Newbie - glad to have found hope here

[Maiden Sun]

Hi!
   Though I've read many blogs / boards, first time posting.
   Just read "Stop Walking on Eggshells"  & "Understanding Borderline Mother" and was both surprised and relieved to discover that my husband of 40+ years is a narcissistic, high functioning BPD.
   It seems as though BPD was revealed with aging. Relationship has deteriorated over the last 9 years.  I though may be male menopause, NPD, grumpy old man syndrome.  Though these labels kind of fit, BPD screamed his name!  Of course, in his opinion he is not the problem, is never wrong, does not believe in counseling, will never go and will never be diagnosed. 
   With the exception of our disabled dependent adult child, our other children are successful adults. He is a very old fashioned type of guy and we are knotted together - we co-own our business and work together daily, co-own our assets, travel together, go out with friends together.  For many, many years, we had a good life, and compared to many, I still do.  Since children left and his involvement running our business has dwindled, his rage and control issues have become focused on me. Over the last 9 years, he has become extremely controlling while I have not set firm boundaries and tried everything to keep him happy.     I don't see leaving as an option, I need to make this work, but because of my emotions am finding it hard to deal with.  I hope to learn much from this board.
Thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[wendydarling]

Hello Maiden Sun 

Welcome to bpdfamily, I'm glad you found us and you are relieved to discover what you are dealing with your DH.  

The tools and lessons to the right  help us improve our relationship with our pwBPD through changing the way we communicate, they work with anyone. You mention boundaries do you think it would help to set yourself some boundaries and limits? Some find it best to keep it simple with just a couple and work from there.

Here's a further book I recommend 'Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder' that provided me insight to living with BPD and how we can help ourselves and our pwBPD.
Book Reviews - Top Recommendations

WDx

[Maiden Sun]

Thanks for the reply and the recommendations. 
I read so many books in the past, initially trying to help one of my children, but discovered many characters of my husband - ADD, NPD kind of fit, but BPD describes him to a T.  Being older and set in our ways makes it difficult, but now that I am aware of the problem, it's doable!