Is it safe to assume that BPD love the people who abandoned them the most?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello first post here. Thank you for allowing me on this site, I've research about this disorder for about a year now.

 I want to hear your analysis on this, especially if there's any BPDs out there.

I just want to know this because in my head it seems like BPD are individuals who dwell on the past and the things they suffered. I've always heard about this ONE ex (whether abusive ect.) or this ONE family member that they bash and talk about constantly. Do these BPDs in their mind love them the most because these individuals abandoned them the harshest? What's your take on this?

[Changepages]

Hello first post here. Thank you for allowing me on this site, I've research about this disorder for about a year now.

 I want to hear your analysis on this, especially if there's any BPDs out there.

I just want to know this because in my head it seems like BPD are individuals who dwell on the past and the things they suffered. I've always heard about this ONE ex (whether abusive ect.) or this ONE family member that they bash and talk about constantly. Do these BPDs in their mind love them the most because these individuals abandoned them the harshest? What's your take on this?

[roberto516]

Welcome Change! I'm no expert. So I will talk about my own experiences. She did dwell on her past. And she held resentments like they were her heart or something. Something she needed. She has felt slighted by a lot of people, and then cut them off without a moment's notice. My ex ex was borderline and I have come to terms with it and even forgiven her. But this most recent BPD ex, she looked at all her exes as people who "wronged her". Now in my case, my ex was very very close to her family. As our couples therapist hinted, she was longing to feel like she had a "place" in her chaotic family structure so that is why she always put family first.

Now here's the interesting bit. Her childhood and adulthood have been filled with her mother doing everything she requests of her. BUT her mom has made a lot of disparaging remarks to her. Calling her a disappointment, a failure, etc. But she loves her mom. When I asked why she resented me for saying things out of anger but not her mom she would say "I can't choose my family but I can choose my boyfriend."

Deep down she wants to find a partner who treats her like her mom should. She expects a fairy tale relationship where it's all take and no give. In her eyes. Problem is she doesn't see how her constant emotional abuse and selfishness makes sure that human beings, myself included, finally put our foots down. So she cuts and runs.

I'm sure many are different. But this is my experience. That her mom's (probably bipolar) created a chaotic childhood for her, but she loves her the most despite the fact that she has set on her the path since birth to have this personality disorder. It's fascinating in a way.