specific lessons.

We look forward to hearing more of you story and having you join the discussions ahead.

Take care.  

[ineedaspace]

I guess the reason (thinking about it now) that I mention the friend and beau is that my mother has a habit of splitting. She was the PRIMARY source of conflict in my marriage (which ended two years ago), and I am noticing the same issues coming up between me and my current SO. She leans on me constantly, drains me with her demands, criticism and manipulations. Those who care about me often feel protective and get angry at her. But at some point they inevitably get angry at ME for not setting firmer boundaries. And I find myself bending over backwards to please everyone, totally in the dark as to how I really feel. My mother bullies me, threatens me, ignores my needs and tries to use any leverage she may have to extract company from me so she won't feel so alone. She creates conflict everywhere, and has found herself very much alone in the world. I feel guilty and try to take the time from being a single working mother to placate her needs. But I'm never enough and always a piece of s4*! in her eyes, so then I feel both depleted and bad about myself. It's a terrible cycle. I want it to stop.