How to respond when BPD GF has random temper outbursts?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My girlfriend has really random short temper outbursts and I'm simply unsure what to respond with/how to react or if I do say anything to these situations.
She's not abusive at all and these outbursts are never ever directed towards me - they're if someone perhaps walks even a little bit too closely behind her, a stranger looked at her for too long, or if someone accidentally pushed past me... really small things like this. She may curse loudly in public and cause a little scene or threaten them in a way that's far from necessary for what caused her anger (she would never act on those threats, for certain).
Usually she'll be oblivious to how much she had overreacted, and I understand that. Sometimes she'll ask me if I think she overreacted or if she has anger problems, and usually I'll say no and agree with her reason for getting angry and telling her I understand why they annoyed her, but also sometimes I'll be lighthearted about the situation and say she did overreact but also laugh with her and make sure she doesn't feel belittled or 'stupid' for the way she was. She'll then go on to explain how she mostly reacts that way because she simply can't help it, and also because she feels so self-conscious at what people think of her, instantly presumes they're thinking bad of her, so then she acts out angrily.

They're really small things, but they're still things I'd like to make sure I say or do the right thing to be certain I'm not making her feel bad about herself but also know she can't act out at people like that too.

So, what's the best way to respond to this in the future?

Big thanks in advance.
S

[stamusic]

My girlfriend has really random short temper outbursts and I'm simply unsure what to respond with/how to react or if I do say anything to these situations.
She's not abusive at all and these outbursts are never ever directed towards me - they're if someone perhaps walks even a little bit too closely behind her, a stranger looked at her for too long, or if someone accidentally pushed past me... really small things like this. She may curse loudly in public and cause a little scene or threaten them in a way that's far from necessary for what caused her anger (she would never act on those threats, for certain).
Usually she'll be oblivious to how much she had overreacted, and I understand that. Sometimes she'll ask me if I think she overreacted or if she has anger problems, and usually I'll say no and agree with her reason for getting angry and telling her I understand why they annoyed her, but also sometimes I'll be lighthearted about the situation and say she did overreact but also laugh with her and make sure she doesn't feel belittled or 'stupid' for the way she was. She'll then go on to explain how she mostly reacts that way because she simply can't help it, and also because she feels so self-conscious at what people think of her, instantly presumes they're thinking bad of her, so then she acts out angrily.

They're really small things, but they're still things I'd like to make sure I say or do the right thing to be certain I'm not making her feel bad about herself but also know she can't act out at people like that too.

So, what's the best way to respond to this in the future?

Big thanks in advance.
S

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[waverider]

She cant help herself so no point lecturing her. But be wary of validating the invalid. If you think she was over the top, dont say that it is ok, rather make it about your example/perspective. eg " I see that really bothered you, it wouldn't have affected me the same so I wouldnt have felt the need to react like that"

You are setting an example without directly putting her down. You cant control how she will interpret that reaction, but it is a truthful one and you will not feel like you have been pressured to be subservient, or walking eggshells.

Whatever happens dont let her behaviour embarrass you and colour your reaction, it is a disability and there will be inappropriate public behaviour just accept it the same as if she had some other regular disability.

pwBPD often have unprovoked reactions to people based on some skewed perception they may have

[stamusic]

She cant help herself so no point lecturing her. But be wary of validating the invalid. If you think she was over the top, dont say that it is ok, rather make it about your example/perspective. eg " I see that really bothered you, it wouldn't have affected me the same so I wouldnt have felt the need to react like that"

You are setting an example without directly putting her down. You cant control how she will interpret that reaction, but it is a truthful one and you will not feel like you have been pressured to be subservient, or walking eggshells.

Whatever happens dont let her behaviour embarrass you and colour your reaction, it is a disability and there will be inappropriate public behaviour just accept it the same as if she had some other regular disability.

pwBPD often have unprovoked reactions to people based on some skewed perception they may have

Cool, thanks waverider