My wife seemed perfectly normal for the few years of marriage. Then almost one day to the next she began exhibiting all or most of symptoms of BPD.
I wonder if there was a trauma that triggered this change?
A birth, death, funeral, move, some slight by a friend, etc?
I'm in the process of planning how my departure will happen. Sadly my children support me fully about leaving this toxic relationship.
I am so glad your adult children support you. You must not realize how many children of a disordered parent have their lives so impacted and controlled during their youth that they can't even see the reality and recognize normalcy and normal people for what and who they/we are.
Top of the list is to get informed. With education, support and strategies you can make more informed and more confident decisions. Support is from trusted friends and family, local police, DV resources and your lawyer. And of course remote peer support such as here, we've "been there, done that".
Also at the top of the list is to protect yourself. She may throw verbal grenades your way in the form of allegations, guilt trips, blame shifting (onto you) and related sour grapes scenarios. Prepare yourself. Be able to prove you didn't strangle her and throw her down the stairs when all you did was brush past her to exit quickly when she she was ranting and raging.
Have you already read
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by William Eddy & Randi Kreger? It's our number one legal-oriented handbook for separations and divorces.
Beware of being
too appeasing or
too 'fair' when separating. I'm not saying you can't be fair but don't bend over backwards to be overly fair and put yourself at a disadvantage. After all, would she reciprocate your kindness or fairness for anything that didn't give her an advantage? Yeah, I thought not. Most people know not to pet alligators and bears.
