Cheetah1
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7
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« on: April 16, 2017, 02:21:55 AM » |
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Today started out good. Until I walked outside ready to pick up dog poop like my husband had asked. I found the poop picker upper by dad's rototiller. It had been used, as dirt and weeds were around it, and it was sitting up against the house under an overhang. My husband was up in the chicken pen working on repairing it. I was absolutely horrified to find the tiller outside, and unclean. :)ad had spent an hour cleaning it when he got it back from us last time, and mom gave me a long lecture and conditions to borrow it again. One was that after it was used it would be cleaned of all dirt and debris, Second was that it would be put inside after it was used and not left out. Mom repeated these conditions to me several times. I told my husband that if he wanted to use it, those were the terms. I was very clear even though he chaffed at the conditions and poked fun at dad for being such a clean freak but said he would do as requested. We later had a bit of a fight because I had been really upset with him for picking on dad about that.
So today when I saw it, I was horrified. It felt like my husband had just blown it all off. :)id he not remember how upset I had been that day? How I had stressed it was important to clean it not just before it was returned but each time it was used? That it would not be left outside? I called up that I was really bothered by the tiller being left out, and he responded something like, it's FINE Cheetah1, it's covered. I gaped up at him, shocked that he wasn't apologizing, as he told me to relax everything was fine. I couldn't believe it. I was really, really, angry at his response. He was defending himself after the painful initial conversation about borrowing the tiller. I wanted to storm out and leave in my car for the rest of the day but instead I calmed myself down and started picking up the dog poop in the yard. It was challenging. How could he every keep the house clean when he coudn't maintain someone elses tools on loan? How could he break my parents' trust?
Once that task was done I struggled to determine my next action, and decided that I would clean the tiller myself. I would take it back to my parents when I went up next clean. I spent about 30 minutes cleaning it and pulling stuff out of it. My husband at some point came and helped a bit, but he eventually asked me why I was bothering, he was just going to use it again. I told him that I was really bothered by how he left it out, that dad had wanted clean every time it was used so I was cleaning it. He got really reactive to this, and his tone of voice changed and he looked angry. He told me that wasn't true and that I was changing the story because I was mad he had left it outside. I looked up at him again shocked. He didn't remember that conversation? He said that he had never been told that and it was my fault for not telling him if that was what dad had asked. Frankly I was shocked he didn't remember.
These words on the page do not convey the body language he was now using, which was very intense. He asked if it was my intent to keep the tiller from him today and steal it away back to my parents before he could use it. I was again a bit shocked, I didn't realize he wanted to use it today, and the way he said it sounded really mean. I spoke saying, that was not what I said. He told me well, I'm going to use it again and get it dirty and you are just going to have to clean it again because I'm not going to. He also told me he was done with this, he was done with me pointing my wicked little finger at him and blaming him for everything and he wanted me to get out and leave. He left and went inside I think at this point. I continued cleaning it, and put together the power sprayer and cleaned off the dirt. I next set up to clean the back porch off, and so began cleaning things off the porch.
This was about 15 minutes? Later I went through the house to throw away a bunch of paper. He asked me what I was doing, and I told him cleaning up. He asked why I hadn't left yet, he asked me to leave again. I was surprised he was still saying this, as I figured he had temporarily lost control earlier and that he would now be more reasonable. I told him this was my house too, if he didn't like it he could leave. He said do not test me on this Cheetah1, I am serious, I will get out the sledge hammer and I will use it, starting with that tiller. He looked very threatening at this point and very emotional. At first I thought he was threatening me but I realized he was threatening to break things I cared about. I tried to listen to him but everything out of his mouth was in this vein. I turned around and walked outside at some point while he was still threatening me. I think D3 heard some of it and told him to stop but I'm not sure. I went outside and played with the girls both on the playset, though at first I just sat on a bench and cried for about 5 minutes. I stayed out there a while, expecting to hear crashing and yelling from my husband, or for him to follow me out there and threaten me further but he did not. When I eventually came back inside he was sitting in the chair and did not say anything to me. I asked him if he wanted to talk now and he did not respond positively. I got the girls together and started to try and get them both down for a nap as they were getting grouchy. I was still exhausted from being on call the night before. I tried to get some sleep, but D3 kept interfering. my husband did take D1 and got her down in the back bedroom. I think I eventually got some sleep but it was hard to know.
I eventually got up and took a shower around 430. He had been working outside. I got the girls diapers changed and got stuff together. I asked him again if he wanted to talk and he did not. He said he was really hurt and depressed. He appeared much calmer in my estimate and his face had dropped the tense angry expression. I invited him to play Pokemon with me, (something I do for fun)and asked if he wanted me to take the girls. He said either way was fine, but it was obvious he wanted to sleep so I took them with me. I went out and played my game until 10, when I ran into one of my Pokemon friends and we ended up talking until about midnight. Come to find out, she had left an abusive husband a few years back. It was really nice to talk to her and helped a good deal.
My husband has not been this bad since before I left him last year. I'm about 4 months post moving back in to promises of changed behavior. I'm looking for feedback on this. Is this normal? Can it be repaired?
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