Emotional safety

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am fortunate that I've never felt physically threatened, but I've noticed that slowly my relationship with my SO has eroded my emotional feelings of safety that I used to have in my life, including the simple idea that someone will be there for me when I need them.   

I'm curious if anyone else has felt that way?  In what ways have you seen your emotional safety eroded?  What, if anything, have you done to fix it?   

[mssalty]

I am fortunate that I've never felt physically threatened, but I've noticed that slowly my relationship with my SO has eroded my emotional feelings of safety that I used to have in my life, including the simple idea that someone will be there for me when I need them.   

I'm curious if anyone else has felt that way?  In what ways have you seen your emotional safety eroded?  What, if anything, have you done to fix it?   

[heartandwhole]

Hi mssalty,

I can relate to the idea of a lack of emotional safety, and particularly not having anyone there for you when you need them. And I think since my relationship with pwBPD, this has featured much more in my life. Despite concrete evidence that people ARE present for me and supportive, there is a lingering feeling that I am actually totally on my own. It never seemed to bother me before, but perhaps with age and losing family members and friends, one starts to reflect more on this.

The conclusion I've come to so far about it is that in my childhood I probably felt this way, but dealt with it as best I could and suppressed my feelings as much as possible. The relationship with pwBPD brought the issues back into the foreground, and it wasn't pretty. Then a breakdown in my relationship with my brother after my father's death, my mother's health issues, and the loss of my best friend added to these feelings of having no one to turn to.

How I'm dealing with it is to remind myself that it's understandable to have these feelings, and let myself feel them. Then I try to remember that I have resources inside of me that can help. My biggest challenge is asking others for help and depending on them. I really want to learn to get better at that.

How have you been dealing with it, mssalty?

heartandwhole

[foggydew]

Well, it may well have something to do with age, but I do think society in general is changing and people are not as prepared to 'be there'. This is one of the reasons that my uBPD person is important for me, because in spite of all the hassle and devaluation at times, he does give me the feeling that he is 'there', more than most. As I am really alone, after a recent accident I had he was the only person who helped me practically. Emotionally it varies, but as these folk are the centre of their universe, it doesn't surprise me.
This feeling of 'aloneness' is something I have talked about with quite a few people recently, even people who I thought were well integrated in groups. And all said pretty much the same - that they feel there is generally a change, and people are less prepared to give emotional support in the long term. Or even be close - and this time it seems that this is a tendency which has nothing to do with BPD.