Longest NC ever

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm not even keeping track of the days but it just occurred to me this is the longest time I haven't spoken to her. And I don't have a desire to. So what's changed?
First, after this 2nd discard I see what it is and realize who she is. I've accepted it'd no good.
Second, all my thoughts are about learning wh I'm feeling like I am and there's no reminiscing for the good days. I'm sure they will occur but right now in this moment I'm not and I will pay attention to my present moment.
Third, afyer the first discard I fell into a deep depression. I didn't do anything. Stopped working out, reading, seeing positives in life. After the discard this time I immediately continued those hobbies. At work I'm not withdrawn and I have alot of fun there again. Am I faking it until I make it? Maybe. But it's my brain and my thoughts so if I keep doing positive things and loving myself and accepting what I can't control I'll heal quicker.

Thanks for reading!

[roberto516]

I'm not even keeping track of the days but it just occurred to me this is the longest time I haven't spoken to her. And I don't have a desire to. So what's changed?
First, after this 2nd discard I see what it is and realize who she is. I've accepted it'd no good.
Second, all my thoughts are about learning wh I'm feeling like I am and there's no reminiscing for the good days. I'm sure they will occur but right now in this moment I'm not and I will pay attention to my present moment.
Third, afyer the first discard I fell into a deep depression. I didn't do anything. Stopped working out, reading, seeing positives in life. After the discard this time I immediately continued those hobbies. At work I'm not withdrawn and I have alot of fun there again. Am I faking it until I make it? Maybe. But it's my brain and my thoughts so if I keep doing positive things and loving myself and accepting what I can't control I'll heal quicker.

Thanks for reading!

[g2outfitter]

I was discarded a second time and during the process I was very upset (mainly for allowing myself to be recycled and again, believing her words and not her actions) but it was nothing compared to the first discard. It's been a couple of months now but looking back I'm starting to find myself almost glad I was recycled. The first time I was discarded I knew nothing about BPD so I was in complete shock as to what just happened. It caused me severe depression... .I could not eat or sleep and my every thought was consumed by my exBPD. I eventually had to go see a counselor. That is when I learned about BPD but most importantly when I learned about myself. But even with this newfound knowledge I allowed myself to be recycled. However, this time when I was discarded I came to completely understand that there wasn't anything I could have done to make the relationship work. I would have never understood that if I wasn't recycled and I would have gone to my grave holding the guilt that was projected onto me by my exBPDgf during the first discard (because, of course the reasons for our breakup were all mine). I'm still sad, but I'm at least functioning.  Recently there was a slight attempt at recycle #2 but this time I completely shut it down with NC on my part. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I had to because even though my heart still yearns for her I now know it could never work, no matter what she says. I would have NEVER been able to do that before the first recycle.

I miss her and she will forever hold a place in my heart but I knew for my own well being I had to completely remove the dysfunction from my life. Again, the recycle made me strong enough to do that.

I constantly pray for all the people who suffer from this horrible disorder... .and especially for those of us who have suffered as a result of knowing someone who has it. Have hope that it does get easier as the days pass.

[roberto516]

G2 that is exactly how I feel. The 1st time I coukdnt understand how she couldn't see that if she gave it another chance I would be better. A sick thought for sure. But afyer this go round I realized that she'd always have resentments which woukd turn to feelings and then facts. I completely relate to a sort of relief afyer this discard because I coukdnt deal with the unknown and what if after the 1st discard

[insideoutside]

My longest NC was 16 weeks until my friend finally reached out and said he'd changed etc etc.  During those 16 weeks I had moments of being totally bereft and felt ill due to the discard, hurt and confused.  This time I'm nearly 7 weeks NC and although angry initially and a little sad as time has gone on I won't break it. I'm sick of the perpetual cycle and him promising me he won't hurt me that is until he forgets.  I'm not sure if he will reach back out this time; maybe it really is for good this time.  However, sad that I've lost the friendship but not for losing the crazy making.

[Pretty Woman]

I have been NC 2yrs this May and I still hope she reaches out. Do I hope like I used to? No. But I wish she'd reach out even though I would not respond. I know how horrible recycling is and I'd never endure that again.

Mine is more a validation issue at this point. My ex is not a diagnosed BPD, although I really don't need a diagnosis to tell me something isn't right with her.

My struggle is she made things so hard for me at work by slandering me to her sister. At least when she was talking to me I was somewhat safe from her sister' wrath. I'm very resentful she put me in that position and trotted off with her new partner. Once she painted me black she really went all out with the accusations. Defending my side to these people is fruitless because anything I say would only reinforce I'm nuts. So instead I stay quiet.

But I will admit it's very isolating at work and I wish a few of these people would quit or get fired.

 Everyone is scared of me at work. She made me out to be a tyrant. I'll admit now I use that to my benefit. People leave me alone because they fear I'm crazy. I guess that's not the worst thing. No one is trying to threaten or intimidate me anymore. Still, I wish I wasn't so resentful and could get past this.

[Huh?]

We've broken up probably 5 times during the duration of the relationship.  It was me who initiated the break ups after the first in 2014 which she wanted a, "break"... .which I knew meant there was somebody else... .although she never admitted it.   I told her a break is a break up... .she was apathetic.

The longest we'd go would be five weeks with no contact, she would cut me off every time until eventually I would come crawling back... .thinking shed realize what she was losing.  She didn't.

The last recycle last year, she casually admitted that she dated during our brief break ups... .including finally admitting there was somebody after our first in 2014... .a "friend who just wanted sex"  which she said she wasn't interested in dating.  Sure.

This was a woman who emphatically insisted she wouldn't even remarry if anything happened to me.  Even after aI told her I would want her to be happy... .she insisted no there could never be anybody else.  I didn't believe her in that conversation... .and I was proved right just a few months later as she obviously started dating immediately in 2014 after our "break"

When I found out about the other "friends who just wanted sex" last year I knew it was over and ended it.  She immediately cut me off again and I haven't heard from her since, 9 months now.  I emailed a few times at the three month mark, no response.

Its over this time.   I loved that woman, gave up everything for her, supported her dreams in time, money and action... .it meant nothing to her and it was never reciprocated.  I was simply just a supply to pass the time away with.  It sucks, and has pretty much broken me moving forward.  I can't do this pain anymore.