What do i say? HELP i cut ties with my mom and she keeps reaching out

[Sokash1119]

Hi everyone!   I'm really new at this-so bare with me!

I recently took a step back from my relationship with my mom because her behavior has gotten to be too toxic. She's extremely passive aggressive, verbally and emotionally abusive and to top it all off, she's addicted to Adderall. So basically, she's a cracked out bully with no sense of boundaries. The hump that broke the camels back happened a few month's ago while I was visiting my grandma out of state. We got into an argument over literally nothing and before I knew it, she was 3 inches from my face, screaming at me. i mean like, vein popping, spit spewing, kind of screaming. All in front of my kids. It was horrible. I remained as calm as possible and told her I was blocking her. Since then, she has been telling my family I have a drug problem, need rehab, its all my fault, I don't make good parenting choices... .the works.

Anyway, I don't know what to say to her. She insists she has no idea what she did that caused me to block her. she sends book long text messages to anyone who will listen, talking AT them-

I want to write her an email but I don't know what to say. I will not resume my relationship with her unless she seeks some sort of drug and alcohol treatment or SOMETHING. ANYTHING. any sort of help will do. she's threatened suicide countess times in the past but I don't think she would ever actually go through with it. shes BIG on drama. she LOVES it.

But what do I say? has anyone ever had to temporarily sever ties with their parent? If so, how did you do it? what did you tell them?

I'm at a loss. my therapist suggested I reach out in this forum for some guidance. I am half way through the book "surviving a borderline parent" which is helping me better understand the disorder but not on how to talk to her. so I'm at a loss 

Any input is appreciated!

[Mycrazymother]

I'm new too. I just had to at least validate you situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I have had the same trash talk about me to all of my family by my mother when I enraged her. I don't defend myself because it feels weird and I don't think they'll believe my side anyway. She's pretty manipulative. My mother also has trash talked me around my kids to family members. Most if my family don't speak to me. Its funny because SHE is the "ex" drug addict, meth.
Stay strong, you are not alone. We keep waiting for them to change and be normal and we're making ourselves crazy for it.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Sokash1119,

I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this. The behaviour you mention does all sound very BPD, so my guess would be that behaviour would still remain in some form, even if the drug dependency stopped. But you have understandably pulled away from what sounds like unacceptable behaviour. So my first question is do you need to do or say any more ? A BPD will always trying and draw us into the conflict, because that’s where they can best manipulate. So don’t get drawn in, which means think carefully if there is a need to respond at all.

If you do respond, do it on your terms, so avoid knee jerk responses. Write the letter/ e-mail when you’re angry by all means, but then when you’ve cooled down decided if you need to send it at all. Never forget, your BPD is deliberately being provocative, as they want to draw you back in (normally by drawing you back into an argument). If you do wish to send it, I normally find it best to pull out all the emotional and angry stuff I wrote when emotional and angry, before sending. This is because a BPD is the master of emotional arguments, they fog up when we present evidenced, scientific argument. So you can at least cleans the message.

Also here is one technique to communicate with someone with BPD, whilst closing down their options to escalate the drama:

S.E.T.   https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/04.htm